Classic Conversation - Ziva's world

It has been ages since I have written something. Its not that I dont have anything to write. But there just does not seem to be enough time in the day to school, work, bake, stitch and then write.

This morning I decided to start school in a fun way. Painting! It's always a hit in the Joel household. Paper and colors and lots of glitter and brushes. But soon the two munchkins were all over the basement pulling out toys.
Me  - I was dragging my feet. I have been having this very bad dry cough since about a week. It seemed a great time to just lay around and so I rolled over to the carpet where  Z and I were playing and flopped on my back
Me: I am not feeling well. Z can you check what is wrong with me?
Z comes over and places her hand over my chest for a few seconds. Then with a very grave face she turns to me.
Z: Amma you have a broken heart and a dry cough!!

LOL. It was just too funny. And of course Z was very happy to heal mommy's broken heart with her comical conversations!

Love in a time of crisis #together

The true test of a marriage is definitely how a couple withstands crisis. While I cannot say that Suresh and I have had great trials and tribulations, we have seen a fair share of up’s and downs. Starting with homesickness, which was before we were married, to the loss of a dear one, we have been broken and still stand together.

A recent crisis that I thought would be interesting to share.  This one was not as emotional as a loss of a dear one but yet drove us up each other nerves in the matter of a few days.

We finally sealed the deal on a house in November. After 3 years of trying to get our finances together and being very picky about staying in the same community we were able to move to a house … right next door. I would not call it a dream home since I really do not have any idea of what my dream home would look like. But I definitely was looking forward to decorating this house and calling it my own. As we started planning changes in the house Suresh said 'Lets just move in! We can slowly make changes.' I , on the other hand, wanted to renovate the bathrooms. Now bathrooms are a pet peeve for me and while the new house had never been used, the tiles were not exactly my 'style'.

Suresh haggled 'One' bathroom. I did not give in. All 'four' bathrooms renovated was my demand. And then began our crisis which lasted 4 months.

As we broke the tiles and choose new one for the floors and walls, we never thought renovating bathrooms would be such a crisis. The contractor we chose was terrible. The workers were lazy and when time came to move into the new house, not a single bathroom was ready. 

I was waiting to hear from the mouth of DH 'I told you not to do this'

But he did not say a word!

One week later we managed to get the contractors out of the house and then, it started to leak. Not a small leak. A big smelly leak. Drip! Drip!

I was waiting to hear from the mouth of DH 'We should not have done this!'

But he did not say a word! 

It took us a whole month and a plumber who came every single day to our house to fix all the goof ups made by the previous contractor. As I complained about the never ending work and the constant drilling noise I was expecting DH to burst in flames and yell back.

I was waiting to hear from the mouth of DH 'You did not listen to me!'

But he did not say a word! 

We finally made it through the craziness together and have started enjoying the peace of our new home. While some women may think love is diamonds and roses, I am definitely one that believes that 'Love' is standing together in the time of crisis. Love is a husband who doesn't point out your mistakes!

This post has been written for #together for Housing.com. 

WAHM - Neither here nor there

There is a famous saying in Hindi 'Dhobi ka kutta na ghar ka na ghat ka' (Translated: The Washermans dog fits neither in the house nor on the road)

Its rather appropriate for my current situation. i.e. My current job situation. I am a WAHM. Work -AT -Home -MOM. There are many in this category and the thing about us is we are neither here nor there. We cannot really complain about the guilt of leaving our children at home. I feel this made for a good guilt trip - mostly self inflicted. We cannot complain about financial independence because usually WAHM make a pretty good cash. We cannot complain about the traffic because our office is usually the comforts of our home. We essentially have a 'sweet deal'! But somewhere in this sweetness there is a little void!

 I have been through 5 stages in the past 6 years of my life. I went from full time working wife TO full time working mom TO part-time working-mom TO stay-at-home mom (SAHM) TO work-at- home mom (WAHM). I have felt the pain and joys of each stage and I salute all women for just being sane with all the choices and all the drama in between!

What a Working-wife goes through?
If you are in this stage, I would say enjoy girl! Enjoy your work ... become a workaholic... enjoy being with your work friends ... enjoy the freedom from guilt. I know it may still be tough for some women to manage home with office - but I would say enjoy these days like good old college days.

What working-mom goes through?
The working mom goes through guilt and some times rejection. But more importantly the working-mom goes through exhaustion. You may have a maid, a cook, a nanny and your parents helping you - but the exhaustion is something that no one can take away. I remember coming home with pneumonia after one blistery week back at work post maternity leave. I dont think it was the blistery cold that caused the pneumonia. I think it was pure exhaustion. I had till that point toyed  with the idea of going part time. But the pneumonia sealed the deal for me. The guilt of walking out of the door leaving my 3 month old baby still occasionally shows up in my heart and I give Isaac an extra hug!
I never really felt any rejection, because Isaac usually ran into my arms when I reached home. However I have heard of moms complain that all they want to do is run home and hug their child. But the child withdraws into the more familiar nanny's/ grandma's arms.

