Happy - Sad ! The new household word

I believe every household has it own set of unique words that get used. Some of it makes perfect sense while others are just for the family.
We have several of them in the Joel household. Starting from pet names all the way to code words for the big and small job. Well the big and small job are not really much of code words.
Pet names were created by dad who so dislikes second names. Bumbaloos and Tutoos for the two munchkins.
We also adopted words from some of our favorite shows - like Zrrrbbbtt from the 'Cosby show'. Zrbbttt aka Strawberry kisses.
But this recent one 'Happy- Sad' is probably my favorite. It started with when we got deep into Missionary stories with homeschool. I think it was two years ago that I was reading to Isaac 'Missionary Stories with the Millers'. I usually am a relatively emotionless person. But this one story got to me and as the story ended I was crying.
Are you sad Amma?
Yes?
And I got a much needed hug.
A few days later we were watching a video by Samsung. The one with the blind kids :)

Again I was in tears.
Amma you are sad?
No :). I am Happy sad.

And just like it became a household word. Every time I cried after that, for stories I read or videos we watched together, I was asked
Amma are you Happy Sad?

Yesterday we watched this video

And again I got all teary!  Maybe because I feel to some extent I have sucked out the color from my kids lives. Because I also recently feel drained of any color!
Amma are you Happy Sad
Kind of !
So to we decide to do a Happy sad emoji :)

 

My theory on the neverending wish list of my second born #ziva, #second #mine

I am a second born kid. Suresh is one too. This means we both have a sibling older than us. I am really glad because we kind of figure out the reason for why our second born behaves a certain way sometimes. SOMETIMES.

We have been seeing for a while now how Ziva is always asking for something. We have done our absolute level best to ensure that we treat both of them equally. But I think the inequality creeped in anyway when Ziva was born 1 year and 10 months later.

A few days ago, Ziva walked down the stairs after a shower with a shorts and the tshirt and someone who was sitting at our table waiting for lunch called out ‘HI! You are wearing Isaac’s clothes’. She looked down at herself and said as confidently as she could ‘No I am not!’. But the truth was she was! I felt a pang of guilt. I also realized that Ziva had a lot of hand me downs. Not crummy ones but still they were a seconds ... used. I really have no problem with seconds. I personally used to love wearing my cousins and sisters hand me downs. But I think somewhere along, this trade down of items causes a bit of a scar.

To talk about clothes alone, it seems like Ziva has a lot of clothes and Isaac too few. But if you look closely a lot of what Ziva has is mainly hand me downs. Including from cousins. A few months ago when we visited my sister, she took Isaac and Ziva to the hypermart to buy some color books and pencils. (We had left our pencil box and book bag on our flight to Mumbai). Isaac walked in and bought one drawing book and one set of color pencils. My sister asked him if he wanted a fancy pencil box or a bag or anything. He held his drawing book and said, ‘This is all I need’. Ziva on the other hand needed no coaxing. She soon had picked up a pink bag a pencil box, crayons etc.

I honestly find it hard that I raised both of them in the same household, with the same facilities. Yet my little girl had chosen to pick up random stuff that she probably never would use. I think all she wanted was something that someone bought just for her! Not a hand me down, not a second thought. Just for her!

Wearing Isaac's swim clothes

The theory of and downside of hand me downs: If its clothes, they rarely fit properly. They almost are never the color you like. This works very heavily especially if one person is a pink lover and the other a green lover. If toys or other items, they always seem scratched or  used. There is never that pleasure of opening up something new.

Suresh and I have similar stories. Stories of wanting our parents to buy us something. Stories where we adamantly demanded something that was probably unreasonable or unnecessary. Suresh once sat on a tricycle and refused to get off it till his parents had to finally buy it. I remember wearing so many hand me downs and since I was a size smaller, spending many hours tightening skirts and shortening salwar kameez’s that belonged to my sister. I did use this as an opportunity to make them a little extra short and a little extra tight 😉. While I did love her clothes, about the 11^th grade I made a total wardrobe switch and started wearing nothing but T-shirts and Jeans. This reduced the sharing I could do and I stopped the pipeline of hand me downs. Ziva has already started on those lines where she prefers wearing skirts and dresses to pants or shorts 😊. I say smart kid.

Isaac's sweater 

We were recently planning to get a new bicycle for Isaac since he is starting to ride mine now. As we talked about it I saw Zivas expectant look. We kind of held back our decision. In about 1 year and 10 months, Ziva would be using my cycle too. We would wait till that time to buy a cycle they both would share. No more hand me downs. Changing to a world of sharing and equal opportunity.

Murder! #tencommandments #learning #listening

We were reading a story the other day as part of our Sonlight homeschool curriculum. Just to put in a little word : I 'Heart' sonlight!

