An Outsiders View

So there are so many things that seem usual to us, that we fail to realize somewhere someone may think 'Why that's weird!'
We recently entertained Rebecca Teubl from the Canaan Fellowhship and had a chance to view India and our surroundings from her perspective. Boy was it fun! There were so many things that Becky asked that made me wonder ... 'Wow I really didn't realize how unusual the world thinks this is!'
Here are a few things that came out from our conversations with Becky and her questions for us.

MASALA CHAI
'Why do you guys do this to yourself?'  This is the question Becky asked us when we told her what Masala Chai was i.e Spice Tea. Now if any of you are thinking .... hmmmm Pumpkin spice latte .... uhhh NO. Below is a short of list of the ingredients
* 100 grams powdered ginger
* 25 grams cloves
* 100 grams whole black peppercorns
* 60 grams cinnamon, broken small, or 40 grams ground
* 1/2 nutmeg, crushed
* 35 grams green cardamom pods
As you can see this chai is indeed spicy. But for me and Suresh ... its like spiced latte ... but better :).


RIGHT IS RIGHT AND LEFT IS WRONG
I dont mean which side of the road you walk on. (By the way there is no rule for that .... not even for which side of the road you drive on sometimes). This is for which hand you use to eat your food. This was among the first questions Becky asked when she arrived. 'Is it OK to use your left hand to eat?' Ummmm No. Most people in our generation don't really care or wont look twice. You may get the occasional stare like Yeeww use your clean hand i.e. Right hand. Mainly because the left hand is meant to take care of 'other' business. I have watched two of my cousin's being forced to become right handers! One of them now uses his left hand for everything else including writing but not to eat his food. As Americans would says 'Scarred for life'.
As I now watch Isaac be ambidextrous and use both hands at the table to eat his food, I am almost rooting on him being left handed. Why? Just because! I also hear people in our generation call out to him ... 'Use your right hand Isaac ... Use your right hand!'

FINGER FOOD
And going on to the most basic skill that every Indian is taught. Eating with your fingers. We have frequently had non-Indian friends over and Suresh would encourage them to eat with their hands saying 'This is how you eat Indian food'. I never realised how tough and probably frustrating it is to eat with your fingers when you are not used to it. As we watched Becky try her level best and make good use of chappati's as pseudo spoons, we realized how much we had taken for granted our being able to use fingers with so much ease.  But A for effort for Becky being able to handle the art of finger food in India :).


THE ART OF KISSING


The picture above is taken at Mahabalipuram, right after Ziva got ambushed by a group of young girls. They were so excited to hold her that they pinched her cheeks and flustered her. We walked away laughing and a little while later Becky asks 'Why do they do that?'. She was referring to the way the girls would use their fingers, touch Ziva's cheeks and then touch their lips with those fingers. I have seen this so much that I never really thought it odd. Suresh provided a pretty decent explanation 'Hygiene'. Makes sense. In India no one really restricts themselves from showering affection - especially on a 6 month old baby. So the old wives tale told was if you kiss a baby on her cheeks, her cheeks will fall out and she will look ugly. My grandmother has yelled at me so often for kissing my niece's cheeks ... sometimes even wanting to eat them. So a provision for that is a peck on the forehead or the age old 'touch her cheeks and kiss your fingers'!


LAND OF COWS
Yes at every nook and corner. Cow's / buffalo's/ sheep and any other cattle you can think of. But this particular sight has actually worked out in our benefit. Benefit - we have a two year old son who is crazy about animals. So much so that we were driving through some very bumpy roads in Chennai and very nervous that Isaac would throw up since he gets car sick, when we hear a squeal in the back seat. As we turn around to look for damage, Isaac just yells ' PASHUUU' (Cow in malayalam). We turn to the road to see six cows on the right corner of the road, hanging out together almost like they had come together for CHAI!
Becky you are right - Isaac is in the right country for his likes.

