Happy - Sad ! The new household word

I believe every household has it own set of unique words that get used. Some of it makes perfect sense while others are just for the family.
We have several of them in the Joel household. Starting from pet names all the way to code words for the big and small job. Well the big and small job are not really much of code words.
Pet names were created by dad who so dislikes second names. Bumbaloos and Tutoos for the two munchkins.
We also adopted words from some of our favorite shows - like Zrrrbbbtt from the 'Cosby show'. Zrbbttt aka Strawberry kisses.
But this recent one 'Happy- Sad' is probably my favorite. It started with when we got deep into Missionary stories with homeschool. I think it was two years ago that I was reading to Isaac 'Missionary Stories with the Millers'. I usually am a relatively emotionless person. But this one story got to me and as the story ended I was crying.
Are you sad Amma?
Yes?
And I got a much needed hug.
A few days later we were watching a video by Samsung. The one with the blind kids :)

Again I was in tears.
Amma you are sad?
No :). I am Happy sad.

And just like it became a household word. Every time I cried after that, for stories I read or videos we watched together, I was asked
Amma are you Happy Sad?

Yesterday we watched this video

And again I got all teary!  Maybe because I feel to some extent I have sucked out the color from my kids lives. Because I also recently feel drained of any color!
Amma are you Happy Sad
Kind of !
So to we decide to do a Happy sad emoji :)

 

My theory on the neverending wish list of my second born #ziva, #second #mine

I am a second born kid. Suresh is one too. This means we both have a sibling older than us. I am really glad because we kind of figure out the reason for why our second born behaves a certain way sometimes. SOMETIMES.

We have been seeing for a while now how Ziva is always asking for something. We have done our absolute level best to ensure that we treat both of them equally. But I think the inequality creeped in anyway when Ziva was born 1 year and 10 months later.

A few days ago, Ziva walked down the stairs after a shower with a shorts and the tshirt and someone who was sitting at our table waiting for lunch called out ‘HI! You are wearing Isaac’s clothes’. She looked down at herself and said as confidently as she could ‘No I am not!’. But the truth was she was! I felt a pang of guilt. I also realized that Ziva had a lot of hand me downs. Not crummy ones but still they were a seconds ... used. I really have no problem with seconds. I personally used to love wearing my cousins and sisters hand me downs. But I think somewhere along, this trade down of items causes a bit of a scar.

To talk about clothes alone, it seems like Ziva has a lot of clothes and Isaac too few. But if you look closely a lot of what Ziva has is mainly hand me downs. Including from cousins. A few months ago when we visited my sister, she took Isaac and Ziva to the hypermart to buy some color books and pencils. (We had left our pencil box and book bag on our flight to Mumbai). Isaac walked in and bought one drawing book and one set of color pencils. My sister asked him if he wanted a fancy pencil box or a bag or anything. He held his drawing book and said, ‘This is all I need’. Ziva on the other hand needed no coaxing. She soon had picked up a pink bag a pencil box, crayons etc.

I honestly find it hard that I raised both of them in the same household, with the same facilities. Yet my little girl had chosen to pick up random stuff that she probably never would use. I think all she wanted was something that someone bought just for her! Not a hand me down, not a second thought. Just for her!

Wearing Isaac's swim clothes

The theory of and downside of hand me downs: If its clothes, they rarely fit properly. They almost are never the color you like. This works very heavily especially if one person is a pink lover and the other a green lover. If toys or other items, they always seem scratched or  used. There is never that pleasure of opening up something new.

Suresh and I have similar stories. Stories of wanting our parents to buy us something. Stories where we adamantly demanded something that was probably unreasonable or unnecessary. Suresh once sat on a tricycle and refused to get off it till his parents had to finally buy it. I remember wearing so many hand me downs and since I was a size smaller, spending many hours tightening skirts and shortening salwar kameez’s that belonged to my sister. I did use this as an opportunity to make them a little extra short and a little extra tight 😉. While I did love her clothes, about the 11^th grade I made a total wardrobe switch and started wearing nothing but T-shirts and Jeans. This reduced the sharing I could do and I stopped the pipeline of hand me downs. Ziva has already started on those lines where she prefers wearing skirts and dresses to pants or shorts 😊. I say smart kid.