The word that came up was murder.
Me: Isaac do you know what murder means
I was little annoyed because Isaac looked very distracted as I had been reading to him. Read aloud is big part of our daily routine. Thanks to so many books to read aloud I have been reading books after a long time.
Isaac: Being angry with your brother!
FULLSTOP.
Me (a mixture of a lot of emotions) :What? Where did you learn that Isaac?
Isaac (a little more attentive): Cain and Abel in the bible
I want to take a moment here to hug all Isaac's Sunday school teachers!!!!
Isaac (like me) doesn't have very good control over his emotions. Anger being one of the key emotions that we both struggle with. I believe (sorry for sounding holy) it is a curse I have passed on to him and I pray daily that we both will be freed from this bondage I call 'ANGER'.
In a matter of seconds it seemed like we had switched roles. He being the teacher and me being the learner! It was like my son was preaching to me.
Well all these wonderful holy things comes to me with a dash of guilt. Am I overdoing it? Was I teaching them all the right things and not helping them practice it!
Last week at carecell as we were writing down prayer points, Sapna, one of the youth at church, was joking about something and she happened to say this dialogue ' Where you go I will go ...'
Ziva completed it for her : 'Your people shall me my people'
I stopped short and when Ziva noticed she had got all our attention she added with a big smile ' Ruth said it to Naomi'

I shared my fear of how my kids knew all the stories too well that one day they would just accept everything without actually having an experience with the God that created them :)
I got a lot of encouragement that evening. I hold on to it. Sapna responded saying, that knowing all this would help them live a life towards HIM. Susan added saying that it was all these teachings and her parents life lived out, that helped her during tough situations in her life.
As I write this blog, I am reminded of the story of a boy who didn't want to read the bible because he could not understand it. His grandfather makes him carry water in a coal basket. While the basket never holds any of the water, it eventually washes away the coal making the basket clean.

Maybe that is how all these stories will help Isaac and Ziva. As they live in this world, maybe these stories will build them up slowly and steadily and keep them strong in the tough storms of life.
Holding On and Pressing On.


Full story of the Coal Basket here: https://www.crossroad.to/Victory/stories/coal-basket.htm

For the 'Queen'!

About 3 years ago when we moved into our new place in Ardendale (from our old place in Ardendale :)), our friend Vandana gifted us a beautiful set of 'Borosil' drinking glasses. The brand of the glasses has a story as Suresh had gone to Vandana's place and harped about these very brand and Vandana, whose dad was an ex-army man, got it from the canteen because Suresh would not stop at how much he loved these glasses when he was a kid.



The lovely glasses sat in a special place, in view and yet, I did not want anyone using them because they were so delicate. We are a clumsy family and in a few months from getting this gift  broke a few from literally just touching them. I then completely banned Suresh from touching the glasses. I kept giving him some of our regular 'chai' wala glasses for drinking water.
A few weeks ago, Isaac was helping me set up the table for Dinner. His latest fancy is to use the 'Correlle' plates and breakable glasses. As he climbed up the counter opened the cupboard and pulled out one of the glasses, I turned just in time to realize it was one from 'precious' set.
Me: Isaaac  (in an exasperated tone)
Isaac looked confused.
Me: Take some other glasses. Not those!
Isaac looked back into the cup board not knowing what the difference really was.
Me: We can use those glasses when the 'Queen' comes.
Isaac nodded like he completely understood. He put back the glasses
Me: (a little stunned with the obedience) Isaac do you know when the Queen is coming?
Like he knew a secret I didnt.
Isaac: No
And then when he heard Suresh and me laughing he gave one of his blushing smiles and an annoyed punch as to why we were teasing him.

Coming a little ahead in time.
Last evening we had a few folk from Church in our house for a Christmas dinner. One young man came into the kitchen to help himself to some water and as he opened the cupboard to which I pointed he pulled out a glass from my 'precious' set. Isaac had just walked into the kitchen to view this choice of glass.
Isaac: Sanjay uncle, that is for the 'Queen'
Sanjay stops short. Looks from Suresh to me in confusion. We both started to laugh and as we shared the little story, Sanjay responds.
Sanjay: I am the Queen
Isaac and Ziva : (Squeal of laughter) You are not a girl.

Like Appa! Zivas world

So its lunch time and we are trying to be quiet these days just so we can finish lunch in 1/2 hr. But these days Isaac is the conversation starter - Surprise!
'Amma where did you get that picture ' He asks nodding toward a painting of Versailles.
 We bought it ' I replied a little disinterested.
'You went to Europe' He continues with a smirk on his face.
'Yes ... I went to France and went up the Eiffel Tower' I retort like a seven year old.
'Is the castle a museum?'  He persists.
'Yes Isaac. It the castle of Versailles! There are very few kings or knights in castles any more'
Little background - Isaac has been learning about knights and castles and the crusade.

Now Ziva joins in. ' Will you take us there next time Amma'
'No. You study hard, make money and go one your own!' I reply
' No. I want you to take me!' Ziva whimpers.
'I went on my own. Appacha did not pay for me.' I said with way too much pride.
'But I dont want to go ALONE!' She whines some more. AHA!
'You can get married and go with your husband!' I grinned suddenly pleased with the conversation.
Ziva smiles.
'Marry someone who likes traveling OK?!' I advise
'And someone who likes to dance!' Ziva adds with enthusiasm.
Now I am curious. It seemed like she had someone in mind already.
'Like who Ziva' I ask curiously. Names of all the boys Ziva knows is flashing through my head and I am crossing them off very quickly because not one of them is worth my daughter - Yes I know - Typical mom!

