Happy - Sad ! The new household word

I believe every household has it own set of unique words that get used. Some of it makes perfect sense while others are just for the family.
We have several of them in the Joel household. Starting from pet names all the way to code words for the big and small job. Well the big and small job are not really much of code words.
Pet names were created by dad who so dislikes second names. Bumbaloos and Tutoos for the two munchkins.
We also adopted words from some of our favorite shows - like Zrrrbbbtt from the 'Cosby show'. Zrbbttt aka Strawberry kisses.
But this recent one 'Happy- Sad' is probably my favorite. It started with when we got deep into Missionary stories with homeschool. I think it was two years ago that I was reading to Isaac 'Missionary Stories with the Millers'. I usually am a relatively emotionless person. But this one story got to me and as the story ended I was crying.
Are you sad Amma?
Yes?
And I got a much needed hug.
A few days later we were watching a video by Samsung. The one with the blind kids :)

Again I was in tears.
Amma you are sad?
No :). I am Happy sad.

And just like it became a household word. Every time I cried after that, for stories I read or videos we watched together, I was asked
Amma are you Happy Sad?

Yesterday we watched this video

And again I got all teary!  Maybe because I feel to some extent I have sucked out the color from my kids lives. Because I also recently feel drained of any color!
Amma are you Happy Sad
Kind of !
So to we decide to do a Happy sad emoji :)

 

Touching a chord we have lost! #empathy

I dont like everyday to be the same. I want school to be a tad bit different each day. I like routine but I do want to make a difference in my kids lives.

One morning as I was searching for something on Youtube I came across this video

I got very emotional. Every time I watch a video like this, I feel- What am I doing! There is so much more I can do. I should be volunteering and working for the poor or doing some social service or raising funds or reading to the blind or something more dramatic!
But where is the time - with two. I am barely able to finish reading to these two. Forget reading to the world.
I showed the video to Isaac and Ziva expecting the same reaction. But they just watched and it seemed like there was not much reaction and I began to feel ' Am I creating a robot?'  Far worse 'Am I creating a child with no emotional quotient?'

In this world that focuses so much on the IQ of a people, very little importance is given to the emotional quotient. I copy below from wikipedia
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the capability of individuals to recognize their own, and other people's emotions, to discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and to manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt environments or achieve one's goal(s)


While emotions range a vast variety of feelings, empathy is something that may not be high on the list. We would love to discern when someone is angry and stay away from the person or when someone is happy and be part of the fun. But are we able to discern when someone needs empathy.
We love sympathy. We love giving it and we love getting it. As my husband frequently quotes 'Pity party'
But are we willing to put ourselves in the shoe of someone and feel how they are feeling. Are we teaching our children the meaning of the word 'empathy'. Are we more interested in teaching them to survive a over competitive world? Are we teaching them to stop and wait when someone is hurting or needs help, or just go by because time is so important?
As part of our homeschooling curriculum, we are reading missionary stories. As we read aloud to the kids, both me and DH find ourselves frequently crying. One particular story, I was barely get on with the words, Ziva asked me ' Amma why are you sad?'
'I don't know why Ziva' I had to reply. It wasn't that I knew anybody in the story. It wasn't that they were family or some dear/near one was involved. This was just some random person in some random place far far away.
And yet I could not keep myself from being in their shoes and weeping. Ziva who did not totally understand, just decided to to come very close and hug me.

We have been recently enjoying the song 'Zombie' by Cranberries and these words struck me as part of the lyrics
----------------------------------
But you see it's not me
It's not my family
In your head, in your
Head they are fighting
----------------------
Will you cry if its not your family?
Will it effect you if you don't know anyone who is blind?
Will it matter if you have not watched someone suffer of a dreaded illness
Will it?

Surviving post-partum depression - My story!