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What a part-time working mom goes through?
As a part-time working mom you still have a little of the guilt, a little rejection but the exhaustion is still there. When I went part-time I started with the guilt of well I was not at work all the time which meant I would have more time. I took this as a reason to do more work around the house. I eventually turned women-grocer-launderer-cook-cleaner-dishwasher and everything in between while caring for the 1 year old.

My job was super - flexible and my colleagues were super nice. They let me come in at 6 am so I could leave by 10 am. I started feeling guilty! I started to do more than I really needed to. To get from full-time to part-time status, I had to give up one favorite aspect of my work 'Research'.  So in the end I was exhausted, over-worked and frustrated!

What stay-at-home mom goes through?
When we moved to India, I was very excited about the option to stay at home. I thought I would finally  get a break. A friend of mine once had said 'some butts are meant for sitting on the couch' and 'yours is not the kind that can sit on the couch'. He said this in reference to being a SAHM. If I could go back to that conversation, I would scream out loud that SAHM had no time for sitting on the couch. Truthfully I had hoped to put my foot up more often. But being a SAHM there was always something to be done. Bills had to be paid (paying bills online is also a chore and requires time), food had to be bought, meals had to be planned, clothes had to be cleaned and house had to maintained. Any one of these things out of place and you were a lousy SAHM. Well- not really lousy - but you constantly feel judged. I thought that I had handled an full-time job and a home and a baby. SAHM would be a piece of cake. So totally not true. As a SAHM I tried to do  more of my share of chores at home. Anything and everything associated with the house and around the house I felt was my responsibility. Ordering the solar heater , ordering the water softners, getting service done on all equipment, being around for the carpenter, plumber , electrician to fix whatever was broken. But it felt like whether it was done or not, there was no one to appreciate the efforts.
I also felt very guilty about spending money on myself. The lack of financial independence shows up for most moms who have gone through the previous phases of financial independence i.e. the phases above. I would never buy a coffee or indulge in an ice cream alone. I would think a hundred times before taking up hobbies such as baking, painting or stitching.
And then the rejection. It seemed like there was more joy on Isaac's face when he saw my husband return home than the remaining 24 hours I spent with him. I felt rejected.




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What work-at-home -mom goes through?
And then I woke up one day to an email asking me to work for 20-40 hours a week right from the comforts of my couch!
The reason I call my self the 'Dhobi ka kutta' is I have two kinds of guilt at this point. When I am working I feel like I am not spending enough time with my kids and when I am with the kids I think about all the work I need to get done.  Its like double guilt! And to get over the double guilt, I overdo it! I wake up at crazy hours to work. I plan picnics and activities with the kids to make up for the time I spend with my work. Guess what - double exhaustion.
I do not have work friends where I can whine about 'how the server went down' or 'the annual review'. Well there is a positive - I usually don't have an annual review. But that also means I get really no appreciation from work.
I miss getting out and shopping for groceries or household items. I usually try to get things ordered online to save time.
The 24 hours in the day never seems like enough time to get all the things I want to get done!
All hobbies have been currently been put on a hold!!! So its work -kids-work-kids and repeat as needed!

Reading my above whine list I see two things in common
1. We women suffer from exhaustion. No matter which stage we are in WAHM, SAHM, WM ... We suffer from exhaustion
2. We ladies are not nice to each other. We either believe our grass is greener or the grass on the other side is greener. One thought leads to pride and the other leads to envy. Both are terrible when combined with exhaustion! Remember every mom in every stage is exhausted and could use a little lifting up!

One thing the past 5 stages has taught me is to handle the questions such as 'Arent you bored at home ?' or 'Oh my God how can you leave your child at home?'  I normally handle them both based on the tone of the question. If its a mean question it gets a sarcastic answer. If the tone needs encouragement it gets encouragement. If its just a question - it gets an animated response from an over-enthusiastic WAHM.

While the whine list above may be long, as in everything there is Good.
Working moms enjoy financial independence and friends.
SAHM's are able to completely enjoy their kids
WAHM's are able to do a bit of both.
If you look for joy you can find it in whatever you do! 

Women Entrepreneurs

This blog, you could say is dedicated to Sridevi ... Yes the bollywood lady!. No she's not an entrepreneur in real life (At least I dont think so). But her character in English Vinglish can definitely inspire you to be one! An Entrepreneur. The ladoo making industry must have boomed after English Vinglish!

This blog is about three Indian Entrepreneurs I have seen very closely since I moved back to India. Whats common between them and me? They are all women! It inspires me!  You could say this is in order of physical distance from my house.