'Like Appa' Ziva answers enthusiastically. ' He likes to dance'

My heart is all melted and lying in sloppy tears all over the floor.

Suresh Joel ... some boy is going to have a tough job fitting into your shoes :)

Creating Memories #kids #childhood

I cannot remember which movie it is! But there was this dialogue about creating memories for our kids. Most of us think that memories are captured in photographs and so we take a million photos. And I think that is a fantastic way to capture memories. But do we think about creating memories. Some of us have a strange gift of keeping to 'memory' mainly the tragic stuff that has happened to us.
I have a huge pandora's box of bad 'memories'.
Some of us think that we need to go places or see things to create memories. But having traveled a bit and seen some of Gods wonderful creation, I am one for things that happened and people that were with me. That is what stays in my memory.
This afternoon, I had two friends come over and as we sat reminiscing about some old memories, I realized that some of them didn't just happen. We created them. There were trips we had planned or gatherings together, that had created some fun times. Memories.

After my friends left, and I sat on the couch to get to work, my eyes caught a few pictures I had taken this past weekend. Sunday has been a long day. We usually had long days on Sunday. But yesterday had started at 5 am and ended for us at 9 pm. By us I mean the kids too. While the afternoon to evening had been particularly boring for the kids, the morning had begun fantastically.

 

I had set up my alarm to 4 am and because I had not slept till midnight the previous two nights I turned off the alarm at 4 and slept till 5 am. At 5 am on Sunday morning we jumped off the bed. Woke the kids up and in 20 minutes got ready and were driving off to Forum Value mall in Whitefield. It was a 5 k run and for the first time we had taken the kids to a registered, organized run. The Purple run - Cause was Alzheimer's awareness.

Suresh and I have run several times over the past 1.5 years. Every time we ran and came home the kids would ask us if it had been fun and from their perspective we were having lots of fun. Finally Ziva started asking when she could come with us. When we saw the invitation for all ages at the Purple Run we registered as a family. For the first time! We reached Forum at 5:35 and pinned on our bibs just in time to click a selfie and start running. Suresh ran with Isaac. Ziva and I paced together. About midway through the run Ziva was in tears and said .. 'Amma next time I want to run only 1K'. We gently kept pushing them towards theirs final destination. Walking, sprinting, jogging and stopping, we reached the goal. As we crossed the finish line a gentleman came closer to look at the bib of the kids. 5K was written in purple. Wow! Good job, he said as he patted Isaac on the head. The exhaustion escaped and Isaac was shy because of the compliment.

We do not know how they will remember this run! But we did seize the opportunity to create a 'good' memory for Isaac and Ziva. Happy dance. :)

Mounika and Josh joining was a sure encouragement. About a kilometer away from the destination Mounika asked me softly if we were pushing them. I said 'maybe' and kept going :). What Mounika had not seen was that before she joined Ziva and me, Ziva had been whining. But the minute she saw Mounika join, she had a happy smile all the rest of the way.

As we came really close the end of the run and people were cheering us to complete it,  Ziva comments ' I hope I get a gold medal ' :) :)

The move! #kidsmoving

We recently had some close friends move out of Bangalore. It was a strange mix of emotions! Laughing about old fun times and getting mopey at the thought of not seeing them often.

Suresh and I have moved several times. In fact during the first seven year of our marriage we moved

2003 January 300 E Franklin #805
2004 May 300 E Franklin #1401
2005 October 1503 Irby Drive
2007 July Lodges at Seven Oaks
2008 January 2601 Barred Owl way
2009 January 1027 S Hanover Street
2010 January 1409 Pangbourne Way
2011 November MIMS Ardendale Bangalore

You could say that we had gotten pretty good at moving and settling and packing and moving in the first seven years. It was easy to move when it was just Suresh and me. Though we had plenty of furniture. It seemed like there was nothing in particular keeping us clinging to one spot.
The last move however took a heavy toll on us. It was a big move. It also was accompanied with a significant life change. Arrival of baby #2 'Ziva'. As we made the decision to move and as we ironed out the fine details of the movers and dates and other logistics, we had forgotten one small element. We forgot to prepare our 1.5 year old. It may seem silly! You may even think that 'What can a 1.5 year old understand?'. The move to Bangalore took a heavy toll on Isaac.

This was my happy and sweet boy a few weeks before we left. The first couple months in Bangalore was a nightmare. Not too clingy a boy, he suddenly had deep separation anxiety. He would cry every morning as Appa took off to work. This made the first half of my day miserable. I tried to keep pushing through it with the hope that dad would come home soon and rescue me.
At about two weeks past birth, Isaac smiled a big broad knowing smile. A friend, who was also a pediatrician, commented - 'You guys must have smiled a lot during the pregnancy'. 2 years and one big move later and Isaac spent a lot of time crying. Whining to be precise. There was a lot of tears all the time.
Nap times were easy till 1.5 year for Isaac. I could never remember him waking up crying. In fact our favorite memory of Isaac waking up was a quiet sound we heard whispering over the baby monitor. Several times we peeked through the door and he would be lying quietly talking to his fingers or staring at the wall as if it was a piece of Picasso. Come Bangalore and I could not leave him alone at nap time. The minute I rolled out of bed he followed me. It seemed a different person.
Now five years later, I am thankful the phase is over. But a small part of me knows that moving and change is an inevitable part of life. What will I do differently this time?