TRASH CANS GALORE
As we drove from pleasant Bangalore to humid Chennai all of us except Becky caught a cold. As Becky kept saying  --- ' If I dont fall sick it is a sign that I serve a powerful God' - A good tag line to have when you are on a two week vacation.  We were on one of the many trips in the car and Becky was helping wipe Isaac's nose for him and then exasperated she says ' You guys need more trash cans .... or plastic bags or something to throw trash in'
Me: 'Becky plastic bags cost Rs. 4 here even when you buy groceries!'
Becky: 'Next time I come to India, I am getting you lots of plastic bags from the US.'
I can't wait for my hostess gift next time Becky ;)
But it does seem that even Suresh has been complaining more and more about no trash cans around the house! Time to go shopping :)

On the whole we had a blast with Becky and learnt a lot more about India :)

The strangest looks! 'ITHU AITHU STATEEN ANNU' (Which state is she from?')

I have been getting some strange stares in India these past couple of months. No I am not being pretentious or behaving like an outside. I dress normally ... Tie my hair up normally and walk normally. So what is causing the stares? Isaac and Ziva. I know I know they are so darn cute! But that is not the reason. It is the stroller and the Baby Bjorn (carrier).
When I first walk down the road everyone stares and smiles at Isaac on the stroller ... then their eyes drift to the dangling legs near my waist and the stare continues till I walk past them. You really could not see Ziva's head till recently

Couple of interesting conversations that have occurred due to the Baby Bjorn
1. A lady in the elevator:  'Usko garam nahi lagta hai? (Does she not feel hot?)
2. Another well wisher 'How does she breathe?' (Yes I am trying to suffocate my baby!!)
3. A lady crossing the road with me smiles at Isaac on the stroller and then stares at the legs and puts her face over the Baby Bjorn to look in and says ' Arre isme baba hai!' (Oh my there is a baby in this!)
4. And the last one is too comical occurred at a railway station in Bangalore. We were on our way to Kerala to see my Grandad. I had Ziva in the Baby Bjorn and in order to prevent her from crying I was bouncing about a little bit. A bunch of young kids standing with their parents  -- seemed like a large joint family were  -- well staring. They all began giggling as they saw me. Suresh had gone away to bring some luggage to where I stood. One boy took up some courage and in a rather accented (Indian) voice asked ' What is your name?' I smiled and said 'What is your name?'. He squirmed and looked at his sister wondering what I had just said. I went a little closer to them and asked him again speaking a little slower and still bouncing with Ziva 'What is your name?'. He says 'Shalu' and grins. Seeing that I was friendly all the girls (ages 7-17) crowded around to touch the visible part of Ziva's head/ forehead. By this time Suresh and my mom had come and were talking to each other in Malayalam. I continued to exchange words with the kids in English and then tired to pull Isaac into the conversation. An older man, probably in his 50's, who was part of the group realizing that my mom and Suresh were speaking in Malayalam came up to my mom and asked her which part of Kerala she was from (in malayalam). Then turning to Suresh and pointing at me he said 'ITHU AITHU STATEEN ANNU' (Which state is she from?).  Poor man made two big blunders
1. He assumed I was not a Malayalee and some foreigner!
2. He assumed Suresh was a Malayalee!!!
Reason for assumption : Baby  Bjorn
Suresh and my mom stare at each other not knowing why he is asking such a strange question. I smile and in my anglicized Malayalam I saw 'Njan Malayalee aanu'. Stunned silence followed by a burst of laughter! Me - very proud of my Malayalam :)

Something electric ... A Birth Story - Ziva Esther Joel

Bringing up Girls: James Dobson Page 3, Paragraph 3, line 2
'..., but I love her like I did when we were first introduced in the delivery room. Something electric occurred between us on that mystical night, and it endures today.'

I cried when I first read this ... It reminded me of holding Ziva for the first time. It reminded me of holding Isaac for the first time. But more Ziva since the book I am reading right now is 'Bringing up Girls' by James Dobson. Thank you Dr. Dobson for that word 'electric'

I am reading this book on the suggestion of good friends Benji and Sonia Arthungal. I have just finished a few pages and already I love it. I know I will read it many times in the years to come. Thanks Sonia and Benji!

When I read the sentence above, I relived the night Ziva was born and I just had to write down her birth story. Birth stories are big in the US. In India no one really talks about labor or the birth much. But I think maybe one day, when Ziva is getting ready to write one herself, she may enjoy reading this one.

