Creating Memories #kids #childhood

I cannot remember which movie it is! But there was this dialogue about creating memories for our kids. Most of us think that memories are captured in photographs and so we take a million photos. And I think that is a fantastic way to capture memories. But do we think about creating memories. Some of us have a strange gift of keeping to 'memory' mainly the tragic stuff that has happened to us.
I have a huge pandora's box of bad 'memories'.
Some of us think that we need to go places or see things to create memories. But having traveled a bit and seen some of Gods wonderful creation, I am one for things that happened and people that were with me. That is what stays in my memory.
This afternoon, I had two friends come over and as we sat reminiscing about some old memories, I realized that some of them didn't just happen. We created them. There were trips we had planned or gatherings together, that had created some fun times. Memories.

After my friends left, and I sat on the couch to get to work, my eyes caught a few pictures I had taken this past weekend. Sunday has been a long day. We usually had long days on Sunday. But yesterday had started at 5 am and ended for us at 9 pm. By us I mean the kids too. While the afternoon to evening had been particularly boring for the kids, the morning had begun fantastically.

 

I had set up my alarm to 4 am and because I had not slept till midnight the previous two nights I turned off the alarm at 4 and slept till 5 am. At 5 am on Sunday morning we jumped off the bed. Woke the kids up and in 20 minutes got ready and were driving off to Forum Value mall in Whitefield. It was a 5 k run and for the first time we had taken the kids to a registered, organized run. The Purple run - Cause was Alzheimer's awareness.

Suresh and I have run several times over the past 1.5 years. Every time we ran and came home the kids would ask us if it had been fun and from their perspective we were having lots of fun. Finally Ziva started asking when she could come with us. When we saw the invitation for all ages at the Purple Run we registered as a family. For the first time! We reached Forum at 5:35 and pinned on our bibs just in time to click a selfie and start running. Suresh ran with Isaac. Ziva and I paced together. About midway through the run Ziva was in tears and said .. 'Amma next time I want to run only 1K'. We gently kept pushing them towards theirs final destination. Walking, sprinting, jogging and stopping, we reached the goal. As we crossed the finish line a gentleman came closer to look at the bib of the kids. 5K was written in purple. Wow! Good job, he said as he patted Isaac on the head. The exhaustion escaped and Isaac was shy because of the compliment.

We do not know how they will remember this run! But we did seize the opportunity to create a 'good' memory for Isaac and Ziva. Happy dance. :)

Mounika and Josh joining was a sure encouragement. About a kilometer away from the destination Mounika asked me softly if we were pushing them. I said 'maybe' and kept going :). What Mounika had not seen was that before she joined Ziva and me, Ziva had been whining. But the minute she saw Mounika join, she had a happy smile all the rest of the way.

As we came really close the end of the run and people were cheering us to complete it,  Ziva comments ' I hope I get a gold medal ' :) :)

Touching a chord we have lost! #empathy

I dont like everyday to be the same. I want school to be a tad bit different each day. I like routine but I do want to make a difference in my kids lives.

One morning as I was searching for something on Youtube I came across this video

I got very emotional. Every time I watch a video like this, I feel- What am I doing! There is so much more I can do. I should be volunteering and working for the poor or doing some social service or raising funds or reading to the blind or something more dramatic!
But where is the time - with two. I am barely able to finish reading to these two. Forget reading to the world.
I showed the video to Isaac and Ziva expecting the same reaction. But they just watched and it seemed like there was not much reaction and I began to feel ' Am I creating a robot?'  Far worse 'Am I creating a child with no emotional quotient?'

In this world that focuses so much on the IQ of a people, very little importance is given to the emotional quotient. I copy below from wikipedia
Emotional intelligence (EI) is the capability of individuals to recognize their own, and other people's emotions, to discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior, and to manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt environments or achieve one's goal(s)


While emotions range a vast variety of feelings, empathy is something that may not be high on the list. We would love to discern when someone is angry and stay away from the person or when someone is happy and be part of the fun. But are we able to discern when someone needs empathy.
We love sympathy. We love giving it and we love getting it. As my husband frequently quotes 'Pity party'
But are we willing to put ourselves in the shoe of someone and feel how they are feeling. Are we teaching our children the meaning of the word 'empathy'. Are we more interested in teaching them to survive a over competitive world? Are we teaching them to stop and wait when someone is hurting or needs help, or just go by because time is so important?
As part of our homeschooling curriculum, we are reading missionary stories. As we read aloud to the kids, both me and DH find ourselves frequently crying. One particular story, I was barely get on with the words, Ziva asked me ' Amma why are you sad?'
'I don't know why Ziva' I had to reply. It wasn't that I knew anybody in the story. It wasn't that they were family or some dear/near one was involved. This was just some random person in some random place far far away.
And yet I could not keep myself from being in their shoes and weeping. Ziva who did not totally understand, just decided to to come very close and hug me.