Moving with someone who cannot express how their are feeling is tough business. Moving with someone who now can express a lot but doesn't understand their own emotions is far greater a turmoil and while I pray it will not happen ... Tomorrow is another day

Once I mentioned the fact that we had moved so many times, it seemed ridiculous and my brother in law mentioned that we were after all Isaac's parents and like the biblical story of Isaac's parents, Abraham and Sarah, maybe we were destined to be nomads.
How did Abraham do it? Keep moving! How did the Israelites do it? Keep walking. No stability and nothing the same.

This being said, the community of MIMS Ardendale has been the place we have stayed in the longest. (we did move between two houses less then a few meters from each other). And I am thankful for this stability. However a few months ago, in the midst of some trials I impulsively told Suresh - Lets move! For me - move is an escape route. The EJECT button. But maybe it time for me to make my peace with here and now - for the sake of Isaac and Ziva!

Reading !

I will read your books
I want to know what happens in your dreams

I will listen to your songs
I want to know what's playing in your head

I will do the things that make you smile
I want to know what makes you happy

I will listen to your songs
I want to know what you are feeling

I will read your books
I want to be a part of your life

Feminist or Independent or strong #daughterstories

This was what my daughter wore to a wedding recently and while she got a lot of 'ooos' and 'aaas' and maybe a few frowns, one particular comment led to a lovely conversation with my most favorite person!

Comment : 'Lovely and elegant!! Zivakutty I hope 20 years later also you will show the same passion to this most elegant dress.
While that comment hit some deep dark wound from a long ago. I responded this way

Response: In 20 years ... I pray she is happy.. healthy and as passionate about life as she is now. The sarees, skirts and pants will come and go :)

One person seemed to like my comment and I wondered whether I had touched some deep dark wound from long ago! I wondered if there were other wounded souls walking around who had to wear clothes that others thought were elegant.
FYI: My closet is very mixed. I have it all. No not 150 sarees in all colors! But pants, skirts (short and long ones), shorts, tops, sleeveless, salwars, dungrees, sarees, pyjamas, jeans, t-shirts, sweats, tracks. I am not one who will tell you what to wear and not to. I believe you are mature enough to decide that. I am not one who will tell you your 'inner' wear is showing. I believe everyone in this world wears one and sometimes it shows!

At one time Ziva and I were at war over clothes, some two years ago when she three years! Yes! She wanted to wear only skirts and she had a lot of very cute shorts. Somehow, I think, she had figured in her head that girls wear only shirts. She actually looks the cutest in a pair of chequed pants that are a hand me down from her brother. And no she doesn't look like a boy. She looks like a feisty 5-year old with fire in her eyes and passion to conquer the world, with a naughty smile to kill all!

I did wonder if I was raising her too boyish and I realized with the saree episode, Ziva was a strong young girl, and she would be herself no matter what she wore. She would light up any room she went into.
While my thoughts were brewing over the saree and other fancy clothes, this person sent me this particular article.
https://www.vagabomb.com/Adichies-Powerful-Essay-on-Raising-a-Feminist-Daughter/

While I love the article and agree with the lot of the things the author says, I am not so sure about the use of the word 'feminist'. I have been called a feminist (by someone who did not know me) because I asked a husband to got help his wife make tea instead of comment on the color of the tea or the taste as she struggled to make it for 20 people. Its not about equality. Its not about independence.
As I was brewing over this article, the person who sent me this said one more thing and I liked it very much
Comment:While saying/believing men are superior is misogyny, saying/believing women are superior is misandry. Both aren't helpful. Its not a competition between men  and women.
Wow! How true? So then feminism was wrong?
I thought on my initial experience on wanting to be equal to men or boys. Most of the resentment to be better or equal came from an extra bias toward the boy cousins in our family. We were always restrained or told we couldn't do certain things which our boy cousins got a free hand at.
Don't climb trees!
Don't ride the bicycle so much!


I brewed on that thought for a moment and wondered what I wanted to pass on to my daughter. No! Not what I want her to be. But what I want to share with her. Here is how it came out.
A feminist may think 'equal', but actually we are not. Some things, we women do far better and something men may do far better. No, this is not gender roles. I do not intend to say that I bake better than Suresh! But here is a more role reversal rarely seen in families - Finances. I do a far better job at maintaining them than the man of the house :). I, however, believe he has a God ordained responsibility over the house which he protects and provides for.

So Ziva - don't strive for equality,  strive instead toward your strength because when you are strong there will be no need to be equal.

Be a strong woman... one of character and confidence. Be a passionate woman. Be an emotional woman one who is willing to shed and show her tears. Do not mask it under holiness or false egoistical strength.
A feminist may think that hearts don't get broken!
An independent woman may never accept that her heart is broken!
But a strong woman is willing to set a heart in a place where it may get broken time and again. Sometimes her family will break it ... sometimes her friends will break it. She picks up the pieces and keeps at her strength.
Be that kind of a woman Ziva!