It was close to midnight and I was on the computer. I cannot remember exactly what I was doing but I remember something to the effect of exchanging emails with Priya (Kanchan) and Becky (Kurikeshu) about wearing a Saree the following Sunday at church. I was almost positive I would not be wearing a Saree since I was ready to 'pop' and would either be too big to wear a Saree or lying on the bed with a little babe! Check the list of email below ... the last one sent out by me at 11:36 pm August 15 2011. (Ziva was born at 3:59 am August 16th :)). I was sitting on the excercise ball and thinking maybe its time to go to bed and right about midnight I trudged up the steps wondering when my little girl would come.





I had just about gone to sleep when I felt the pain. Not so bad I thought and then a few minutes later yet again and I thought still not so bad. I got up because yet again I needed to use the bathroom and this time a sharper pain. I came back out of the restroom and woke up Suresh. In whispers we spoke to each other not wanting to wake up Isaac who was lying between us. I told him to time me and we held hands. Every time I squeezed his hand he was supposed to note the time and then when I let go tell me how long the pain lasted. After a couple of repetitive pain spasms coming and going and me wondering if Suresh was sleeping, he quietly came close and said ' I think you need to wake Amma - I think this is it! Your pain is 5 mins apart and lasting almost 20 seconds'. (If anyone is wondering if he was accurate well he was since he choose this most opportune moment to download an Android App called 'contraction timer'!!!!!!!)

In the US the rule is Do Not call up your midwife/ doc unless your pain is 5 mins apart and last for 1 minute. So we were definitely on our way. I slipped out of bed and Isaac stirred. I woke Amma and Isaac walked out of the bedroom looking for me. I quietly went down to the living room and started timing myself, while Suresh and Amma desperately tried to put Isaac back to sleep. We called the midwife and I guess because of all the commotion Isaac woke up yet again. Suresh went back up to put him to sleep and Amma waited by me as I tried to ride out spasm after spasm. And then my water broke!

Amma quickly ran up and Suresh came running down to find me on the floor of the bathroom curled up. I told him I had 5 mins before the next one and that we needed to get into the car. As we got into the Mini Cooper and drove. I thanked God for the seat warmer! We were at the light near Howard County Hospital waiting for it to turn green and I remember looking at the watch and seeing the time as 3:20 am. Suresh was getting ready to break the light since it refused to turn green. I on the other hand just wanted to wait there since the stops were much more comfortable then the minor bumps on the roads. We finally drove straight and took a U-turn. We checked into the hospital and as I tried to register and give my insurance card ... I just sat on the wheel chair. Suresh, who had gone to park the car came in and remembers signing in and looking at the time as being 3:29 am.

We were taken up to Labor and Delivery by the ER personnel and I remember telling Suresh 'Please I want the epidural OK' Almost as if to say that if I fainted out of pain they should take in my request of still knocking me out of my pain! You say weird things when you are in pain. As we got our room I kept telling everyone around I wanted an Epidural 'please'. The midwife, Jackie Notes, who was having a busy night came in and examined me and as everyone else kept telling her of my request for an epidural, she simply grinned and said 'Honey - no time for an epidural you are having a baby right now'. I turned to Suresh and said ' I can't do this' and was getting ready to cry when Jackie looked at me and with a stern voice said 'Rohini just listen to me - You can - Listen to me and we will get this done in less than 10 mins. I promise!.' I really didnt believe her at the time but she must be really good at what she does because Ziva was born some 10 mins later! I knew there was a reason I like my midwife group - they were a bunch of stern, strong, no fuss women :). About 8 mins into all the pushing ... Suresh was trying to encourage me with a 'Push push ... blow blow' when Jackie turns to him and says 'Hush! Now Rohini listen to me ... dont listen to anyone take a deep breath and one more push and we are done'
And just like that ... SHE came ... pink and squirmy ... it was an ELECTRIC moment.

The housewife

Definition: A married woman whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework.

So I am listening to a conversation between two men. One - is my husband ... the other is the bank manager from HDFC

Suresh : "So why cannot you insure her"




Manager : "Sir she is a housewife. Per a study blah blah and statistics blah blah ... we insure only the bread winner in the household"

Suresh: " OKKKKK" (Have any of you heard Suresh say OK when he is getting ready to make an argument! It is very long)

Suresh: "She has the capability and qualification to be a bread winner. Tomorrow if she goes out and looks for a job she will make far more than I do right now. I want to insure that capability and qualification of her's - So can you insure her Capability and qualification."