We have been recently enjoying the song 'Zombie' by Cranberries and these words struck me as part of the lyrics
----------------------------------
But you see it's not me
It's not my family
In your head, in your
Head they are fighting
----------------------
Will you cry if its not your family?
Will it effect you if you don't know anyone who is blind?
Will it matter if you have not watched someone suffer of a dreaded illness
Will it?

The move! #kidsmoving

We recently had some close friends move out of Bangalore. It was a strange mix of emotions! Laughing about old fun times and getting mopey at the thought of not seeing them often.

Suresh and I have moved several times. In fact during the first seven year of our marriage we moved

2003 January 300 E Franklin #805
2004 May 300 E Franklin #1401
2005 October 1503 Irby Drive
2007 July Lodges at Seven Oaks
2008 January 2601 Barred Owl way
2009 January 1027 S Hanover Street
2010 January 1409 Pangbourne Way
2011 November MIMS Ardendale Bangalore

You could say that we had gotten pretty good at moving and settling and packing and moving in the first seven years. It was easy to move when it was just Suresh and me. Though we had plenty of furniture. It seemed like there was nothing in particular keeping us clinging to one spot.
The last move however took a heavy toll on us. It was a big move. It also was accompanied with a significant life change. Arrival of baby #2 'Ziva'. As we made the decision to move and as we ironed out the fine details of the movers and dates and other logistics, we had forgotten one small element. We forgot to prepare our 1.5 year old. It may seem silly! You may even think that 'What can a 1.5 year old understand?'. The move to Bangalore took a heavy toll on Isaac.

This was my happy and sweet boy a few weeks before we left. The first couple months in Bangalore was a nightmare. Not too clingy a boy, he suddenly had deep separation anxiety. He would cry every morning as Appa took off to work. This made the first half of my day miserable. I tried to keep pushing through it with the hope that dad would come home soon and rescue me.
At about two weeks past birth, Isaac smiled a big broad knowing smile. A friend, who was also a pediatrician, commented - 'You guys must have smiled a lot during the pregnancy'. 2 years and one big move later and Isaac spent a lot of time crying. Whining to be precise. There was a lot of tears all the time.
Nap times were easy till 1.5 year for Isaac. I could never remember him waking up crying. In fact our favorite memory of Isaac waking up was a quiet sound we heard whispering over the baby monitor. Several times we peeked through the door and he would be lying quietly talking to his fingers or staring at the wall as if it was a piece of Picasso. Come Bangalore and I could not leave him alone at nap time. The minute I rolled out of bed he followed me. It seemed a different person.
Now five years later, I am thankful the phase is over. But a small part of me knows that moving and change is an inevitable part of life. What will I do differently this time?


Moving with someone who cannot express how their are feeling is tough business. Moving with someone who now can express a lot but doesn't understand their own emotions is far greater a turmoil and while I pray it will not happen ... Tomorrow is another day

Once I mentioned the fact that we had moved so many times, it seemed ridiculous and my brother in law mentioned that we were after all Isaac's parents and like the biblical story of Isaac's parents, Abraham and Sarah, maybe we were destined to be nomads.
How did Abraham do it? Keep moving! How did the Israelites do it? Keep walking. No stability and nothing the same.

This being said, the community of MIMS Ardendale has been the place we have stayed in the longest. (we did move between two houses less then a few meters from each other). And I am thankful for this stability. However a few months ago, in the midst of some trials I impulsively told Suresh - Lets move! For me - move is an escape route. The EJECT button. But maybe it time for me to make my peace with here and now - for the sake of Isaac and Ziva!

It takes a village to raise a child #Proverb

There is the famous African proverb - 'It takes a village to raise a child.'

Now I never really understood this one! Well till I had kids of my own.
And even then I always thought of this as something to do with 'taking care of' and 'discipline'. I thought it meant being there for someone else when they were not in the same room for their kids. I even wondered why did I need an entire village, I mean just grandpa, grandma and uncles and aunts would be enough.  How could the 'village' help me raise my child?
But I recently got a completely different perspective of this 'Proverb'.


