I am a second born kid. Suresh is one too. This means we both have a sibling older than us. I am really glad because we kind of figure out the reason for why our second born behaves a certain way sometimes. SOMETIMES.
We have been seeing for a while now how Ziva is always asking for something. We have done our absolute level best to ensure that we treat both of them equally. But I think the inequality creeped in anyway when Ziva was born 1 year and 10 months later.
A few days ago, Ziva walked down the stairs after a shower with a shorts and the tshirt and someone who was sitting at our table waiting for lunch called out ‘HI! You are wearing Isaac’s clothes’. She looked down at herself and said as confidently as she could ‘No I am not!’. But the truth was she was! I felt a pang of guilt. I also realized that Ziva had a lot of hand me downs. Not crummy ones but still they were a seconds ... used. I really have no problem with seconds. I personally used to love wearing my cousins and sisters hand me downs. But I think somewhere along, this trade down of items causes a bit of a scar.
To talk about clothes alone, it seems like Ziva has a lot of clothes and Isaac too few. But if you look closely a lot of what Ziva has is mainly hand me downs. Including from cousins. A few months ago when we visited my sister, she took Isaac and Ziva to the hypermart to buy some color books and pencils. (We had left our pencil box and book bag on our flight to Mumbai). Isaac walked in and bought one drawing book and one set of color pencils. My sister asked him if he wanted a fancy pencil box or a bag or anything. He held his drawing book and said, ‘This is all I need’. Ziva on the other hand needed no coaxing. She soon had picked up a pink bag a pencil box, crayons etc.
I honestly find it hard that I raised both of them in the same household, with the same facilities. Yet my little girl had chosen to pick up random stuff that she probably never would use. I think all she wanted was something that someone bought just for her! Not a hand me down, not a second thought. Just for her!
|Wearing Isaac's swim clothes|
The theory of and downside of hand me downs: If its clothes, they rarely fit properly. They almost are never the color you like. This works very heavily especially if one person is a pink lover and the other a green lover. If toys or other items, they always seem scratched or used. There is never that pleasure of opening up something new.
Suresh and I have similar stories. Stories of wanting our parents to buy us something. Stories where we adamantly demanded something that was probably unreasonable or unnecessary. Suresh once sat on a tricycle and refused to get off it till his parents had to finally buy it. I remember wearing so many hand me downs and since I was a size smaller, spending many hours tightening skirts and shortening salwar kameez’s that belonged to my sister. I did use this as an opportunity to make them a little extra short and a little extra tight 😉. While I did love her clothes, about the 11th grade I made a total wardrobe switch and started wearing nothing but T-shirts and Jeans. This reduced the sharing I could do and I stopped the pipeline of hand me downs. Ziva has already started on those lines where she prefers wearing skirts and dresses to pants or shorts 😊. I say smart kid.
We were recently planning to get a new bicycle for Isaac since he is starting to ride mine now. As we talked about it I saw Zivas expectant look. We kind of held back our decision. In about 1 year and 10 months, Ziva would be using my cycle too. We would wait till that time to buy a cycle they both would share. No more hand me downs. Changing to a world of sharing and equal opportunity.