16 years since we met ... 13.5 years being married..
Yet everyday we figure out something new about each other. That's what keeps a marriage going. I am glad for this union of ours (and I hope Suresh is glad too.)
Do we fight? Yes of course! Are there days I want to strangle Suresh? Yes there are! And I bet there are days when he would like to give me a slap and say 'grow up'.
But we are still together. No its not because we are madly in love with it each other. Well there are days we think we will go mad. That, however, has more to do with the byproducts of this Union than either of us.
Whats keeps us together? What keeps a couple together?
We had a wonderful couples meeting in the summer 0f 2010 at our annual Church retreat in Summit Grove, Pennsylvania. Led by Bill and Claudia Teubl, we got great advice and confirmation on some ways of life.
Here is my little tit-bit for those who want to take it.
Have a common goals -
Before we even got together or decided we wanted to get married - we had discussed some of our life's goals or desires. Somehow neither of us talked about what we wanted our career path to be or how much money we wanted to make. The only thing that seemed to come out strong was 'We wanted to move back to India at some point of time'. Sitting on my couch in pleasant and cool Bangalore, I am glad of that conversation. Talking about going back 'home' sometime. I put in a bid - 'No Chennai' and Suresh topped it off with a 'No Mumbai' - God's plan could not be more perfect than to put us here in Bangalore!
Sane Finances:
Try not to get into debt. If you are in debt, get out of it as soon as possible. You don't have to have a ton of money in your savings account. But you will have a lot of peace knowing that you don't owe anybody anything!
The Teubl's took it a notch higher for us and said - no house loans - no car loans. They didn't mean that you need to have a down payment for the entire sum your house would have. Just make it a goal to pay off the house as soon as possible. We had the pleasure of spending some time with Becky Teubl the third child of the Teubl's. She mentioned how her mother had divided a picture of the house into neat bricks each representing the payment for a month for the house. Coloring out a brick a month indicated they owned that portion when they paid the mortgage. A lovely way to involve children in finances. Becky said that one month the children brought money together and gave it to their dad to pay the months mortgage and had the pleasure of being 'involved' in the coloring.
Dave Ramsey 'finance Guru' says that finances is a big reason couples split -- so stay out of debt.
Witnessing those miracles and trials together.
Life will throw all kinds of stuff at you. Big rocks, small stones. They all hurt - but stick together - because when those miracles happen, its no fun sitting alone and enjoying it. Its means much more when there is someone joining in the happiness.
Isaac and Ziva are our miracles and trials all in one bundle. We have enjoyed every minute of them. I can think of no other man who would sit by me day after day as I cried for a child. I can think of no other man to give me those IVF shots and I can think of no other man who would wake up in the middle of the night to put a new born to sleep.
Losing parents has also been something that kept us together. When folks ask us why we moved back to India - my first reason is losing 3 parents in 3 years was not easy and we needed family around to overcome the grief.
Plenty of difference in opinions:
Are we different? As different as North and South pole. Isn't that what they say - poles apart! But even at these two poles the climate is kind of chilly and icy and the same. So poles apart and yet so much in common. That's what keeps things interesting.
A little screaming and yelling
We were not big fighters. Then we attended a marriage seminar by George and Pooja Cherian, where they spoke about 'How to fight good!'. It brought out a lot of hidden resentment. I used to pride myself on fighting about silly stuff and keeping the big stuff within. But now I like that we fight good and sort our differences and anxieties! It builds the relationship on stronger ground!
Union in thinking
We have a lot of common ideas about parenting and finance. I like that when I think of something and make an eye connection with hubby dear across the room, I know he is thinking the same. You can say the same strings hit a rhythm within us! How did we get there? Talking lots and lots of talking.
Last and the most important the big guys upstairs!
I would be insane not to mention the big Guy upstairs who brought us together and has kept us so far.
If it was not for our faith in Jesus and constantly keeping Him in the center of our relationship ... things would have surely been a mess
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZEURntrQOg
Union of Suresh Emmanuel Joel and Rohini George: 13.5 years
30 December 2002 -- to Present
By products : Isaac George Joel
Ziva Esther Joel
And knowing I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life : 14 years on January 27 2001
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