I thought - big misconception - I could somehow provide for all the needs of my child. If I was not good at something, I could take my child somewhere to learn it. The key word being - 'I'. And so along comes Isaac and Ziva, two different personalities with completely unique interests.

As I watched the rapidly growing Isaac, I realized his immense love for animals. Now I am not a great animal lover. I am all for animal kindness and no cruelty etc. But Isaac is in love with all animals. I mean he dreams of being a Zoo keeper or a Forest Ranger when he grows up. He spent a lot of time these past couple of months with one of his school books that dig deep into the animals from different parts of the world! I would find him often just dwelling on a few pages here and there.

I could deal with this interest. I mean all I had to do was read the book. And we did. It is how we began each day. 'Usborne - World of Animals'! First thing in the morning. It was how I got him to do other school work. Bribe - I will read Usborne - WOA if you finish Math, Kannada, writing.

And then Isaac shifted gears.
Isaac : 'Amma can you draw a giraffe for me.'
Amma: Silence - 'No. Appa can'
And so evening after evening Appa was dragged into drawing an animal and Isaac would color it. For some reason Isaac barely attempted to draw on his own. Probably because Appa's rhino's and hippos were way too artistic.

Then two weeks ago - one Friday Bandh - we had a a few visitors. One was the talented and patient 'Karan Uncle'
I am not sure how they sat down together because Isaac rarely warms up to any folk outside of the family. Maybe it had something to do with some drawing. Finally 'Karan uncle' spent most of his Friday/Saturday drawing Zebras and Hippos.

I dont know what clicked after that - but Isaac kept trying to draw the animals on his own. I even caught him following Karan uncle at lunch, post Sunday service. I really have never seen him follow anyone other than me - Yes I was an incy bit jealous. :)
I try to reason why Isaac didn't get inspired by Suresh's drawing and I came up with theory. Appa and Amma could do everything so he didn't attempt imitating.  But Karan uncle was more of a buddy and if Karan uncle could draw - maybe he should try too.

My son had found inspiration in the 'village'! 

Currently there is constant drawing and redrawing of animals. Practice ! Practice! Practice!


A few weeks ago, at the church retreat, the children were dancing to a song they had learned. As the kids kept going, there was a sudden roar of cheer from the youth! You could see all the children get really encouraged. As parents one of our primary role is to encourage our kids and we can see them grow into balanced individuals. But when the  'VILLAGE' encourages a child - we get a benevolent society!

Buying my First car!

I could say, I was born with a silver spoon. But it seemed that sometime around the age of 22, I spat out the spoon and decided to try my foot with the regular steel spoon in the real world.

One interesting journey I had was the buying of a car.
As someone born with a silver spoon, you would think I had a car or a bike or some mode of transportation of my own in Amchi Mumbai. Oh No! Amchi Mumbai is famous for its excellent public transportation and phenomenal connectivity. I also had a dad who had not grown with a silver spoon and at least to some extent chose not to spoil his two daughters with his riches. And so when we were taken out of the school bus system, which was around 11 years of age for me, we had to travel by the Bus no # 214 of the famous Bombay Muncipal Corportation.

I remember during the Bandra fair, which happened close to our place, the #214 never came close to our house and so after a long day at school we would have to walk the last 1 km! Of course we didn't dare complain as both dad and mom would pop out the story on how they had to walk all the way and sometimes had to walk 2-3 hrs to get to school. Now that I think of it, I don't think their bags were heavy - but I still dare not argue.

When we started going to college which was further away from home, it was bus -rail - walk.
Even after I learned to drive at 18, I was rarely given the car. I was allowed to drive only if dad or mom were in the car. I remember once, nervously, asking dad for the car to go for tuition. But that was the max I would dare. There was no way that I could even think about asking for the car to go for a movie with friends or even to a friends house. All those 'extra-curricular' activities had to be done on bus-rail-walk mode.

When I landed in the US, a car was the least of my interest as I struggled with the cold weather and poor academic understanding. But right after the end of our first term, a friend of ours offered to sell his car as he was buying another one. Suresh and I were friends at this point and decided we had just about enough money to buy a car and we would pool in the cost of the car, fuel and insurance. It seemed like a good deal till we crashed the car - A whole another blog on the crash - COMING SOON.


Once we had got our confidence back and I had made a few extra bucks at the summer job volunteering at the Greek festival, we got back into the task of car hunting again. Our budget was ~$2000. That was it! And that was all we could afford. We spent days looking for a car. Something that actually worked! It was hard but we finally found this perfectly cute Red Honda Civic! Cost $2000.