Isaac's sweater 

We were recently planning to get a new bicycle for Isaac since he is starting to ride mine now. As we talked about it I saw Zivas expectant look. We kind of held back our decision. In about 1 year and 10 months, Ziva would be using my cycle too. We would wait till that time to buy a cycle they both would share. No more hand me downs. Changing to a world of sharing and equal opportunity.

Murder! #tencommandments #learning #listening

We were reading a story the other day as part of our Sonlight homeschool curriculum. Just to put in a little word : I 'Heart' sonlight!

The word that came up was murder.
Me: Isaac do you know what murder means
I was little annoyed because Isaac looked very distracted as I had been reading to him. Read aloud is big part of our daily routine. Thanks to so many books to read aloud I have been reading books after a long time.
Isaac: Being angry with your brother!
FULLSTOP.
Me (a mixture of a lot of emotions) :What? Where did you learn that Isaac?
Isaac (a little more attentive): Cain and Abel in the bible
I want to take a moment here to hug all Isaac's Sunday school teachers!!!!
Isaac (like me) doesn't have very good control over his emotions. Anger being one of the key emotions that we both struggle with. I believe (sorry for sounding holy) it is a curse I have passed on to him and I pray daily that we both will be freed from this bondage I call 'ANGER'.
In a matter of seconds it seemed like we had switched roles. He being the teacher and me being the learner! It was like my son was preaching to me.
Well all these wonderful holy things comes to me with a dash of guilt. Am I overdoing it? Was I teaching them all the right things and not helping them practice it!
Last week at carecell as we were writing down prayer points, Sapna, one of the youth at church, was joking about something and she happened to say this dialogue ' Where you go I will go ...'
Ziva completed it for her : 'Your people shall me my people'
I stopped short and when Ziva noticed she had got all our attention she added with a big smile ' Ruth said it to Naomi'

I shared my fear of how my kids knew all the stories too well that one day they would just accept everything without actually having an experience with the God that created them :)
I got a lot of encouragement that evening. I hold on to it. Sapna responded saying, that knowing all this would help them live a life towards HIM. Susan added saying that it was all these teachings and her parents life lived out, that helped her during tough situations in her life.
As I write this blog, I am reminded of the story of a boy who didn't want to read the bible because he could not understand it. His grandfather makes him carry water in a coal basket. While the basket never holds any of the water, it eventually washes away the coal making the basket clean.

Maybe that is how all these stories will help Isaac and Ziva. As they live in this world, maybe these stories will build them up slowly and steadily and keep them strong in the tough storms of life.
Holding On and Pressing On.


Full story of the Coal Basket here: https://www.crossroad.to/Victory/stories/coal-basket.htm

For the 'Queen'!

About 3 years ago when we moved into our new place in Ardendale (from our old place in Ardendale :)), our friend Vandana gifted us a beautiful set of 'Borosil' drinking glasses. The brand of the glasses has a story as Suresh had gone to Vandana's place and harped about these very brand and Vandana, whose dad was an ex-army man, got it from the canteen because Suresh would not stop at how much he loved these glasses when he was a kid.



The lovely glasses sat in a special place, in view and yet, I did not want anyone using them because they were so delicate. We are a clumsy family and in a few months from getting this gift  broke a few from literally just touching them. I then completely banned Suresh from touching the glasses. I kept giving him some of our regular 'chai' wala glasses for drinking water.
A few weeks ago, Isaac was helping me set up the table for Dinner. His latest fancy is to use the 'Correlle' plates and breakable glasses. As he climbed up the counter opened the cupboard and pulled out one of the glasses, I turned just in time to realize it was one from 'precious' set.
Me: Isaaac  (in an exasperated tone)
Isaac looked confused.
Me: Take some other glasses. Not those!
Isaac looked back into the cup board not knowing what the difference really was.
Me: We can use those glasses when the 'Queen' comes.
Isaac nodded like he completely understood. He put back the glasses
Me: (a little stunned with the obedience) Isaac do you know when the Queen is coming?
Like he knew a secret I didnt.
Isaac: No
And then when he heard Suresh and me laughing he gave one of his blushing smiles and an annoyed punch as to why we were teasing him.