A feminist may climb a tree just so that she can show equality
An independent woman may not want any help while she climbs the tree
But a strong woman will accept help and want to climb up to enjoy the view and the company! As she climbs she will take help others climb up to.
Be that kind of woman Ziva!

A feminist may look for reasons to exclude the men in her life (father, brother, husband etc)
An independent woman may think she can get on in life without these men
A strong women knows the value of these men in her life. She knows they bring her a significance and security that she can gain from nowhere else. She also knows she is valued and honored by them. Her strength comes from not demanding it but realizing it
Be that kind of woman Ziva!

PS: This is not meant to offend anyone. I do not have a problem with feminism or independence. But I have learned through life that a person is more complete when they can believe that they are both strong and weak. No one is equal. :). The war for equality makes one person feel victimized and the other made to believe they are superior.

/ A friend of mine responded over FB to this blog and I am sharing it here. I dont agree with all of it./
Such a nice article. I am so glad your daughter is growing so well, also growing with such an amazing role model. .....Also, feminism may not be a bad word.... Independent women :: may be equal to :: strong women :: may be equal to :: feminism. It is not probably to show anybody outside the measure of equality to the other gender. The thought process could have come from a time where women had to fight for equal rights just to vote or drive a car (we have traveled in a long way in most countries... some countries are still fighting for it). For our country - it may not be so strong, nevertheless sometimes, extremely subtle.... Sometimes, also has a religious/superficial cover to it. Nevertheless, still exists. We are fortunate that we do not face major issues for our rights, but the struggle still is strong for the majority. Feminism is not a bad word; it may not be the struggle to prove a point. Just the aspect that one recognizes the efforts of the past women who fought to where we can be free and those women who continue to fight for basic rights. Feminism may just be strong :) Happy Day

/To which I responded/
It's just that the word has been misused/misconstrued/misunderstood!
#respectthewomenwhofought
The pursuit should not be equality ...Rather respect !

/To which another was made/
I agree. "feminism" as a term is being shunned. But if it was not for the women's movement who fought so hard, we would not have been where we are as a society. I would not be working with equal wages or given a right to vote. I agree feminism is not about superiority but mutual respect - Unfortunately, the terminology now when used is not perceived the same way. Nevertheless, feminism was the movement that we can even have this discussion. So, feminism is good :) Also, one correction - the discussion is not about equality (since equality is given) but the argument about superiority is to be removed.

/And me again/
I believe equal wages should be given to those who deserve. Gender, race, minority, class, religion etc ... nothing ... nothing should define equality! We are unequal. We were created that way. We were created to fit into each other. What a peaceful world that would be if we just recognized that! If we were all equal then we would all look alike and behave alike. What a Black or White world that would be? Respect - the weaker person not because you feel sorry - but because you fit into one another. Respect - the stronger person not out of envy - but because you have so much more to learn.

 

Why did I leave my job!

The question has repeated and this time it was asked by the younger of my two munchkins.

Ziva: Amma are you a cook?
I am glad she didn't call me a 'cooker'! I had just finished instructing the cook something when this question came up.

I was just about to answer when Isaac chimed it.

Isaac: No! She is a doctor.
I was shocked at how clear he was about my educational qualification.

Me: Isaac! Who told you... How did you know?
Isaac (sheepish smile because I still had an expression of shock):  I saw it on your laser pointer. It was written 'Dr. Rohini George'

Then he turned to Ziva and said.
Isaac: She is not a doctor who gives medicine. She is a doctor who fixes big machines.

I then remembered that I had showed Isaac pictures of me working on linear accelerators.

Ziva: Amma you don't go to GE?

GE is where Appa works and I think the current assumption is if I were to work... I would be going to GE! Yea right like they would hire me!

Isaac: No only Appa goes to GE
And Munchkin # 1 has his basics right!

Me: Isaac why did I stop working?
My curiosity got the better of me and I just had to know why he thought I was not out there with Dad

Isaac: You stopped working to have children.

Tada - simple and clear
Me: No Isaac - I stopped working because I had children and I wanted to be with my children.

Ziva style spiritual blackmail! Ziva's world

While reading the book 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' by Tedd Tripp I came across the concept of the 'Circle of Blessing'. This is a simple way of explaining to a child the reasons for obeying parents.
It was simple and even little Ziva caught on to it. It made things easier and helped me keep calm when I had to explain to them that if they did disobey I would have to discipline them.
All I needed to say was 'I, Z you are going out of the Circle!'

Well sometimes kids help us get perspective on our methods of correction. While I think the Circle of blessing is a wonderful way to correct, I need to stop using it as a blackmail tool :)

Recently I have been getting really tired of Ziva not finishing her meals quickly. She has either being playing with her food or talking way too much. So as a repercussion I decided to have her pay the price of not eating her meals when told to do so! When Isaac and I finished our meal we would go upstairs and read a story.
The first day I did this, Ziva yelled and screamed for me to stop reading while still not finishing her food.
The second day she finished her food quickly and joined us
The third day
Me: Ziva finish fast or else Isaac and I will read 'Beezus and Ramona'
Ziva: Amma does Jesus like it when you don't read to me?


