Monday, April 2, 2012


The phone rang this morning. It was the home phone ... the one that never rings. I walked toward it saying just that to Suresh and Amma 'No one calls on this phone I wonder who it is' . At the other end was my cousin who lives a few km away from where we do. In a desperate voice she says 'Can you call my home in Kerala. My mom called (i.e. My aunt) and she seems to be crying and not saying anything!'

I have felt that racing in my heart before ... two years ago and then once before that 4 years ago! I quickly told my mom to tell me my aunt's phone number my heart thumping within me and my fingers shaking. My mom seemed calmer than usual! As she slowly completed  the phone number  she calmly says 'Remember its April Fools!'

Neelima not funny ------ not funny at all

I hate people with a poor sense of humor and this morning I hated myself because I lost all my sense of humor. The fear of bad news no matter what kind over the phone still scares me. Jesus I wonder when you will take that burden off me!

Last Sunday the message in church was about being relieved from slavery. During the message I realized I was a slave to many things.  But this morning I realized I was a slave to something very emotional. It seems the fear of loosing someone is set so deep within me that even after I know its not true I am still unable to find humor in it! Only Jesus can set me free from being a slave!

Neelima .. YOU Got me .... But not FUNNY ... NOT FUNNY AT ALL.

Aiju .... no more fun parties for Neelima chechy.