Coming a little ahead in time.
Last evening we had a few folk from Church in our house for a Christmas dinner. One young man came into the kitchen to help himself to some water and as he opened the cupboard to which I pointed he pulled out a glass from my 'precious' set. Isaac had just walked into the kitchen to view this choice of glass.
Isaac: Sanjay uncle, that is for the 'Queen'
Sanjay stops short. Looks from Suresh to me in confusion. We both started to laugh and as we shared the little story, Sanjay responds.
Sanjay: I am the Queen
Isaac and Ziva : (Squeal of laughter) You are not a girl.

Like Appa! Zivas world

So its lunch time and we are trying to be quiet these days just so we can finish lunch in 1/2 hr. But these days Isaac is the conversation starter - Surprise!
'Amma where did you get that picture ' He asks nodding toward a painting of Versailles.
 We bought it ' I replied a little disinterested.
'You went to Europe' He continues with a smirk on his face.
'Yes ... I went to France and went up the Eiffel Tower' I retort like a seven year old.
'Is the castle a museum?'  He persists.
'Yes Isaac. It the castle of Versailles! There are very few kings or knights in castles any more'
Little background - Isaac has been learning about knights and castles and the crusade.

Now Ziva joins in. ' Will you take us there next time Amma'
'No. You study hard, make money and go one your own!' I reply
' No. I want you to take me!' Ziva whimpers.
'I went on my own. Appacha did not pay for me.' I said with way too much pride.
'But I dont want to go ALONE!' She whines some more. AHA!
'You can get married and go with your husband!' I grinned suddenly pleased with the conversation.
Ziva smiles.
'Marry someone who likes traveling OK?!' I advise
'And someone who likes to dance!' Ziva adds with enthusiasm.
Now I am curious. It seemed like she had someone in mind already.
'Like who Ziva' I ask curiously. Names of all the boys Ziva knows is flashing through my head and I am crossing them off very quickly because not one of them is worth my daughter - Yes I know - Typical mom!

'Like Appa' Ziva answers enthusiastically. ' He likes to dance'

My heart is all melted and lying in sloppy tears all over the floor.

Suresh Joel ... some boy is going to have a tough job fitting into your shoes :)

Creating Memories #kids #childhood

I cannot remember which movie it is! But there was this dialogue about creating memories for our kids. Most of us think that memories are captured in photographs and so we take a million photos. And I think that is a fantastic way to capture memories. But do we think about creating memories. Some of us have a strange gift of keeping to 'memory' mainly the tragic stuff that has happened to us.
I have a huge pandora's box of bad 'memories'.
Some of us think that we need to go places or see things to create memories. But having traveled a bit and seen some of Gods wonderful creation, I am one for things that happened and people that were with me. That is what stays in my memory.
This afternoon, I had two friends come over and as we sat reminiscing about some old memories, I realized that some of them didn't just happen. We created them. There were trips we had planned or gatherings together, that had created some fun times. Memories.

After my friends left, and I sat on the couch to get to work, my eyes caught a few pictures I had taken this past weekend. Sunday has been a long day. We usually had long days on Sunday. But yesterday had started at 5 am and ended for us at 9 pm. By us I mean the kids too. While the afternoon to evening had been particularly boring for the kids, the morning had begun fantastically.

 

I had set up my alarm to 4 am and because I had not slept till midnight the previous two nights I turned off the alarm at 4 and slept till 5 am. At 5 am on Sunday morning we jumped off the bed. Woke the kids up and in 20 minutes got ready and were driving off to Forum Value mall in Whitefield. It was a 5 k run and for the first time we had taken the kids to a registered, organized run. The Purple run - Cause was Alzheimer's awareness.

Suresh and I have run several times over the past 1.5 years. Every time we ran and came home the kids would ask us if it had been fun and from their perspective we were having lots of fun. Finally Ziva started asking when she could come with us. When we saw the invitation for all ages at the Purple Run we registered as a family. For the first time! We reached Forum at 5:35 and pinned on our bibs just in time to click a selfie and start running. Suresh ran with Isaac. Ziva and I paced together. About midway through the run Ziva was in tears and said .. 'Amma next time I want to run only 1K'. We gently kept pushing them towards theirs final destination. Walking, sprinting, jogging and stopping, we reached the goal. As we crossed the finish line a gentleman came closer to look at the bib of the kids. 5K was written in purple. Wow! Good job, he said as he patted Isaac on the head. The exhaustion escaped and Isaac was shy because of the compliment.

