The Sanguine and the Melancholic - Ziva's world

There is this pretty cool thing that I discovered recently. TEMPERAMENTS. We each have a different temperament
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_temperaments
Lots of things are involved in how our temperaments are formed. As part of a marriage seminar, Suresh and I took the temperament test.
I am a Choleric
Suresh is a Phelgmatic.
Suddenly my husband made so much sense to me! I have always loved him! But now he made sense!
As a consequence of the temperament analysis I now walk around looking at people through the eye glass of temperaments! I am not judging - its just that they make more sense!

Guess who comes under the scrutiny of this eye glass! Of course Isaac and Ziva.
Yesterday I was talking to Isaac and Ziva about the paralyzed man and his four friends from the book of Matthew 9:2-6. The story is about four friends bringing their paralyzed friend to Jesus to be healed. Ahhh - Good friends! The ones who stick around even when you are paralyzed.

I finished the story and asked Isaac
Me: Who is your best friend Isaac?
Isaac (Without a blink): Jeremey
Me: Who is your best friend Ziva?
Ziva: Suzanna and Natania and Akshaya and Aaron and Audrey!
Me: OK Ziva! But tell me one name who is your best friend!
Ziva (Pause ... whines) : But Amma ... I want all the girls and all the boys to be my best friend!

Typical Sanguine!  They love you the most and forget you the fastest ;)

Raising those boys and girls right - A continuation to my woes!

Since I wrote my previous blog about modesty and my little girl, I have had a little conversation with neighbor and awesome conservationist Debjani Banerjee.

Debjani Banerjee Rohini George: i am going to have to argue with you on this. As the "other mother" referred to in the blog, I would have to say that the coach's attitude was extremely problematic and far from fatherly. First, there is an assumption on his part, that if my daughter wears a tank top and shorts, boys will LOOK and then, there is the assumption that if my daughter dresses more "modestly" they will not. The entire "gaze" perverted to use your word, depends on the clothes the woman wears. Unless we are able to condition boys and men differently, this is a vicious cycle and a dangerous argument. The Nirbhaya episode in December had brought this out quite clearly. We can protect our girls as we will continue to do; but this coach's prescription will not make the world safer for them to live.

Rohini George Debjani Banerjee ... completely agree with your argument ... mainly because I am the girl in the tank top, shorts, etc. But I am also beginning to believe that we need to meet the boys/men half way through. Just to be fair to both sexes ... since both you and I have a boy in household


Debjani Banerjee Absolutely Rohini George: which is why I refuse to have them monster-ized (sorry, thats not really a word) --ALL boys will look...that is very problematic. At the same time, boys too, need help to re-position their gaze and their response to girls/women. Hope our girls can inherit a safer world. 

I realized at this point, that the only people Debjani and I could change were our own children. Just like Debjani, I want a safer world for not just my daughter, but also my son. And for this I need my son to respect all women and turn his gaze away when he needs to. I need to tell my daughter that if she does not want to be gazed at, she should not wear clothes that will not cause her to be gazed at and she should be sensible enough to know the difference between a place that is and is no OK.

But that being said ... I remember being completely suited up waiting for the train at the Baltimore Light rail station and got a compliment ... well lets hope we can call it a compliment ... Someone passed by and said ... 'Oh my I think I've seen an angel'. Flattered as I may have been, I felt scared, unsafe and just wanted to get home. I guess this is what Debjani meant when she said ... it was also up to the boys to look away.

Bottom line. I will teach my son to look at women with respect. I will teach my daughter that she cannot get all men to turn their gaze away .. so she needs to be wary of her surroundings. And to give them this lesson, I may have to wait another 8-10 years.
But while I am waiting ...
I urge mother's to talk to their sons. You are the only ones that can make the world safer for all the daughters out there.
I ask all Dad's to teach daughters about self-esteem and that it comes from being a strong woman (not necessarily brave) not giving into the whims of men around.
I ask all mom's to tell their daughters about modesty and individuality (something I struggled with myself).
I ask all dad's to show their sons that being a man is not about showing it on a woman or being part of a mob. Being a man is also about being able to protect the ones you love and since you may not always be around to protect the ones you love, protect the ones others love too! i.e. Take it literally when you make the national pledge 'All Indians are my sisters ... mothers... aunts... '

As Debjani puts it so well - Hope our girls inherit a safer world.

Where were you born?: Quotes from Isaacland

So Suresh has just returned from an office trip. He spent a few days in Spain and a few in Seattle, US. Isaac spoke to Suresh a few times over the computer and asked him where he was. So he got the answer Spain a few days and then Seattle a few days

This morning

Isaac and Appa are checking out the World map.

Appa: Isaac where is China

Isaac points it out.

Appa: Where is South America

Isaac point it out.

Then he points at US.

Isaac: I was born in America

Appa: Very good Isaac ... Ziva was also born in America. Do you know where Appa was born?

Isaac: Spain