The odd couple

I’m a believer - Monkees

I thought love was only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else but not for me.
Love was out to get me
That's the way it seemed.
Disappointment haunted all my dreams.

Then I saw his face, now I'm a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind.
I'm in love, I'm a believer!
I couldn't leave him if I tried.

That’s what I call Suresh and me. We are definitely the odd couple. Why do I say that because we are poles apart.

He is calm and composed. I am irrational.

His idea of a vacation is museum hopping in London. Mine is a book … a beach and nothing to do!

He loves traveling. I wouldn’t care going more than a few miles away from home.

He likes short stories. I like big fat multiple chapter books. (I haven’t read one in ages!)

He loves animals. I would rather have a stuffed toy!

We recently celebrated 8 years of marriage. Seems like a long time – 8. But then you meet people who have been married 18 and 50 years and you think – Wow – we’re young!

It seems like a good time to think back on how we met … what made us think we would be able to live together … and how we survived the past 8 years.

Suresh and I met on August 16 2000 (We argue about the date – but I am pretty sure I am correct – ok Maybe it was the August 17 2000).

First impression: I thought he was a geek. Reason he was dropped off by his uncle and he just had the look of GEEK stamped on his face.

He thought I was his soon to be roommate’s girlfriend. Reason: his roommate had picked me up from the airport and I was hanging out at their place.

Second impression: He thought I was a snob because I refused to smile at him at the International student orientation.

I thought: what a typical desi – since he was very late for the orientation. (Suresh ... Late ... Yikes!)

Third impression: I thought: The geek is sitting across me at the Graduate Student Orientation … when I hear ‘Yuck’ and a burger flung back on his plate. ‘This thing is tasteless!’ Little did I know that I would have to endure the next 10 years walking around with Sirachi sauce in my purse!

He says: ‘Are you Christian? Where are you going to Church tomorrow?’ (I call that his pick up line!)

We met the next day and walked all up and down Franklin Street because there were a gazillion churches in that small little neighborhood. We became the best of pals for the next 6 months. We attended Physiology and Signal processing class together. Imitated our professors. Studied together. Spent hours over frustrating homework.

And then sometime after that … We knew! It is good to be married to my best pal. It is also annoying sometimes since he still smacks me on my head in public – lovingly of course – but still!

So why do I bring this up now. We have recently started a couples/young families gathering at our fellowship. It is a good time of fellowship and fun. But for me personally it is a time to visit my relationship with my husband. I have seen many troubled martial relationships in close view. And just because ours in a ‘Love Marriage’ (as Indian aunties and uncles will ostracize) it is not free from issues. The devil creeps into a marriage without you even realizing. But for that reason it is good that the person I go to – to shed my tears about my husband is my best friend – i.e. my husband.

The last couple’s meeting we had on January 22^nd was very important to me. Not because of what was said at the meeting. But because of the conversation after the meeting in the car that Suresh and I had. The meeting was about the husband’s responsibility to love his wife unconditionally and the wife’s responsibility to submit to her husband. There was something said at the meeting that made me uncomfortable. I did not pick it up to discuss there. But as we got into the car and were driving away I spoke to Suresh and he immediately said ‘I knew you would be thinking about this!’ It is annoying to have a husband who can practically read your mind (annoying in a good way). So I asked him ‘Am I not submitting to you by making these choices?’

Suresh’s answer blew me away ‘Submission for a wife is difficult when the husband does not love her unconditionally. When he does love her unconditionally submission is not longer an issue!’ It is so true – My personality shows very strong traits of stubbornness and adamancy. Like most people I like to have my way! But listening to Suresh and doing as he says has never been hard for me. I guess unconditional love and submission are like a vicious circle. i.e a husband who feels his wife is not submissive does not love her unconditionally. Similarly a wife who feels like her husband does not love her is not being submissive.

As I was writing this note I was thinking of moments in my life where I have been submissive and where Suresh has shown unconditional love. One example each --

Suresh showed unconditional love when he left his perfectly wonderful (and I must say well paying) job at Richmond picked up and followed me to Maryland because he thought the move was good for my career.

My submission. His name is Danny and he is our 5 and half year old dog who I am still learning to love! I am not a big animal person. But I am learning they aren’t so bad! (Deep breath – For Suresh!)

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away