Talk about Spiritual Blackmail!

The Sanguine and the Melancholic - Ziva's world

There is this pretty cool thing that I discovered recently. TEMPERAMENTS. We each have a different temperament
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_temperaments
Lots of things are involved in how our temperaments are formed. As part of a marriage seminar, Suresh and I took the temperament test.
I am a Choleric
Suresh is a Phelgmatic.
Suddenly my husband made so much sense to me! I have always loved him! But now he made sense!
As a consequence of the temperament analysis I now walk around looking at people through the eye glass of temperaments! I am not judging - its just that they make more sense!

Guess who comes under the scrutiny of this eye glass! Of course Isaac and Ziva.
Yesterday I was talking to Isaac and Ziva about the paralyzed man and his four friends from the book of Matthew 9:2-6. The story is about four friends bringing their paralyzed friend to Jesus to be healed. Ahhh - Good friends! The ones who stick around even when you are paralyzed.

I finished the story and asked Isaac
Me: Who is your best friend Isaac?
Isaac (Without a blink): Jeremey
Me: Who is your best friend Ziva?
Ziva: Suzanna and Natania and Akshaya and Aaron and Audrey!
Me: OK Ziva! But tell me one name who is your best friend!
Ziva (Pause ... whines) : But Amma ... I want all the girls and all the boys to be my best friend!

Typical Sanguine!  They love you the most and forget you the fastest ;)

Read to me mommy! A million times more

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things.

Read more: The Sound Of Music - My Favorite Things (maria) Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Reading has been by far our favorite thing to do together. I remember reading Isaac his very first book when he was 3 months old. By age 9 months, I could leave Isaac in any corner of the house with a stack of board book and find him flipping through them when I returned 15 minutes later. 

I slacked a little with Ziva when she was a new born. But in the last year made up for it by reading to her books from Isaac's age group. She used to be a poor listener but now has patience of a 5-year-old listening to books I read to Isaac and answering questions I ask him.

Every day is read to me day. With Isaac now reading, I occasionally find him pouring over pages trying to figure out words and put together sentences. But we still sit together and devour books. I love the books as much as they do.

But I can never forget where we started. There were those first few books that got me started and kept me going. I love reading and have read several books more than once. But in the past 5 years there have been a few books I have read a few million times plus or minus a few thousands here and there.

Its the books that would calm the cranky sick baby. 

Its the books that would keep the wriggly wiggly baby calm in my lap as I sat through church. 

Its the books that would make an impatient toddler settle in his car sear for a six-hour drive to Timbuktu.

Its the books that would keep the little one sitting still on the potty with a mommy sitting close by with fingers crossed hoping that today would be the day that her little one would finally get trained.

Its the books that made nap time easier and wake up times happier.

These are my list of favorite baby/toddler/ pre-schooler books. I still have these, my fiver year old still ravages through them and so I am not sharing!!!

Good night moon by Maragret Wise Brown

The silliest little rhyme there is to be found. But the loveliest little lullaby to put both mommy and baby to sleep. This was the first book I ready to Isaac. We still read it and we still love it! When I read it to Ziva, I found a new perspective : ' Look for the mouse in each page' and just like that I the book found new meaning to my second born. Love it

Runaway bunny by Maragret Wise Brown

Another lovely book by the same author of Good night moon. This one makes you want to hug your little toddler closer as they look to runaway! Both Isaac and Ziva loved listening to how I would run and catch them where ever they went!

Big Red Barn by Maragret Wise Brown

Again from the author of Good night moon comes a story about all the barn animals. Lovely little rhyme about the farm from dawn to dusk. Lovely little wake up son or lullaby!

Barnyard dance by Sandra Boyton

This crazy book, could possibly be Isaac and Ziva's introduction to a rap song!  A fun book to rhyme and rap and dance with.

The going to bed book  by Sandra Boyton

Another book form the author of Barnyard Dance and a perfect glance into the life of the animals in Noah's Ark. Love the imagination of the author on what all the animals must have done on the Ark before they went to sleep.

Time for bed  by Mem Fox

The sweetest way to say good night to my little ones. A sweet way to convince them to close their sleepy eyes and hug and kiss mommy goodnight.

Hush little baby a folk song

This is Ziva's favorite. From age 18 months till recently every night Suresh would sing this song to close the day.

They say its never too early to sing or read to a child and I would say its never to late to read these books to your little one. To all the mommies who read the same book millions times - I salute you!
#EveryDayIsMothersDay

#MothersDay

The New Generation - Things we never said to our parents

I find my son and daughter telling me things. Things that make me wonder 'Did I ever say that to my mother or father'. I am not a lovy dovy person. I am totally practical. They way I show my love is by doing things for you. Like picking up your socks or baking a cake!
But these two little munchkins come up with the perfect liners at the perfect time that make you want to hold your chest and say 'Oh My do I really deserve this LOVE'.
My top five favorites are
1. 'I love you Amma': I don't believe I every told my parents I loved them. Maybe  they felt it when I was obedient or did as they told me (which was not very often either). But come the new Generation and I get so many 'I love you's'. And its not only about the 'I love you's', its the timing. Usually its when either I walk in to the door or when Isaac or Ziva walk in after a park visit. A hug and and 'I love you' and the days is perfect! Makes every day fell like Mothers Day #EveryDayIsMothersDay #MothersDay

2. 'I miss you Amma': I never said this to my parents. Even when I saw them after a 3 month long summer vacation where me and my sister were packed off to Kerala to be with our grandparents. Its not that I did not miss them - its just  - I guess our generation. But with Isaac and Ziva even a 15 minutes trip to the grocery store and back and I get a 'I missed you Amma'. Heart melting and reaching for the tissue box.

