It takes a village to raise a child #Proverb

There is the famous African proverb - 'It takes a village to raise a child.'

Now I never really understood this one! Well till I had kids of my own.
And even then I always thought of this as something to do with 'taking care of' and 'discipline'. I thought it meant being there for someone else when they were not in the same room for their kids. I even wondered why did I need an entire village, I mean just grandpa, grandma and uncles and aunts would be enough.  How could the 'village' help me raise my child?
But I recently got a completely different perspective of this 'Proverb'.


I thought - big misconception - I could somehow provide for all the needs of my child. If I was not good at something, I could take my child somewhere to learn it. The key word being - 'I'. And so along comes Isaac and Ziva, two different personalities with completely unique interests.

As I watched the rapidly growing Isaac, I realized his immense love for animals. Now I am not a great animal lover. I am all for animal kindness and no cruelty etc. But Isaac is in love with all animals. I mean he dreams of being a Zoo keeper or a Forest Ranger when he grows up. He spent a lot of time these past couple of months with one of his school books that dig deep into the animals from different parts of the world! I would find him often just dwelling on a few pages here and there.

I could deal with this interest. I mean all I had to do was read the book. And we did. It is how we began each day. 'Usborne - World of Animals'! First thing in the morning. It was how I got him to do other school work. Bribe - I will read Usborne - WOA if you finish Math, Kannada, writing.

And then Isaac shifted gears.
Isaac : 'Amma can you draw a giraffe for me.'
Amma: Silence - 'No. Appa can'
And so evening after evening Appa was dragged into drawing an animal and Isaac would color it. For some reason Isaac barely attempted to draw on his own. Probably because Appa's rhino's and hippos were way too artistic.

Then two weeks ago - one Friday Bandh - we had a a few visitors. One was the talented and patient 'Karan Uncle'
I am not sure how they sat down together because Isaac rarely warms up to any folk outside of the family. Maybe it had something to do with some drawing. Finally 'Karan uncle' spent most of his Friday/Saturday drawing Zebras and Hippos.

I dont know what clicked after that - but Isaac kept trying to draw the animals on his own. I even caught him following Karan uncle at lunch, post Sunday service. I really have never seen him follow anyone other than me - Yes I was an incy bit jealous. :)
I try to reason why Isaac didn't get inspired by Suresh's drawing and I came up with theory. Appa and Amma could do everything so he didn't attempt imitating.  But Karan uncle was more of a buddy and if Karan uncle could draw - maybe he should try too.

My son had found inspiration in the 'village'! 

Currently there is constant drawing and redrawing of animals. Practice ! Practice! Practice!


A few weeks ago, at the church retreat, the children were dancing to a song they had learned. As the kids kept going, there was a sudden roar of cheer from the youth! You could see all the children get really encouraged. As parents one of our primary role is to encourage our kids and we can see them grow into balanced individuals. But when the  'VILLAGE' encourages a child - we get a benevolent society!

Running the 10 K … Running for a cause! #GirlsGlory

Life gets hectic with kids. In the past 6 years, I have realized that my life completely revolves around them. It’s all about their schedules, their interests, their nap times, their classes. Somewhere in the middle of ‘them’, I got lost!

Even when I went out to pursue hobbies, I found myself constantly thinking of the kiddos. If it was stitching class, I kept thinking about the dresses I could stitch for little ‘Z’ or the Kurta for  ‘I’ . If  it was a baking course, I would think about how much fun it would be to watch the kids gobble up the treats I made for them. It was all about them!

And then this came my way. A 10 K! I have run a 5K before, but that was hard in fact it took me 40 minutes to finish the 5 K. This was twice the distance and that too it is in May! Sweltering heat in Bangalore.

I registered because one of my young friends said, she would run only if I ran too. I just wanted more people to run for this cause. So I agreed. But in my head I thought, she is young, she can train and she will be fine. I wonder if my bones will keep up with this race. The good thing was we started planning 2 months in advance. Plenty of time to train! I managed to convince 11 other folks including hubby dear to register too! Well hubby dear does not need much convincing. He is fit!