A few years ago, I was attending a stitching class with two other ladies. As the conversation drifted we suddenly found ourselves talking about depression. Specifically the kind you feel after you have had a baby. Post-partum depression in complicated words!
 As we ran a poll, I realized that among the four ladies in the room, three of us had felt some magnitude of depression after the arrival of our little ones. That is 75 % of women. (My statistics!). Of the three of us, two had sought some form of help in regards to this depression. That's 66%. I was the moron who had thought that I was too strong and could overcome this 'Phase' in life. I think its God's grace that I survived and made it this far!

The first question that most will have is  'How did you know you were having post-partum depression?' Well I was depressed , had lost interest in most everything and have occasionally considered hurting myself.  I felt listless most of the time and lacked any drive to get things done. I am not writing this because I want sympathy. I am writing this because I am sure there are tons of new moms who are not sure why they are feeling what they are feeling. More importantly I want to share how I got through some of my struggles

As I analyze my state in that time, I realized that the following definitely contributed toward my depressed state of mind. 
1. We had just moved with a new born baby and a toddler. The move was huge and I was not as prepared as I had thought I was.  DH was starting a new job and needed to spend a lot of time at work. This left me alone, with two human-beings who could not carry out a sane conversation with me, giving my mind a chance to play all kinds of games.
2. I did not have enough help. Two kids with an age difference of 22 months, I needed all the help I could get and yet I could not find it. When I did get it (i.e. found the best nanny in the world) it took me 9 months to trust her alone with my kids. After all these was my babies and they were my responsibility.
3. I did not get enough rest. I went back to work 3 months after baby #1 and we moved to India from the US - 2 months after baby #2. I had pneumonia - 1 week after I joined work post baby #1 and baby #1 had RSV and was hospitalized for 3 days a day after I started my pneumonia antibiotics. I see moms in India take long rests post delivery and 7 month maternity leaves and I think 'Why the heck did I not do that?'
4. I made my life child-centric. I refused to do anything that I could not take my children along with. As a result my life became about me and the babies and the world outside stopped. It was like a disaster waiting to happen.
5. I started gaining weight. While with baby #1 I had managed to stay fit post delivery, eating oats and drinking lots of milk. With baby # 2, I was in India, the land of Gulab jamun and fried 'Wadas'. I started to gain weight at the sight of these foods. Putting on weight... while you have nothing else going on in life, can really take that rock bottom self-esteem and drop it in deep oceans.
6. I did not seem to have time for anything other than the kiddos. When one was sleeping, the other was awake and the cycle continued. This gave me no time for myself. No time to read/watch TV or just be!

I wish I had sought help. But it was when I hit rock bottom that I even realized I was depressed. Till that point I thought it was hormonal and it would go away. One frustrated afternoon I broke down in front of DH crying and pouring out my heart on the way I felt. I think I left him very flustered. The biggest help you need while going through post-partum is your DH to actually know that you are depressed. He was shocked to even think I was depressed. Once I had DH on my side, things started taking an uphill turn!
1. I started to wake up early in the morning and DH would watch the kids if either of them woke up before 7 am. I would read! I started to cycle and I just enjoyed the clearing of my head the morning gave me. The cycling help me loose some of my baby fat and it almost gave me a goal to achieve!
2. I started to look for things to do outside the home. My only condition was that I would not leave the kids at home alone with the maid. DH had to be at home. Bangalore has plenty to do on weekends and so I found opportunities like baking, stitching and painting.
3. I started blogging. I was able to pour out my frustration and achievements over a white screen and it surely helped my head!

Now two years later, I am on constant watch for mood swings. I look for ways and means to lift myself up and I take a break when I need it. This does not involve running away from home, but it does involve being by myself.

When I see moms with newborns the advise I give is please take as much help as you can get. Help from in-laws, help from your parents, a nanny, a cook , whatever you can afford for at least a year.
And most important tell DH when you start to feel crazy in your head!

Quoting Aunty Acid!!!!

Lesson 3 : Artsy Craftsy : Don't waste your time being sad.