3. 'Don't take for so long OK' : This is another version of the ' I miss you'. As I was packing my bag for a baking course I was planning on spending the whole Saturday at, I go this little piece of advise ' Amma don't take for so long OK - come back soon'.  Whether it was the sweetness in the structure of the sentence or the innocence with which it was said I don't know! Its  just makes me seem so special! #EveryDayIsMothersDay

4. 'Have fun Amma!' : This was right after I sat Isaac and Ziva down for a conversation on how I would go for a baking class and learn to make yummy things for them. They listened very carefully as I told them to be good and not trouble Appa. As I got ready to walk out of the door I got this call 'Have fun Amma'. 

5. Classic: This is probably the one that goes on top of the list. It was a conversation between me and Ziva that I should have recorded. Three and half year old Ziva had just watched 'Cinderella' with her cousins. As she was playing with her dolls back home I heard her say
' Yes Step mother'. I stopped
' Ziva who is the step mother' . Ziva coyly responded
' Cinderella's mother'
' Am a step mother' I asked wondering what she understood about a step mother.
' No step mother gets very angry' Ziva responded
' I get very angry Ziva' I edged her on
' Yes but you get very angry and then you get very happy with me. '
It seemed like the most philosophical way of explaining to a three year old about the mother who loved her and therefore had to correct her. She gave my mother skill justification and a guarantee stamp with those innocent word!

#EveryDayIsMothersDay and #MothersDay

This blog is written for a mother's day blogging contest New Generation

So much talking - Ziva's world

When she grows up -Ziva is going to kill me for this blog post.
So Ziva is going up and down between Aunty on the 1st floor and me in the basement. Somewhere in between Aunty sits her on the potty to pee. Some half hour later its time to go to the park. Now the problem with Ziva is she needs to pee every 6 seconds usually. So Aunty calls Ziva again and sits her on the potty
Aunty: Ziva make ' Susu' (our code language for pee)
Ziva obediently sit on the potty. But the girl's bladder is empty
Aunty: Ziva make ' Susu'
Ziva : Enge make 'Susu' aunty. Just now I made 'Susu'. If you say make 'Susu' , make 'Susu'  .. how will I make 'Susu'.

Aunty was in the state of shock for sometime.

Classic Ziva - Ziva's world

She is a 'Vayadi' - i.e. jabber mouth. She can go on for hours non-stop. She will douse you with questions without needing answers. She will talk about anything and everything.
That's my girl and she definitely does not get that characteristic from me. i.e. Talking! I keep telling Suresh that comes straight from Patti Amma Kalyani who could go on talking.
At the dinner table one evening
Ziva: Jabber Jabber Jabber
Me: Ziva! Less talking more eating.
A few nights later we are going to bed and
Ziva: Jabber Jabber
Suresh: Ziva! Less talking more sleeping

Silence. A few seconds of peace and I remember I had to tell Suresh about something that happened in the day.
Me: Suresh you know what happened...
Ziva: Amma less talking more sleeping
Silence
Laughter ... squeals ... hugs!

Bottle - Glass - Bottle - Glass - Ziva's world

This three year old is turning into a complete comedy central.

Most mornings now Isaac and Ziva drink milk from a glass. A special glass with an animal on the side. A cat for Ziva and a bear for Isaac. Most mornings go calmly even as milk is split on the table or the floor. But its part of the game.

Every so often Ziva will wake up and ask for milk in her sipper
Ziva :' I want milk in my pink bottle'

This request usually comes after we have got the milk ready in the glass!! Almost like she is testing our patience.

One such morning - we get milk ready in the glass. Ziva asks for the bottle. We give it in the bottle and about half hour later she sees Isaac drinking in a glass and she now wants the milk in the glass. (Yes drinking milk is a long process in our household)

Me: Ziva - You cannot keep saying Glass -- Bottle -- Glass --bottle
Ziva : Glass -- bottle --- glass --- bottle
Pauses momentarily
Ziva: I said Glass bottle glass bottle

Suresh laughing uncontrollably! Me stumped!

Wearing those Skirts ... Painting those nails

I am a jeans person. I am most comfortable wearing the same ragged jeans 24 x 7.
I rarely get a manicure and pedicure done. Once a month maybe once in 3 months. I rarely comb my hair straight ... I like it frizzy. I wait for it to dry now and braid it... I rarely let it open.

But having a daughter changes so much.