Mridula Velagapudi:
Her facebook 'About' says Self employed and loving it! When I first had a conversation with Mridula and asked her what she did, I did not realize what a big part of the writing world she had her foot in. 'Content Writing' she responded very simply, like it was a part of everyone's being.
'And whats that?' I asked naively (or rather ignorantly).
'I write content for various website' She replied. 'Companies send me stuff and I write it up so they can put it on their websites'
I did come home that evening and looked up content writing. I was part of oDesk already and had put my tiny foot into the world of blog writing. But as I searched content writers, I realized this world of writing I have never known about. Writing about a company you never knew or maybe just heard about can take a lot of skill. Especially, when by writing for them you are making the 'front face' of the matter they are trying to sell to world.
When I started writing this blog I asked Mridula whether she called her 'company' anything.
'No I am freelancer' she responded. But writes she does! From  - whitepapers, Case studies, product sheets, Newsletters, Company blogs, messages for Social media platform  - to the newsletter for our association - Mridula has done her bit of writing.
But for me the interesting part of this entrepreneur is ... I see her walking her kids to the school bus each morning and I see her pick her daughter up every afternoon at 1 pm from the school bus. Once Mridula mentioned ...
'Sometimes Ishanvi can get in the way of my work'... they way I see it - at least your home for her to get in the way of! Ishanvi is Mridula's 5 year- something little girl.

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'Do you work?' I ask Anjali as she holds on to one of her three dogs. This passionate animal lover is an entrepreneur. About 400 meters from our home, Anjali, her three dogs, one cat, fish, daughter and husband have made their friendly abode.
'I create home furnishing' She replied, still holding on tight to the all white Boxer. That's the dogs name, not his breed!
In my head, when you say furnishing I think sofas! But when I checked out Cannanore - a lore from a loom, I realized how creative furnishing can be. Someone once said that a house becomes a home when you put up curtains. That's whats Anjali's little basement based furnishing business does. With all her pretty colors and curtains she can make a room from pure to perfect!
Anjali is a big flea fiesta person. She can be found at all events around the Bangalore city displaying her pretty products. I keep promising her that when I buy my own house, I will definitely make a huge contribution to her bank account through Cannanore-a lore from a loom.
Again a home based business. But there is something about creativity that is contagious. Yes contagious. Anjali's 12th grade daughter Shradha has her own line of designer clutches. Now that's what I call - It runs in the blood.

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And then there is this enthusiastic entrepreneur about 10 kms from where I live. Yes Artsy Craftsy and its CEO Kanchan have found a special space on Dayenu the past several weeks.
You cannot miss the passion for art and craft in this entrepreneur. The living room of her house is filled with kids between 3 and 12 years of age and she still manages to get across the class contents and keep her sanity. Yet another home business!
Two things stand out in this entrepreneur.
One: she shares every thing. Her knowledge of art, her resources and details to her projects. She even has DIY (do-it-yourself) kits to get you started on your own craft classes. Of course she cannot share her patience and endurance towards the kids. Kanchan recently started Creative Adda. A place that encourages and builds creativity. I look forward to seeing this business boom too!
Two: She has a very supportive family. Her two daughters fit right into all the art and craft classes. Pihu being too little get carried off! But Kuhu all of seven not only tries the projects herself but is an excellent help to mommy! Ask Kanchan where you she gets her supplies from and she replies 'I dont know - my husband Pankaj gets it for me!' Now that's what I call a supper-supportive husband.
We were at Isaac's final day performance and Suresh and Pankaj got talking. In the conversation Pankaj mentioned 'I do my work for money. At least she (pointing at Kanchan) should do it for her passion'

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So women in Bangalore --- lets find a passion --- a talent! Lets become mini-entrepreneurs!

Isaac's family - Quotes from Isaacland

So we have a new book called Wild Cats. Today Isaac and I take a peek in. I start
Me: You know Isaac the lion is part of the cat family.
Isaac (mesmerized by the pictures): hmmm
Me: You know Isaac the cat family is called feline
Isaac: hmmm
Me: The dog family is called canine. Can you tell me the name of a canine that starts with D.
After a long thought
Isaac: Dingo
Me: And another one that starts with W and makes a sound oooooo. (me imitating howling)
Isaac: Wolf
Me: Do you cows are in the bovine family. Can tell me an animal that looks like the cow that starts with O ?
Isaac: Ox
Me: Can you tell me an animal that starts with Y that is in the bovine family and looks like a cow
Isaac: Yak
Me: And another bovine that is the national animal of America?
Isaac: Bison

I am all excited - it seems like families idea has sunk into Isaac
Me: Isaac what family does Danny belong to?

Isaac: Isaac's family

For those of you who don't know, Danny is the name of our 8 year old dog.

!!!!!!!! I love this guy!