By week three the group of 16 kids had set into some sort of dynamics. I never knew kids could have such dynamics. There were sets of friends, the one single one left out, there were the ones dedicated to their work, there were the ones getting into trouble constantly. And then there were the moody ones. These were the ones who stood in a corner refusing to be part of the group. These were  ones who did not want to do what Kanchan said .. but had their own agenda. Everyone had a mood swing day. Surprisingly all the crazy characteristics came out in the last week. I guess we had all gotten comfortable with each other! In between all these sanguine, melancholic, choleric and phlegmatic personalities I found myself being very very cheerful. (Thanks to e-City NLF for introducing the personalities to me - I think there was one week where I was sure that 'sanguine' was the toilet paper word of the day for all the folks there!)
I think art does that to you. It bring you together in a strange way.  Or I just like hanging out with kids!
It was one of those days when Kanchan turned up her volume and said 'Why are you sad ... dont you want to have fun! Don't waste your time being sad!'
It was a life lesson right there. I don't know if the kids got it. But I hope they remember that line all their life ... because that is what life is about.
Lesson 2: Don't waste your time being sad .... there is so much to be happy and thankful for.
I had been sad on Monday morning that week. I knew this was the last week at Artsy Craftsy and while I knew I would be back for art class with Isaac, I knew I would never see the 16 kids together in one room again. As I spoke to 'A' a 12 year old on the last day ... I told her 'Oh I will see you again.. I am coming for Kanchan aunty's art class' . 'A' reminded me ... 'Aunty you will go for the adult class and Isaac will go for the kiddies class ... I will never see you !'
But with one sentence from Artsy Craftsy's CEO ... I was back and jumpy again. I had so much to be thankful for and I had learnt so much the past three weeks. Here is what week three looked like.

 

The younger kids made coaster of foam paper and old CD's. It was so innovative and an excellent way to recycle CD's. I always wanted to do something  with old CD's and here was the perfect craft project. While putting them together 'R' got especially excited .... 'Pizza he yelled out'. I said ... 'No R I think its  a flower' ... I hear a chuckle behind me and I realized I was so wrong. I look at Kanchan .... 'What is it then?' ...' 'Lemon and orange slices!.'

 The older kids worked on Jute coasters. One coaster was a Warli painting and the other was pretty flowers.

The magnets were my favorite. For the Juniors it was so simple and pretty. A smiley face and a strawberry.

Isaac gladly shared the strawberry with Ziva keeping the smiley face for himself.

The older kids had a little more intricately designed fridge magnets. Kanchan kept the finished products and glazed them overnight with Varnish! I never knew you could do that. They were so pretty the next day ... all shiny and looking very professional. It was almost like someone had fired them up in an oven.

One the third day, the juniors made folding cards with nice thick paper and pretty flowers.

The older kids drew a pretty tree with some blossoms and then folded them up into pretty fans.

Day four brought in some no-heat cooking with bread and vegetables. There was cheese too which got nibbled on the way and some never made it on to the plate.

Day five was yet another favorite! Two hangings ... and its hard to decide which was prettier! The Sunlight catcher by the little kids was so pretty and looks even prettier as it hangs on the door in our balcony.

The starry night hanging was very pretty with blues and gold mixed together.

  

And just like that ... summer camp was over. I came home to get online and check when the next camp would be and saw that Artsy Craftsy does camps in the Diwali and Christmas holidays too! While both Isaac and I may join regular drawing/ Art/ Craft classes ... there is something very special about a camp.

Is it that you spend three hours a day with  a few people?... Is it that you learn so much ?... Or is it that you make such nice friends that you can't stop talking about them?  Isaac woke up on Monday morning one week later and while speaking to Ziva promised her 'I will take you to Kanchan aunty's house Ok Ziva. We will go for summer camp  and do painting and coloring!'

PS: my two cents ... I dont think anybody can be categorized into one of the four-personality types mentioned in the beginning. I think our life circumstances push us to being being more of one than the other in each part of our life. So we are technically all four mixed together ... bringing out one dominant personality depending on what is going on around us .... my two cents!