Perfect it fitted in out budget. The man who was selling it to us, was a good talker. And we were newbies! He told us the car was perfect and that he would take us to a mechanic.
Never for a moment did we think anyone would cheat us! I mean why would they cheat us! We were nice people! So they had got to be nice people! NAIVE!
The car seller did all the ground work for us. He took us to a mechanic who he knew! ALERT! ALERT! Then once this ' good' mechanic approved the car, he took us to the DMV and got all the paper transferred to our name, took the cheque for $2000 and that was it!
We probably drove the car about 10 miles, maybe less than it  and it stopped. Our very first day on our wonderful car, bought with our hard earned money and we were pushing it to a parking spot just so we would not get a parking ticket!
We drove around the car for about 4-6 months. If you dont believe that an inanimate object can harass you, try buying a car that does not work too well! The car harassed us each and every day! It stopped at random places. It refused to start in the middle of the interstate. It cost us a lot of money in repairs.

Finally we sold it off for about $200 - just happy to get rid of it. The 'nice' mechanic who bought it also made a ton of money off us in repairs before he 'advised' us to sell the car.
The scar of this car buying was very deep. So deep that for the next 3 years we did not look at another car. Even when we had a little savings in the bank, we chose to stick with using public transportation and doing groceries on the cycle and carrying them in a haversack back home.

Finally in 2004, after I had returned from an internship and Suresh had a part time internship still going, we ventured into car buying again!
Just as we finished paying for the car in installments, we happened to take a course on Financial Peace by Dave Ramsey.
http://www.daveramsey.com/blog/how-teens-can-buy-their-own-cars/
This was about the time I was almost 9 months pregnant! I think Isaac and Ziva will have Dave Ramsey and our own personal experience with car buying to thank when they get their license and are refused their own vehicle.

For those of you who had your parents buy you your first vehicle, be thankful! For those parents contemplating on buying your kids a vehicle! STOP - It wont kill them to ride public transport! They may even learn a few lessons on money management.

Marriage, miracles, mistakes and many returns!

16 years since we met ... 13.5 years being married..

Yet everyday we figure out something new about each other. That's what keeps a marriage going. I am glad for this union of ours (and I hope Suresh is glad too.)

Do we fight? Yes of course! Are there days I want to strangle Suresh? Yes there are!  And I bet there are days when he would like to give me a slap and say 'grow up'.
But we are still together. No its not because we are madly in love with it each other. Well there are days we think we will go mad. That, however, has more to do with the byproducts of this Union than either of us.

Whats keeps us together? What keeps a couple together?
We had a wonderful couples meeting in the summer 0f 2010 at our annual Church retreat in  Summit Grove, Pennsylvania. Led by Bill and Claudia Teubl, we got great advice and confirmation on some ways of life.

Here is my little tit-bit for those who want to take it.
Have a common goals -
Before we even got together or decided we wanted to get married - we had discussed some of our life's goals or desires. Somehow neither of us talked about what we wanted our career path to be or how much money we wanted to make. The only thing that seemed to come out strong was 'We wanted to move back to India at some point of time'. Sitting on my couch in pleasant and cool Bangalore, I am glad of that conversation. Talking about going back 'home' sometime. I put in a bid - 'No Chennai' and Suresh topped it off with a 'No Mumbai' - God's plan could not be more perfect than to put us here in Bangalore!

Sane Finances:
Try not to get into debt. If you are in debt, get out of it as soon as possible. You don't have to have a ton of money in your savings account. But you will have a lot of peace knowing that you don't owe anybody anything!
The Teubl's took it a notch higher for us and said - no house loans - no car loans. They didn't mean that you need to have a down payment for the entire sum your house would have. Just make it a goal to pay off the house as soon as possible. We had the pleasure of spending some time with Becky Teubl the third child of the Teubl's. She mentioned how her mother had divided a picture of the house into neat bricks each representing the payment for a month for the house. Coloring out a brick a month indicated they owned that portion when they paid the mortgage. A lovely way to involve children in finances. Becky said that one month the children brought money together and gave it to their dad to pay the months mortgage and had the pleasure of being 'involved' in the coloring.
Dave Ramsey 'finance Guru' says that finances is a big reason couples split -- so stay out of debt.