Even though I wanted to knock the manager around a little bit I forgot about it in an instant and my head grew 4 times its size.
Its the moments like these when someone else vouches for you that you feel you can conquer the world!
Its moments like this that I currently live for!
Its moments like this that make the PhD worth it :)

A few Good people - The journey home Part DEUX

I think the media bring us bad news all the time. I remember a friend from our old church say 'There is more good news than the media puts out'.


So in saying the above I must say there are more GOOD people than BAD people ... A few I would like to mention who came out of the blue and helped us during the last few hours in the United States

CARS!

Mitel, Koby and Ziva

First to mention our neighbor Koby. When you first meet Koby and Mitel you instantly fall in love with Mitel. She is a total jabber mouth and has an excellent sense of humor. Koby on the other hand is a quiet aloof kinda guy. So even though Mitel had said that we could ask any help during our last few days in the US, we were a little reluctant since she had left for Israel and we would be going to Koby. Koby had disappeared from the neighborhood since Mitel left for her vacation to Israel (He runs a successful perfume business and was busy with work). However four days before we left and just as our things were being packed, he knocked on the door and ' Hi Siresh you need anything bed pillow etc .. let me know'. The next day we were down to one car which we were selling to Koby anyway and he asked if he could take it for inspection. Suresh and I had been hoping to keep the car till the day we left (HA HA right) and told Koby we had a couple more errands to run. He says 'No Problem take my car' pointing at his BMW SUV... ummmm NO! Koby realizing this says 'Fine take the other Mini van'. We agreed and realized that we could sit only 4 people (we were five) in the Mini Van since the back had been dropped for luggage. Koby says 'Seriously take the BWM'. We actually rode it to Bethesda and forgot to fill gas!
Thanks to Koby we had a car till we rented our cars to Newark Airport!


Didi, Uncle, Aunty and BIRYANI
Didi and Baqir --- Baqir was Isaac's favorite buddy! He still misses him.

I have mentioned our neighbors Uncle, Aunty and Didi in a post previously.(http://momstheword2.blogspot.com/2011/08/neighbors.html)
Didi came to us a few days before we left and said ' We would like to make moving easier for you guys and bring some food over' We said OKand decided on Friday - three days before we left the US. Didi, Uncle and aunty have had a rough year with health issues, job searches and other challenges. We really did not want to trouble them but we said OK anyway. On Friday, after all the movers had left and we were in our house with nothing but a few travel bags and some trash bags Didi came over with a big bowl of steaming hot biryani, raita and wonderful Kheer. It had been a long day for us with the packing and moving and kids crying and adults whining. We could not have asked for a better meal. Thanks Didi for a wonderful meal to remember on the last night in our house in Hanover, MD

Cleaning and Veronica
Camila and Ziva-- sharing nap time

Veronica is our cleaning lady and has been since we moved to Maryland. Every house we moved to in Maryland - we were among other things worried if Veronica would come clean it! She has been a blessing. Interestingly the day Veronica told me she was 3 months pregnant was the day the day I found out that I was pregnant. She came to clean our place till she was 7 months pregnant and the we missed her so much when she didnt come. When we told her we were moving (again - we have moved 3 houses in Maryland) she initially assumed that it was to another place in Maryland and her face fell when she realized we were moving out of the country ... not to come back! Veronica went out of her way to come on Saturday morning (she normally doesn't work the weekends) to clean the house. As she agreed to do this she also requested if she could bring her 3 month old daughter with her. We were very excited to see little Camila. After 3 hours of cleaning ... the landlord found our house spanking clean and returned our deposit back! Thank you Veronica :)

Brother Alex and a ride to an airport
Bro. Alex and Valsa chechy with Isaac and me

This one was the most unexpected of kindness and at the most unexpected and most needful time.
Brother Alex called the morning we were going to drive to Pennsylvannia. We were scrambling around the house cleaning up when he said he would like to stop by and pray with us. We were a little reluctant since we didnt even have a place for him to sit. We were also in a bit of a mess as far as picking up our rental cars from the airport were concerned. We realized that we would have to make two trips to the airport - First I would have to drop Suresh... he would have to pick up one rental car... come home and then drop me back to pick up the second rental! Right when we were debating how to make it less complicated Bro. Alex came. He had initially planned on coming in the afternoon since he would be on his way to church. However we had mentioned we would be in the midst of our final walk-through with our landlord. We didnt expect him to change his plans for us! But he did! And we are very thankful that he did! We got on quick drive to the airport and picked up both cars and were back home in a much less complex manner!

