A trip to the NICU – A mother’s nightmare

It was a perfect Friday afternoon. I had just delivered a beautiful baby boy. All of 7 lbs 9 oz. He kicked and screamed and peed as he entered the world.

I was enjoying my Saturday with visitors and hugs and flowers and lots of talking about the wonderful birth experience. I was holding my little darling close in my arms , very proud of his wrinkled skin and tiny eyes.

And then Sunday came. There was nothing better than to know that we were going to go home. I got to take my little baby home. And then we got the infamous visit. As a final round to taking little Isaac home, he had a visit with the pediatrician. It was not the pediatrician we had chosen, but another one from the same practice.

The average height slightly paunchy man, with peppered grey hair and thick glasses broke the news.

‘I was checking your son and there seems to be a slight whooshing in his heart. He probably has a hole in his heart’

I remember the entire statement was short and abrupt. No pause, no preparation, no comfort.

‘He may be fine in a few days or he may need heart surgery’

I wanted to scream ‘Do you see how small he is? Are you kidding with the heart surgery’

I sat there numb. I looked at Suresh and I could see that we were just both bravely holding our faces! No tears, just a glazed look in our eyes.

‘I have sent for an echo, we will send the pictures to the Radiologist. But since it is Sunday today, we may have to wait till tomorrow for the results.’

Are you kidding me? I will not know for another 24 hours if my son needs surgery. We had waited for this child for 7 years. We had prayed desperately for 2 years. And now when it was time to take him home, I was being told, well, he may spend the next few months of his life in and out of the hospital.

I work in a Radiation Oncology department and all through my pregnancy as I saw little children come in for cancer treatment, I prayed that God would spare me the sorrow I saw in the eyes of the parents.

And here I  was sitting with something that seemed as unimaginable. Just as he had abruptly entered, the pediatrician left! I sat at the edge the hospital bed. Still sore from the delivery. All I wanted to do was lie down and sleep. But I knew sleep was way off! Suresh sad silently on the sofa across. The phone rang!

‘ Congratulations chechy!’ It was my cousin and he seemed so excited I continued the conversation. But not for too long.

‘How is the little munchkin’. I started to wail over the phone, leaving a very confused receiver. I handed the phone to Suresh as I sought shelter in his arms. Suresh bravely passed on the message. And then we just both cried!

A few minutes later , Isaac came into the room to be fed. I held him tight.  Fear had completely taken over me. There was not even a small part of me that thought that this would just go away. As I burped him and lay him in the crib, he threw up and then it seemed like he was gasping. We panicked and called the nurse.
Another crazy lady! She started talking through the process loudly.

‘Oh he’s probably short of air … we may need to give him some oxygen… yes lets do that’

And then she took him away. It felt like way too much happening, too fast.

A few minutes later, Suresh went to check on Isaac at the nurse’s station. He came back gloomy.

‘He’s doing OK! Breathing with a little oxygen tube. But they are preparing to admit him into the NICU’

Too many scary words in just a few hours. Hole in the heart, NICU, oxygen tube.

And just like that by Sunday evening, when I was supposed to take my first born home, I walking with him to the NICU. He seemed to be doing much better and in fact was screaming of hunger. He seemed feisty enough kick off the pulse oximeter from his crib.  The NICU nurse watched him for a little bit and then turned to me

‘He looks like a fighter. He’s gonna be out of here soon’

That’s all I was looking for. The evening suddenly got better. I actually slept that night more from exhaustion than in peace. As we waited for the results from the radiologist the next day, we got a chance to meet the NICU doctor

‘A pediatrician cannot tell you that your son has a hole in his heart! That’s the job of the radiologist! Your son seems absolutely fine. I had to start him on antibiotics as there seemed to be a risk of infection, we will finish a three day course and then he will be fine’

The radiologist result did not come till Tuesday morning. But by then we did not really care! Looking at a spunky little boy in the NICU we knew we were taking him home soon.

One small mistake. One silly doctor. Two new parents! All we needed to have said was - we will take a second opinion or are you absolutely sure! 

One year and 10 months later we were sitting in the same room. This time there was a little girl in my arms. Pink and pretty! She was glowing.

Enter – A pediatrician. This time a pleasant middle age lady with a smile on her face. She spoke softly

‘ I need to tell you guys something. But I want you both not to panic.’

Suresh and I chimed together ‘Yea she probably has a hole in her heart. It will close in time. When can we take her home?’

This time the pediatrician was confused.  

‘Wow you guys are very cool parents! Congratulations and all the best. We will do an echo and send the results home!’

I love happy endings.