Witnessing those miracles and trials together.
Life will throw all kinds of stuff at you. Big rocks, small stones. They all hurt - but stick together - because when those miracles happen, its no fun sitting alone and enjoying it. Its means much more when there is someone joining in the happiness.
Isaac and Ziva are our miracles and trials all in one bundle. We have enjoyed every minute of them. I can think of no other man who would sit by me day after day as I cried for a child. I can think of no other man to give me those IVF shots and  I can think of no other man who would wake up in the middle of the night to put a new born to sleep.
Losing parents has also been something that kept us together. When folks ask us why we moved back to India - my first reason is losing 3 parents in 3 years was not easy and we needed family around to overcome the grief.

Plenty of difference in opinions:
Are we different? As different as North and South pole. Isn't that what they say - poles apart! But even at these two poles the climate is kind of chilly and icy and the same. So poles apart and yet so much in common. That's what keeps things interesting.

A little screaming and yelling
We were not big fighters. Then we attended a marriage seminar by George and Pooja Cherian, where they  spoke about 'How to fight good!'. It brought out a lot of hidden resentment. I used to pride myself on fighting about silly stuff and keeping the big stuff within. But now I like that we fight good and sort our differences and anxieties! It builds the relationship on stronger ground!


Union in thinking
We have a lot of common ideas about parenting and finance. I like that when I think of something and make an eye connection with hubby dear across the room, I know he is thinking the same. You can say the same strings hit a rhythm within us! How did we get there? Talking lots and lots of talking.

Last and the most important the big guys upstairs!
I would be insane not to mention the big Guy upstairs who brought us together and has kept us so far.
If it was not for our faith in Jesus and constantly keeping Him in the center of our relationship ... things would have surely been a mess

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZEURntrQOg


Union of Suresh Emmanuel Joel and Rohini George:  13.5 years

30 December 2002 -- to Present

By products : Isaac George Joel
                      Ziva Esther Joel

And knowing I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life : 14 years on January 27 2001

Running the 10 K … Running for a cause! #GirlsGlory

Life gets hectic with kids. In the past 6 years, I have realized that my life completely revolves around them. It’s all about their schedules, their interests, their nap times, their classes. Somewhere in the middle of ‘them’, I got lost!

Even when I went out to pursue hobbies, I found myself constantly thinking of the kiddos. If it was stitching class, I kept thinking about the dresses I could stitch for little ‘Z’ or the Kurta for  ‘I’ . If  it was a baking course, I would think about how much fun it would be to watch the kids gobble up the treats I made for them. It was all about them!

And then this came my way. A 10 K! I have run a 5K before, but that was hard in fact it took me 40 minutes to finish the 5 K. This was twice the distance and that too it is in May! Sweltering heat in Bangalore.

I registered because one of my young friends said, she would run only if I ran too. I just wanted more people to run for this cause. So I agreed. But in my head I thought, she is young, she can train and she will be fine. I wonder if my bones will keep up with this race. The good thing was we started planning 2 months in advance. Plenty of time to train! I managed to convince 11 other folks including hubby dear to register too! Well hubby dear does not need much convincing. He is fit!

And then I began training. I have 4 weeks more to go before the big day (MAY 15) and I now realize that its not about the race. It’s about what leads to the race! 

1.      Competition: I am competing against …. Well MYSELF. I am not aiming at being better than anyone else. I am just aiming at being better than I was yesterday. I was surprised at how much I can push myself each day. Each day I look at how much I ran the previous day and I push myself to be … faster … run longer.  I never thought I could go beyond 5 K and yesterday I pushed myself to 9 K. I will be staying at 9 K for a while now. 

(picture of my personal best with Google fit)

2.      

          Perseverance: There are many days when I wake and say. Oh what the heck lets take a break today. That’s when I remember how hard it was to start the very first day. I know a break will bring out the slacker in me and so I drag myself out, put on my running shoes and get out of the house.

3.   

         Weight loss: Well not really. Weight loss is like a bonus to all this! But definitely looking forward to increasing my stamina. The first week that I ran, I came home and slept again! You can say I have the luxury to sleep. But by the third week, I could feel my stamina pick up. I could feel the energy rushing in as I completed my walk each day. It seems like I am on a high. An exercising HIGH.

4.

          Raising fund: This has become a big deal for me. The reason is there were a few of my cousins and aunts who supported me immediately! As soon as I sent the link for support to my cousins, this one cousin pushed over money. It gave me so much encouragement that he trusted my judgement to support my cause and he had faith that I could run this race! Thanks Eldho Kuruvilla! Your faith in me pushed me ahead. I find myself now shamelessly asking people to support my cause. I know I am running a good race. I know the money I raise will be put to very good use.