Vasu and airport chaos.
Vasu and Isaac

In our brilliance to avoid asking for help we were going to drive to Newark airport with two kids, two dogs, 11 pieces of luggage and two rental cars. Since we had two kids, two dogs and two cars we would first drop my mom off with two dogs and one kid (Ziva) and 11 pieces of luggage. We would then go drop off the cars at the rental and take the train into the airport. The we had to check in 11 pieces of luggage and two dogs. Mind you the two kids would be with us ad one of them probably running around creating havoc!. Mind you the distance between the airport and the car rental drop off at the Newark airport is about as far as driving to your closest Grocery store! 3 Stops by the airport train ride! Which means my mom was supposed to wait at the airport alone with two dogs and Ziva and a bottle of milk for about 1/2 hr (does not seem that long does it!)
The plan was brilliant and ironed out. I bet they will make Mission Impossible 6 based on this plan of ours!
One stop over at Suresh's Uncle's place saved us a lot of unnecessary stress. Suresh's cousin and I must say wise cousin Vasu. Vasu is Suresh's oldest cousin on his mother's side. There is something about Vasu that makes her seem very modest and nice and yet very sophisticated. She is simple and very lady like - but the thing that makes her very affectionate is that she always calls my mother-in-law -- her second mother. Vasu insisted on coming to the airport with us which was about an hour from her house. She helped us unload (something we had not taken into account). She waited with my mom and Ziva and made an emergency call to us when my mom could not find Ziva's milk bottle. She is a big dog lover and stood by the dog crate petting them and calming two very nervous dogs! I do not think we would have completed the entire check-in process in sanity without her help. Thanks Vasu!

So a few good people ... sent in perfect time to help us.

Hebrews 4:16

16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

A bubble

I live in a little bubble called Ardendale close to Whitefield Bengaluru. Hats off to Suresh for finding this place. Its lovely!

What make Ardendale lovely is not the house really but the surrounding greenery. There are little shurbs and trees along the road and along each house. There is a little park where Isaac loves to swing and jump and sit in the sand. Ziva watches him closely as he goes busily from one activity to the next. His favorite though is definitely his sand toys and the sand.

But outside this bubble of mine is a different world. There is a small village right outside the gates of Ardendale. If you walk out in Capris you get teased by ... not boys ... but college girls. I got the comment of ' SUPERRR' when I walked out with Ziva in her Baby Bjorn and Isaac on his stroller. I asked for it since I had my sunglasses on and was wearing Capris! Not the best way to fit in. The village has a little bakery with sweet bread. It has a small cauliflower farm and a ton of other vegetables. Every morning a lady walks by our house selling fresh veggies, coriander and mint which seems like she just harvested!

Last Saturday as I walked to the tiny bakery I saw little boys dressed up in white for school... Little boys with no shoes happily walking in the slushy road. I wish I had a camera but I dont think I want to walk around with Suresh's big fat SLR ... so you may have to wait a bit before I get some pictures.

Isaac's favorite thing outside the gates of Ardendale are the goats and cows tied up for their meals :)

I love it so far!

Ziva and Bunny ---------- Yuvali's bunny!

Dear Ziva .... one day I will tell you of a little girl called Yuvali.
Dear Ziva ... one day when we play with bunny .... I will remind you of 3 year old Yuvali
Dear Ziva ... one day when you refuse to share ... We will reflect on Yuvali.
Dear Ziva ... one day you will learn to give as Yuvali did. Oh yes and give she did!

She gave to you her favorite bunny! Her bunny that comforted her and slept with her. Her bunny that she loved so much she gave to you because you were a baby and she wasnt anymore.
Dear Ziva one day we will learn to give like Yuvali!