We do not know how they will remember this run! But we did seize the opportunity to create a 'good' memory for Isaac and Ziva. Happy dance. :)

Mounika and Josh joining was a sure encouragement. About a kilometer away from the destination Mounika asked me softly if we were pushing them. I said 'maybe' and kept going :). What Mounika had not seen was that before she joined Ziva and me, Ziva had been whining. But the minute she saw Mounika join, she had a happy smile all the rest of the way.

As we came really close the end of the run and people were cheering us to complete it,  Ziva comments ' I hope I get a gold medal ' :) :)

The move! #kidsmoving

We recently had some close friends move out of Bangalore. It was a strange mix of emotions! Laughing about old fun times and getting mopey at the thought of not seeing them often.

Suresh and I have moved several times. In fact during the first seven year of our marriage we moved

2003 January 300 E Franklin #805
2004 May 300 E Franklin #1401
2005 October 1503 Irby Drive
2007 July Lodges at Seven Oaks
2008 January 2601 Barred Owl way
2009 January 1027 S Hanover Street
2010 January 1409 Pangbourne Way
2011 November MIMS Ardendale Bangalore

You could say that we had gotten pretty good at moving and settling and packing and moving in the first seven years. It was easy to move when it was just Suresh and me. Though we had plenty of furniture. It seemed like there was nothing in particular keeping us clinging to one spot.
The last move however took a heavy toll on us. It was a big move. It also was accompanied with a significant life change. Arrival of baby #2 'Ziva'. As we made the decision to move and as we ironed out the fine details of the movers and dates and other logistics, we had forgotten one small element. We forgot to prepare our 1.5 year old. It may seem silly! You may even think that 'What can a 1.5 year old understand?'. The move to Bangalore took a heavy toll on Isaac.

This was my happy and sweet boy a few weeks before we left. The first couple months in Bangalore was a nightmare. Not too clingy a boy, he suddenly had deep separation anxiety. He would cry every morning as Appa took off to work. This made the first half of my day miserable. I tried to keep pushing through it with the hope that dad would come home soon and rescue me.
At about two weeks past birth, Isaac smiled a big broad knowing smile. A friend, who was also a pediatrician, commented - 'You guys must have smiled a lot during the pregnancy'. 2 years and one big move later and Isaac spent a lot of time crying. Whining to be precise. There was a lot of tears all the time.
Nap times were easy till 1.5 year for Isaac. I could never remember him waking up crying. In fact our favorite memory of Isaac waking up was a quiet sound we heard whispering over the baby monitor. Several times we peeked through the door and he would be lying quietly talking to his fingers or staring at the wall as if it was a piece of Picasso. Come Bangalore and I could not leave him alone at nap time. The minute I rolled out of bed he followed me. It seemed a different person.
Now five years later, I am thankful the phase is over. But a small part of me knows that moving and change is an inevitable part of life. What will I do differently this time?


Moving with someone who cannot express how their are feeling is tough business. Moving with someone who now can express a lot but doesn't understand their own emotions is far greater a turmoil and while I pray it will not happen ... Tomorrow is another day

Once I mentioned the fact that we had moved so many times, it seemed ridiculous and my brother in law mentioned that we were after all Isaac's parents and like the biblical story of Isaac's parents, Abraham and Sarah, maybe we were destined to be nomads.
How did Abraham do it? Keep moving! How did the Israelites do it? Keep walking. No stability and nothing the same.

This being said, the community of MIMS Ardendale has been the place we have stayed in the longest. (we did move between two houses less then a few meters from each other). And I am thankful for this stability. However a few months ago, in the midst of some trials I impulsively told Suresh - Lets move! For me - move is an escape route. The EJECT button. But maybe it time for me to make my peace with here and now - for the sake of Isaac and Ziva!

Reading !

I will read your books
I want to know what happens in your dreams

I will listen to your songs
I want to know what's playing in your head

I will do the things that make you smile
I want to know what makes you happy

I will listen to your songs
I want to know what you are feeling

I will read your books
I want to be a part of your life

The Ladies seat: Breakfast and a few learnings.