5.    

          Life lessons:  I cannot live LIFE like someone else. I cannot be like someone else.  But I can try and better myself. Whether it is my walk with God, my work, my family, there is only one person (and God) who knows how I did yesterday. ME! I want to do it a little better today... It definitely takes discipline!!!

Now coming to the cause. What am I raising money for? I had a choice to support either an orphanage or a project called Girls Glory! Both were part of an NGO called Reaching Hands.

Girls Glory essentially supports girl’s education by building toilets. In case you are saying ‘Whaaaatt’, here is the way it works. 

Several government schools do not have proper toilet facilities. When girls reach puberty, this lack of facility and privacy is used as a reason to keep girls from going to school. Since every month they will miss school for 5-7 days, they are pulled out of school completely. Girls Glory will adopt government school and build toilets for them. They will educate girls on hygiene and caring for themselves.

When I heard this it made me think of me! I remember those initial years, right after puberty. Life felt miserable. Everything was tough. I remember not wanting to go to school. I cannot even imagine what would have been the state if there were no toilets. Then I looked at my little Ziva and I imagined a situation where she would not have these basic facilities and I knew at once, I wanted to support this cause!

http://icfn.in/tcsworld10k/fundraiser/rohinisupportsreachinghand/

Running for a cause … a cause to put a pause to this world where girls don’t get privacy.

Running to give girls a chance…a chance to have a hygienic protected environment.

Running to change…change the way we train girls to look at themselves.

Running to empower GIRLS!

Running to help them realize that they are created with an ability to reproduce!

Running to help GIRLS realize that life begins with this adolescent age!

Running to help GIRLS feel the blessed that they are GIRLS

If you feel led – please support my cause. Every rupee counts!

Disney's Zootopia! Bring on the strong women

Disney movies are phenomenal. There was a time I got annoyed with the Cinderella , Snow White and Sleeping beauty kind of movies. There is always a damsel in distress and while I do want my daughter to know about these fairy tales, and I do want her to watch it for the phenomenal animation and great music, I do not want her to believe she needs a Prince Charming. A regular guy could make her life perfect too.
And then Disney started to change with the times. I love Tangled. Rapunzel is just so classy. I love Frozen for how it shows the relationship between sisters and how the ‘regular’ guy could actually be your true love and the charming idiot was actually the bad guy. I love Mulan that showed how daughters too can be brave and strive for their parents. I love Pocahantas for the brave princess that will do anything for peace. I love Nala in Lion King and I love princess Jasmine for being so darn firm in Aladin.
We watched ‘Zootopia’ on Monday evening and I am so thankful to Disney for yet another fantastic hero!
Officer Judy Hopps! Yes a female lead. A strong one that does not need a Prince Charming.  Being a mother of a little girl I am looking towards raising her to being able to follow her dreams. The sky is the limit. While I do want her to have long flowing hair like Rapunzel (and my little Z has never cut her hair since birth) I also want her to have a classic sense of humor and a touch of craziness.
Here are the reasons moms with little girls should watch Zootopia
1.       It starts with how we as parents put our fears on our children. We want them to be safe and careful and so we try our best to restrict them. We believe we are giving them ‘other’ options, but sometimes we are killing their dreams
2.       Little girls need to be trained to be brave! Going with the TED talk presentation of teach girls bravery and not perfection, Zootopia takes the cake.
3.       Little girls need to be taught that’s it’s OK to fail, but it is not OK to quit. Officier Judy Hopps kicks the butt of her peers in police academy to become valedictorian!
4.       Little girls need to be taught to make friends with people more than those just like them! Officer Hopps teams with a FOX! Yes a bunny and fox. We live in a world where we train girls to hang out with girls. We iron that condition out by making sure the rich play with the rich and the cool kids don’t mix with the uncool ones!
5.       Little girls need to be taught to persevere. Even in the male dominated Police force, Officer Hopps keeps going taking up the craziest challenges.
6.       Little girls need to be taught dignity of labor. We often tell our kids that certain jobs are too undignified for them. We do it in the name of career guidance. I once had a friend who was a physical trainer and got a lot of grief from her in-laws for her profession. She was constantly compared to her husband who was an engineer. She one day snapped back ‘I make more money than him’! In Zootopia, Officer Hopps has her first post as a meter maid. She does not reject it! She takes up the job as a challenge and is determined to do far more than is expected from her as a meter maid.
7.       Little girls need to be taught to be a little sly and use their brains! Officer Hopps has this classy little carrot pen and she uses it well. ‘It’s called a Hustle, sweetheart’

All in all Zootopia was a lot of fun! Disney has outdone itself again and I just cannot wait for more.