And then I began training. I have 4 weeks more to go before the big day (MAY 15) and I now realize that its not about the race. It’s about what leads to the race! 

1.      Competition: I am competing against …. Well MYSELF. I am not aiming at being better than anyone else. I am just aiming at being better than I was yesterday. I was surprised at how much I can push myself each day. Each day I look at how much I ran the previous day and I push myself to be … faster … run longer.  I never thought I could go beyond 5 K and yesterday I pushed myself to 9 K. I will be staying at 9 K for a while now. 

(picture of my personal best with Google fit)

2.      

          Perseverance: There are many days when I wake and say. Oh what the heck lets take a break today. That’s when I remember how hard it was to start the very first day. I know a break will bring out the slacker in me and so I drag myself out, put on my running shoes and get out of the house.

3.   

         Weight loss: Well not really. Weight loss is like a bonus to all this! But definitely looking forward to increasing my stamina. The first week that I ran, I came home and slept again! You can say I have the luxury to sleep. But by the third week, I could feel my stamina pick up. I could feel the energy rushing in as I completed my walk each day. It seems like I am on a high. An exercising HIGH.

4.

          Raising fund: This has become a big deal for me. The reason is there were a few of my cousins and aunts who supported me immediately! As soon as I sent the link for support to my cousins, this one cousin pushed over money. It gave me so much encouragement that he trusted my judgement to support my cause and he had faith that I could run this race! Thanks Eldho Kuruvilla! Your faith in me pushed me ahead. I find myself now shamelessly asking people to support my cause. I know I am running a good race. I know the money I raise will be put to very good use.

5.    

          Life lessons:  I cannot live LIFE like someone else. I cannot be like someone else.  But I can try and better myself. Whether it is my walk with God, my work, my family, there is only one person (and God) who knows how I did yesterday. ME! I want to do it a little better today... It definitely takes discipline!!!

Now coming to the cause. What am I raising money for? I had a choice to support either an orphanage or a project called Girls Glory! Both were part of an NGO called Reaching Hands.

Girls Glory essentially supports girl’s education by building toilets. In case you are saying ‘Whaaaatt’, here is the way it works. 

Several government schools do not have proper toilet facilities. When girls reach puberty, this lack of facility and privacy is used as a reason to keep girls from going to school. Since every month they will miss school for 5-7 days, they are pulled out of school completely. Girls Glory will adopt government school and build toilets for them. They will educate girls on hygiene and caring for themselves.

When I heard this it made me think of me! I remember those initial years, right after puberty. Life felt miserable. Everything was tough. I remember not wanting to go to school. I cannot even imagine what would have been the state if there were no toilets. Then I looked at my little Ziva and I imagined a situation where she would not have these basic facilities and I knew at once, I wanted to support this cause!

http://icfn.in/tcsworld10k/fundraiser/rohinisupportsreachinghand/

Running for a cause … a cause to put a pause to this world where girls don’t get privacy.

Running to give girls a chance…a chance to have a hygienic protected environment.

Running to change…change the way we train girls to look at themselves.

Running to empower GIRLS!

Running to help them realize that they are created with an ability to reproduce!

Running to help GIRLS realize that life begins with this adolescent age!

Running to help GIRLS feel the blessed that they are GIRLS

If you feel led – please support my cause. Every rupee counts!

Anger management 101 – A yelling-free childhood for my kids!

Don’t get me wrong I am not against discipline. I do not believe that kids need to be let lose to do whatever they want, whenever they want and however they want.

I am among those who believe that I am a steward to this tiny life that God has entrusted me and it is my responsibility to raise this life into a responsible, loving, caring and complete person.