It was one of those Fridays when I woke up and decided – I wanted to have breakfast out. We do this occasionally, where we just go out for breakfast even on a weekday morning. It seemed like a good day to have some masala dosa. We woke the kids up and hurried their milk down with the promise of a fun trip to eat out.

As I got the car out of the parking, I noticed it was complete flat. A few minutes’ delay and Suresh ad the spare tire on. And that was low on air too. To think of the odds of that happening! The Maruthi garage is close to home and so we drove there. About an hour from the time we decided we had to have breakfast out, we were at the garage and told that something was wrong with the axle and it would take at least 2 hours to have it fixed.

As we walked out from the garage with two hyper excited kids (garage trips are always fun for them, since there is so much to see). Suresh pulled out his phone and said ‘Lets book a car and go have breakfast and come back.’

Ziva chimed in ‘Appa let's go by bus’

I remember when I was young I hated going by bus. I think my sister can fairly vouch that I begged, pleaded and nagged her every evening after school to take an autorickshaw home. She being the good child always refused to!

Ziva’s request gave me the giggles – She may look like me but we are poles apart.

We walked about 500 meters and go into the bus! Two excited kids and two adults trying to look like we fit in. I think we looked like those people who have never been on a flight get all excited when the seats recline back.

Isaac and Ziva took a seat all the way in front and Suresh and I found a seat close by. The bus was relatively empty. After a few minutes, Suresh looked around and realized that there were several seats empty around us, but none of the men were sitting on them.

‘I think I am sitting on a ladies seat’, he whispered a little amused and a little embarrassed.

He stood up and moved closer to where all the men were standing and I decided I would move closer to the kids. I picked Ziva and had her sit on my lap.

Both were curious on why Appa was standing when there was a so many places to sit at.

I pointed to the sign above that said ‘ LADIES SEAT’. ‘Its only for ladies to sit on’ I told Isaac.

Isaac looked above his seat and it had the same sign ‘LADIES SEAT’. Noticing his glance I  assured him . ‘ You are small Isaac. You can sit here. Its OK!’

Isaac: ‘ Will I have to get up when I am 8 years old’

Me : ‘ Maybe it will be OK for you to sit here till you are 10 years old’

I wondered why I put that cap of 10 years! What was I expecting him to do at 10 years that he was not doing at 7 years.

Me:  ‘Or maybe if you behave yourself you can still sit here. ‘

I went on to tell him why there were separate ladies seats.  ‘ If men learn to behave themselves, we wont need these separate seats’

When I told Suresh about this explanation he said that the main reason of LADIES SEATS was because women were considered the ‘weaker sex’.

I disagree.  In the Mumbai where there are tons of women working there are just two compartments (maybe 3 reserved for women). Separate compartments – because men don’t know how to behave themselves!

On the way back from breakfast, we got into another bus! As Isaac sat in his spot, he turned up to look if there were was something written over it!

Why did I leave my job!

The question has repeated and this time it was asked by the younger of my two munchkins.

Ziva: Amma are you a cook?
I am glad she didn't call me a 'cooker'! I had just finished instructing the cook something when this question came up.

I was just about to answer when Isaac chimed it.

Isaac: No! She is a doctor.
I was shocked at how clear he was about my educational qualification.

Me: Isaac! Who told you... How did you know?
Isaac (sheepish smile because I still had an expression of shock):  I saw it on your laser pointer. It was written 'Dr. Rohini George'

Then he turned to Ziva and said.
Isaac: She is not a doctor who gives medicine. She is a doctor who fixes big machines.

I then remembered that I had showed Isaac pictures of me working on linear accelerators.

Ziva: Amma you don't go to GE?

GE is where Appa works and I think the current assumption is if I were to work... I would be going to GE! Yea right like they would hire me!

Isaac: No only Appa goes to GE
And Munchkin # 1 has his basics right!

Me: Isaac why did I stop working?
My curiosity got the better of me and I just had to know why he thought I was not out there with Dad

Isaac: You stopped working to have children.

Tada - simple and clear
Me: No Isaac - I stopped working because I had children and I wanted to be with my children.

A trip to the NICU – A mother’s nightmare

It was a perfect Friday afternoon. I had just delivered a beautiful baby boy. All of 7 lbs 9 oz. He kicked and screamed and peed as he entered the world.