Classic Conversation - Ziva's world

It has been ages since I have written something. Its not that I dont have anything to write. But there just does not seem to be enough time in the day to school, work, bake, stitch and then write.

This morning I decided to start school in a fun way. Painting! It's always a hit in the Joel household. Paper and colors and lots of glitter and brushes. But soon the two munchkins were all over the basement pulling out toys.
Me  - I was dragging my feet. I have been having this very bad dry cough since about a week. It seemed a great time to just lay around and so I rolled over to the carpet where  Z and I were playing and flopped on my back
Me: I am not feeling well. Z can you check what is wrong with me?
Z comes over and places her hand over my chest for a few seconds. Then with a very grave face she turns to me.
Z: Amma you have a broken heart and a dry cough!!

LOL. It was just too funny. And of course Z was very happy to heal mommy's broken heart with her comical conversations!

Big people dont have homework!

I sat between them as we tried to get math and phonics done. Now usually I keep my phone next to me. But on this day I pulled my Bible and a note book and decided to start writing. Just like they were writing!
Ziva watched me for a few seconds

Isaac looked up occasionally from his math book. Finally
Isaac: Amma why are you writing from that book
Me: Because I have homework
Ziva: Big people dont have homework
I laughed out loud!
Me: Oh Yes! They do!

We have recently been doing an accountable bible study with our church. One study was a book of Acts in so much detail, it was nauseating.
The second study was writing the words of Jesus from the bible. I was writing about the wise and foolish builders ... I got a chance to tell Isaac and Ziva the story. I ended by telling them
ME: Isaac and ziva will not fall if you stand on 'the rock' ... Jesus
Ziva waits for a few seconds and then starts to cry...
Ziva: 'But I am scared I will fall!'

 I wish I could say ... But I will catch you. But truly I know that there  is only one person who can catch her when she falls. Hope she finds HIM :)

The feminist - A few days without my man!

It happens every year at the same time. I guess the conference happens in June every year for which my DH has to leave us and travel for two weeks. And guess what else happens in June! Father's day! For the third year now, we have missed having Dad here for Father's Day. This means since Ziva was born, she has not celebrated fathers days with her father :(

As I grew up, I was trained constantly to be independent. I grew up believing I could do anything a boy could do. This I guess was the training for being a feminist. I believed in equality. I believed boys SHOULD do things which girls did, such as wash dishes and pick up after themselves and girls COULD do things that boys did such, as drive cars and get about alone. Luckily I met a man who treated me as an equal. We shared all chores from day one of our marriage. We did our own laundry and folded our own clothes. In fact DH did a much better job  of folding and ironing his clothes than me. We alternated days for cooking i.e. he cooked one day and me the next. We shared washing vessels and also cleaning up the house. We shared the bills, splitting it equally. In fact for the first 5 years of our marriage we even had separate bank accounts. It was only when we moved to a new city that we started an account together.

In the time before the kids, DH travelled a lot. He travelled mainly on work related conferences. I also realized that he loved travelling. I did not like travelling and I did not mind being alone at home. It gave me time to catch up with my books and watch 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S' endless number of times. I was independent and fearless. I could look after myself. FEMINIST?

But now here we are some 6 years later and 13 years of being married and you would think that the independence would have grown. But not in our case! After this long walk of 13 years together, DH travels less and I get heavily nervous each time he has to leave us even for a couple days. The key word in the sentence is 'US'

I still pay the bills, do the dishes, drive myself wherever needed, get work done around the house. But life during this time is not the same.
For me now my life revolves around my man! And the big reason for the change in my independence to dependence is 'Isaac and Ziva'.

For the umpteenth time since DAD has left for his work-travel Ziva has asked. 'Is Appa coming back now?' . I tried showing them the calendar and counting the days till Appa returned. But a few hours later 5 year old Isaac came, his eyes filled to the brim with big tears, 'I want Appa not to go to the US again!' Why? He could not get his legos to work and only DAD knows to help him!!! Yes some independence. I do not know how to put together a simple Legos set (Well its not simple - its this complicated fire truck set). What use was the electricity and phone bill paid when I could not keep the tears from rolling down my little boy's eyes?