A few weeks back my maid came home laughing at what someone asked Ziva in the park and how she responded
Aunty XYZ to Ziva: Ziva you want to come for nail polish party
Ziva (Who I am sure has no idea what a nail polish party is ): Can I bring my mama too?

On second thoughts I think she does know what nail polish is ... else she would have said can I bring by papa too!!

More than anything I was thrilled that she wanted me to come along. I wonder how long that will last! I also wanted to knock Aunty XYZ on her head for asking my 3 year old for a nail polish party!!! But I did realize that I have a little girl and I need to start doing a few more girly things. This does not mean nail polish parties, but I think my little girl would enjoy painting  her nails. When I mentioned this to Suresh he flipped out! Oh God no ! was his response. 'I dont want her getting all crazy so young'
I responded 'If she is anything like me ... we wont have to worry about it'

A few days back I was wearing a wraparound skirt and swirled around to avoid a chair. The skirt did a little swirl. I saw that Ziva was noticing. She immediately got off her chair and started to swirl her dress.  
A friend of mine has been recently being showering me with a lot of beautiful colored trinkets and Ziva loves looking at me put them on.

While I do not agree with 'Run like a Girl' because my girl runs as fast as she can .... I think there are lot of things that a girl enjoys that should be enjoyed ...
Here is to many years of girly things ... painting nails, wearing skirts ... cupboard full of shoes ... long baths ...  combing my hair down ... wearing eye liners and earing drops!

And what about the boy... I recently wore blue colored eye liner and Isaac happened to notice it.
'Hi Amma your eyes are blue'
Thanks to the boys who will balance us out when we go crazy :)

The Insatiable need to get more answers

Whats your favorite animal?
Whats your favorite alphabet?
Whats your favorite color?
Whats your favorite bird?

It started with these simple ones. He asked everyone including a clueless Ziva .. when she had not even started speaking. He even decided that Ziva's favorite animal was a Zebra.
And then it went on to  ...
What does a baker do?
How do you make bread?
How do you make cupcakes?
How does the car go to the garage?
How does the car get lifted up?
How does the bags come go to the airplane?
Where is the control tower?
Why is the light blinking?
Whats your favorite truck?
How does the digger dig mud?
...
You get the idea...
I know I should encourage these constant questions. But there are moments that he catches me while I am trying to do something and am just able to keep up with his questions and then he gets snapped at.
'One minute Isaac!'
But the other day I got the most interesting question.
ME: 'Isaac XYZ is going to have a baby sister or brother soon!'
Isaac: 'Where is XYZ's baby sister/brother now?'
ME: 'In her mama's stomach'
Isaac: 'How did XYZ's baby sister/brother come in her mama's stomach?
I took the shortcut out of this one
ME: 'God put XYZ's baby sister /brother in there'
Isaac: ' But how did God put it there!'
Time out - mommy needs to think! He is almost 5 is it too early for him? I wondered. I managed to slime out of the question and then I found this book a few days later. It was perfect - just what I needed.
It was actually part of the 3-4 year old curriculum.


I had always thought that dad would teach Isaac about how we make babies and I could teach Ziva (gave me at least another year or two !) But in the light of recent events in Bangalore I decided I would teach them both and definitely be the one to tell my son. I believe moms need to actively teach their children (especially sons) about respecting women and its starts from right here - Where do babies come from?

Isaac listened intently as I used words like sperm and egg and while I was a little giddy he just seemed interested. At one point he looked and said - That looks like a tadpole!

I do not know how much he will remember of this,  but I am glad I got to be the first one to speak with him on this topic. Here is to more parenting topics such as these! Here is to being able to answer those questions! Here is to being there for them!

Sibling Conversation

Years ago I remember my sister tell someone who had a single child - that sibling relationship was very important. While the argument from the opposite side was that cousins were enough - my sister vehemently said - its not the same as having a sibling
I did not think much about it then. Mainly because I did not even have one child at that point and the hope of having one was slowly dwindling away.
And then I had one ....... And then I had a second one.
And most days now I think that my head is going to explode with their arguments. Because boy they can drive you up the walls!
But then there are those treasured conversations and those cute role plays that make it all fall into place. And now my sister's argument makes complete sense.

Most of the conversation in the back of the car are
'He's looking at me'
'She pulled my hair!'
'His leg is on my car seat!'
'She is singing the song wrong!'

AAAA... its never ending. But the sweet ones make you touch your chest and sigh!
Ziva - ' You are a boy no ... I am a girl no!'
(The saying 'no' after each sentence ... is a recent addition to our syntax)
Isaac looks out of the window bored.

Ziva- ' You like boys no ... I like girls no!'

Mommy is pissed. Isaac still looks bored

Me - ' Why Ziva you dont like boys?'
Her all time favorite cousin is Mark and so I am confident she likes boys!

Ziva - 'Yes' (Suddenly looking confused)
Me - 'Which boy do you like the best?'

Silence from Ziva

Me - 'Isaac which girl do you like the best?'
I was confident that he would name some random girl in the park.

Isaac - 'Ziva'
Achoooo da! If I did not have to have two hands on the steering wheel and legs on the pedals, I would have turned around and hugged him!

I am sure he will rub off on my little girl too!