I was enjoying my Saturday with visitors and hugs and flowers and lots of talking about the wonderful birth experience. I was holding my little darling close in my arms , very proud of his wrinkled skin and tiny eyes.

And then Sunday came. There was nothing better than to know that we were going to go home. I got to take my little baby home. And then we got the infamous visit. As a final round to taking little Isaac home, he had a visit with the pediatrician. It was not the pediatrician we had chosen, but another one from the same practice.

The average height slightly paunchy man, with peppered grey hair and thick glasses broke the news.

‘I was checking your son and there seems to be a slight whooshing in his heart. He probably has a hole in his heart’

I remember the entire statement was short and abrupt. No pause, no preparation, no comfort.

‘He may be fine in a few days or he may need heart surgery’

I wanted to scream ‘Do you see how small he is? Are you kidding with the heart surgery’

I sat there numb. I looked at Suresh and I could see that we were just both bravely holding our faces! No tears, just a glazed look in our eyes.

‘I have sent for an echo, we will send the pictures to the Radiologist. But since it is Sunday today, we may have to wait till tomorrow for the results.’

Are you kidding me? I will not know for another 24 hours if my son needs surgery. We had waited for this child for 7 years. We had prayed desperately for 2 years. And now when it was time to take him home, I was being told, well, he may spend the next few months of his life in and out of the hospital.

I work in a Radiation Oncology department and all through my pregnancy as I saw little children come in for cancer treatment, I prayed that God would spare me the sorrow I saw in the eyes of the parents.

And here I  was sitting with something that seemed as unimaginable. Just as he had abruptly entered, the pediatrician left! I sat at the edge the hospital bed. Still sore from the delivery. All I wanted to do was lie down and sleep. But I knew sleep was way off! Suresh sad silently on the sofa across. The phone rang!

‘ Congratulations chechy!’ It was my cousin and he seemed so excited I continued the conversation. But not for too long.

‘How is the little munchkin’. I started to wail over the phone, leaving a very confused receiver. I handed the phone to Suresh as I sought shelter in his arms. Suresh bravely passed on the message. And then we just both cried!

A few minutes later , Isaac came into the room to be fed. I held him tight.  Fear had completely taken over me. There was not even a small part of me that thought that this would just go away. As I burped him and lay him in the crib, he threw up and then it seemed like he was gasping. We panicked and called the nurse.
Another crazy lady! She started talking through the process loudly.

‘Oh he’s probably short of air … we may need to give him some oxygen… yes lets do that’

And then she took him away. It felt like way too much happening, too fast.

A few minutes later, Suresh went to check on Isaac at the nurse’s station. He came back gloomy.

‘He’s doing OK! Breathing with a little oxygen tube. But they are preparing to admit him into the NICU’

Too many scary words in just a few hours. Hole in the heart, NICU, oxygen tube.

And just like that by Sunday evening, when I was supposed to take my first born home, I walking with him to the NICU. He seemed to be doing much better and in fact was screaming of hunger. He seemed feisty enough kick off the pulse oximeter from his crib.  The NICU nurse watched him for a little bit and then turned to me

‘He looks like a fighter. He’s gonna be out of here soon’

That’s all I was looking for. The evening suddenly got better. I actually slept that night more from exhaustion than in peace. As we waited for the results from the radiologist the next day, we got a chance to meet the NICU doctor

‘A pediatrician cannot tell you that your son has a hole in his heart! That’s the job of the radiologist! Your son seems absolutely fine. I had to start him on antibiotics as there seemed to be a risk of infection, we will finish a three day course and then he will be fine’

The radiologist result did not come till Tuesday morning. But by then we did not really care! Looking at a spunky little boy in the NICU we knew we were taking him home soon.

One small mistake. One silly doctor. Two new parents! All we needed to have said was - we will take a second opinion or are you absolutely sure! 

One year and 10 months later we were sitting in the same room. This time there was a little girl in my arms. Pink and pretty! She was glowing.

Enter – A pediatrician. This time a pleasant middle age lady with a smile on her face. She spoke softly

‘ I need to tell you guys something. But I want you both not to panic.’

Suresh and I chimed together ‘Yea she probably has a hole in her heart. It will close in time. When can we take her home?’

This time the pediatrician was confused.  

‘Wow you guys are very cool parents! Congratulations and all the best. We will do an echo and send the results home!’

I love happy endings.