This past Saturday we attended Children's Church. Usually Ziva loves dancing and singing songs with her friends. But this Saturday she was ultra whiny and annoying. While I was trying to calm her down, my friend's 15 year old daughter came to me and said ' Suresh Uncle's left? That's why Ziva's crying. She misses her daddy. I cry when my Daddy goes too' and she giggled making Ziva nod her head in agreement! Wisdom from a 15-year old!! What use was driving to places when I could not comfort my little one the way my DH does!

A few days without my man is a roller coaster ride. All emotions are flying high and tears are at the brim of the eyes.
Some FEMINIST huh!

Two bags and a BABY - travelling with the kids

I do not like travel. I am terrified of it you could say! Even before I had kids I did not enjoy the flight motion or the fact that I needed to stay away from 'my' comfortable bed. Leaving the home meant leaving a routine and I am a big routine person. Once the kids arrived I started stressing even more.
Our first big travel after Z arrived was a long journey to India. I still remember holding a two month old in a Baby Bjorn and trying to push the stroller which help my 22 month old Isaac. It has gotten better since then and I have learned a lot of lessons on how to prepare the kids for travel day. Here is my 'vishesh tippany' (Special Advise). I hope other mommies find it useful
Prep them up: They are never too small to understand anything. From as little as 3 months you can talk or read to your little one. There are so many books on trains, planes and boats. Show these to your child. Make an origami paper plane. Make airplane and train sounds to get them excited. When they are older you can probably speak with them on how much time it takes to get there or what to do when your ear starts hurting. I remember Z and I on a trip to Bombay opening and closing their mouth like little fishes.
Travel light: As light as you can possibly do. DH very often says 'Take you passport and your wallet - you can buy everything else'. Well when we were sans kids this seemed to be fair advice. But with kids   the are definitely a few essentials. Most flight food is bland and so you may be able to survive with it. But if you have a baby you definitely to carry the mashed up stuff. And then there are few essentials like the extra pair of clothes or two and the diapers and the wipes. While most of these may be available at the airport it is good to pack these in a diaper bag.
Snack ideas: Don't go for the oily stuff. Carry fruits that the kids can snack on or raisins or dry cereal that they like eating. On one flight from Bangalore to Mumbai , I and Z got excited about the food being given in the plane and started eating all kinds of stuff : rice, bread with butter, juice etc. It was a bumpy landing and at the terminal we were holding a  newspaper full of throw-up. Z had brought up everything she had eaten. That's another thing, accidents happen!  I learned my lesson and now I ask for a barf bag as soon as I get on a flight. Carry plastic bags for train or car trips in case the kids get sick.
Carry on luggage: While traveling with kids make sure you have kid friendly carry-on luggage. You need both your hands and more to help them out. So the ideal carry on luggage is haversack on your shoulders.
Travel timing: Whenever we drive, we try to plan it around sleep time. DH and I are morning people so we make sure we leave at 4 in the morning. This give us a good 3 hours of time before the kids wake up. It is peaceful driving! I choose flight timings too based on whether there is a chance they will take a nap on the flight.

Bassinet/Seat: Most international flight have the option of a bassinet. This was so useful when traveling with a 2 month old Z who slept most of the time. I did not need to hold her. I could just put her in the bassinet. Some international flights let you take car seats and my kids are great at sleeping in the car seat. But this is only useful if you need the car seat on the other end of the trip i.e. like traveling to the US.
Security Check: This is the most annoying part of flight travel even when you travel alone. You have to remove laptop and other things before going through the security. If you have two kids running around crazy it becomes so much harder. The key again here is to travel light. Take only essentials. Declare out stuff like water for the kids or food that you need to carry for them. Most Security Checks go smoother when you have told them everything you have in your bag. I usually go there and remove everything on the small trays they provide.
Entertainment: Whether it is the railway station or the airport there is plenty to entertain the kids. Keep them occupied. At railway stations we usually walk up and down looking at engines and other fun stuff. Some airports have children's play area. On our travel to Singapore we discovered this play area and it entertained the kids for 45 minutes as we waited to board our flight. On flight we usually have some videos stocked on a fully charged laptop and this definitely helps keep them calm. One thing Isaac loves doing is walking around the flight. If its a relatively big flight, this may not be such a bad idea. A few trips around the cabin and maybe the little one will tire themselves to fall asleep. Car trips are usually passed by lots of books to ready, good music and maybe in desperate situations a tablet with some kiddie games on it.

The best way though to get I and Z excited about travel is to talk to them about who they are going to meet at the other end of the travel or what all they may see at the end of the travel. It makes the travel and adventure full of excitement.