So yes I discipline my children, they are told when they do something wrong and corrected. In our house disobedience is especially not tolerated. But discipline has nothing to do with the ‘Y’ word. Yelling is the worst form of any speech I must say! In the recent couple of months I have realized that the pitch of my voice has especially reached very high decibels. I do it in the name of correction and discipline. But I have reached so far beyond the point of discipline that from where I stand and yell, discipline looks like a dot! Yelling is just a form of venting! Unfortunately my kids do not understand ‘venting’! My kids do not deserve ‘venting’! Most days as I think of how I need to protect my kids from the dangerous outside world, I now think of how I need to protect my kids from ME!

 

When I expressed my fear and my frustrations, DH calmly told me to stop yelling. Yes! More easily said than done. DH is a much calmer person than me. He does occasionally yell, but it take a lot to push him to that point. As a result I began to feel more and more like the monster in the house! As I started trying to make changes in our daily routine, I noticed a couple things that made the yelling a lot less.

Distractions: We are a homeschooling family and the first half of our day involves some active learning and sit down time. I am the one who spends the first 4 hours with my kids and guess who comes along with me to class. My phone! I think if I were sending the kids to a school and the teacher in the classroom was checking her emails or messages during class, I would be pissed. The past one week, I decided to set aside my phone for the morning hours. I turned off my WI-FI for most part of the morning. The thing with the phone and the internet bringing the world closer, it also brings my problems right to my fingertips. While I love Whatsapp and Facebook, not all messages and posts are fun and if there is conflicts/ arguments/disagreement via messages, guess who bears the brunt of it! Yes the kids! So now during the morning time I turn of my Wi-Fi on my phone. I leave my phone on vibrate and enjoy my one on one time with the kids. School has become easier and calmer since this has started. But more importantly since I am not distracted, Isaac and Ziva respond quicker to what I am teaching them. Less yelling! The past two - three weeks have been especially good! We finish math quicker and there is even laughter at the study table!

Guilt: In addition to being a homeschooling mom, I am also a WAHM (work at home mom). Some days I am unable to get anything done. What with trying to rush around and get school stuff prepared, the kitchen set for breakfast, lunch and dinner and the house half orderly, I am barely able to put in the required hours per day. This brings about a lot of guilt. As I try to juggle being wife, mom, employee and house manager, I end up doing a terrible job in all my tasks. So now I have started outsourcing. I ask the maid to make breakfast and some days I even ask her to feed the kids. Some days I ask DH to help with math or just read-alouds. I order in groceries and supplies for the month or week so I do not have that additional thing on my mind. As these tasks get completed in the right amount of time, no stress and therefore no GUILT. No guilt, much less yelling.

Take a break!: Sometimes the kids need a break from me and sometimes I need a break from them. Usually this break is needed right in the middle of a routine busy morning. It feels like if I could just get this one more page of reading or writing or math done, the world would be a better place. But I am learning to let go! So every time we finish something, I take a break and they take a break. Isaac runs around the room and sometimes flips upside down on the couch. Ziva finds a spoon and starts to play with her doll. It does take longer to get them back at the table and focus on what they are doing, but I have calmer more willing kids to deal with and much less YELLING!

In the past two days I have been able to look at Isaac and tell him that I am not happy with what he is doing. Whether it is disobedience or annoying his sister, I have managed to convey across to him with no words that he has crossed the line and will soon be disciplined. This is not a look that indicates anger, or displeasure or emotional ‘athaychar’. It’s just a look. Our eyes lock and he knows, that if he continues with his actions he will be in serious trouble. Sometimes he stops, sometimes I believe he just wants to test the waters to see how far he can go. I also know from the gaze in his eyes that he is not afraid of me, but he is definitely afraid of the consequence of his actions. No yelling! It is still hard to capture four-year old Ziva’s attention. But I have learned that yelling does not help either.

I know it’s too early to say all of the above works, I will never yell at my kids and celebrate. Like every addiction and every diet, I may crash land to a much worse spot. But I then have this blog to remind me how I had that one week of yell-free time and the joy on my kid’s faces as they enjoyed their time with me.

I do not want my children to tremor in front of me or be afraid of me. I want them to have a yell-free happy childhood.