We all know the famous Indian family planning triangle. But we don't always see the story past the triangle. In the middle of getting from HUM do -- TO --- HAMARE do ..... HUM DO gets lost!
While most of the time I dont mind demonizing my DH (dear husband)... in this blog he is the victim! He has endured a lot in my journey to motherhood. Starting with all the fertility tests and the treatment, to a wife who would cry at the sight of a pregnant woman or a baby on TV!
And at the end of those those rough years ... when the little one arrived ... I completely ignored my DH for a long time. (sometimes I still do)
The reason for this blog is all the things I know I want to do differently to ensure the HUM DO will be strong and survive the rough years when 'HUMARE DO' will become troublesome tens ...terrible teens ... and then leave the nest. As a couple we do need the 'US' time. But in this crazy world of meetings, office, church, hobbies and extra-curricular activities, that time is so hard to come by.
And then there is this 'DO' cute factor. And as cute and cuddly as they might be they will interrupt and definitely be part of every conversation between ME and DH. We now have to tell Ziva to stop talking so Suresh and I can have a conversation. But there is definitely more than just a conversation needed between the HUM DO. In a household where parents show affection and love, children grow up knowing the importance of togetherness and comfort found in the security of their home.
Here are some things I definitely plan on implementing as the next 5-year plan in our household.
While most of the time I dont mind demonizing my DH (dear husband)... in this blog he is the victim! He has endured a lot in my journey to motherhood. Starting with all the fertility tests and the treatment, to a wife who would cry at the sight of a pregnant woman or a baby on TV!
And at the end of those those rough years ... when the little one arrived ... I completely ignored my DH for a long time. (sometimes I still do)
The reason for this blog is all the things I know I want to do differently to ensure the HUM DO will be strong and survive the rough years when 'HUMARE DO' will become troublesome tens ...terrible teens ... and then leave the nest. As a couple we do need the 'US' time. But in this crazy world of meetings, office, church, hobbies and extra-curricular activities, that time is so hard to come by.
And then there is this 'DO' cute factor. And as cute and cuddly as they might be they will interrupt and definitely be part of every conversation between ME and DH. We now have to tell Ziva to stop talking so Suresh and I can have a conversation. But there is definitely more than just a conversation needed between the HUM DO. In a household where parents show affection and love, children grow up knowing the importance of togetherness and comfort found in the security of their home.
Here are some things I definitely plan on implementing as the next 5-year plan in our household.
Goodbye… Hello…Goodnight:
Right now it seems like every time DH is leaving for work, I am searching for something. Every time he returns I am either grumpy or getting ready to get grumpy. SMILE! Remember the old movies with the heroine with the flowers on her head waving goodbye to her husband at the door or opening the door with a big smile ... well ... yea ... that's not going to be me. But I definitely will be at the door with a smile! I am going to put down whatever I am going and take those 5 minutes to wave goodbye. I do know that Ziva and Isaac are watching and while I am not doing this for them, if I do not do this simple gesture, years later they will reflect these emotions of indifference some where.
Dancing:
During our years before the kids were born and before I was moping at the thought of infertility, Suresh and I would dance a lot. We loved learning new styles of dancing. We learned to 'swing' and 'jive'. There is something about dancing that strikes a common cord between us and its time to revive it! The problem is Isaac does not like us dancing! Actually he specifically does not enjoy me dancing. I guess the 5 year old is going to have to deal with the joy that dancing is going to bring to mom and dad!
Getting out and painting the town:
Right now it seems like every time DH is leaving for work, I am searching for something. Every time he returns I am either grumpy or getting ready to get grumpy. SMILE! Remember the old movies with the heroine with the flowers on her head waving goodbye to her husband at the door or opening the door with a big smile ... well ... yea ... that's not going to be me. But I definitely will be at the door with a smile! I am going to put down whatever I am going and take those 5 minutes to wave goodbye. I do know that Ziva and Isaac are watching and while I am not doing this for them, if I do not do this simple gesture, years later they will reflect these emotions of indifference some where.
Dancing:
During our years before the kids were born and before I was moping at the thought of infertility, Suresh and I would dance a lot. We loved learning new styles of dancing. We learned to 'swing' and 'jive'. There is something about dancing that strikes a common cord between us and its time to revive it! The problem is Isaac does not like us dancing! Actually he specifically does not enjoy me dancing. I guess the 5 year old is going to have to deal with the joy that dancing is going to bring to mom and dad!
Getting out and painting the town:
This is the hardest right now because painting the town is usually something you do when you get to go out at night. Date night's are a thing of the past. But we would occasionally go out for lunch dates till I got tired of fighting the traffic to get to any restaurant half decent. But I think I am going to forget about the half decent restaurant and just go to the next A2B in the vicinity. After all its not about getting cozy. Its about getting out and being with each other. I do not think I can sell the A2B idea to Suresh but he may buy the 'lets just go eat some bhel puri togther' idea!
That's what moms are for!
That's what moms are for!
I am not comfortable leaving the kids with friends. Actually my mom is the only person I am comfortable leaving my kids with in the late evenings. I know the next time she is around I am going to ask her for the gigantic favor of watching the kids while Suresh and I head out. I remember about 2 years ago when Ziva was about a two years old, Suresh and I had to leave for a late night party. As we left the kids with my mom and went it was the least guilty I have ever felt about leaving them alone. The best part... Isaac and Ziva had a ball with Ammachi!
Time for change: When we get married we promise that its for better or worse. But sometimes in the midst of the diaper changes and the potty training we forget the the better and worse of the other persons life may come from all directions. Especially since DH goes out for work, I dont connect on that aspect. Before the HUMARE DO ... we would talk about all things work. The papers we were writing ... the protocols we were working on ... the annual review coming up.
But now it seems like the minute DH walks in my conversation starts like this ' You know who pooped in her pants' or 'You know who threw up in the living room!'. Yes exactly the thing my tired, exhausted DH wants to hear. Its time for a change in the conversation. Its time to ask about the stress at work and not just ask but listen to the story. Its time to listen to the work politics and dynamics. Its time!
Time for change: When we get married we promise that its for better or worse. But sometimes in the midst of the diaper changes and the potty training we forget the the better and worse of the other persons life may come from all directions. Especially since DH goes out for work, I dont connect on that aspect. Before the HUMARE DO ... we would talk about all things work. The papers we were writing ... the protocols we were working on ... the annual review coming up.
But now it seems like the minute DH walks in my conversation starts like this ' You know who pooped in her pants' or 'You know who threw up in the living room!'. Yes exactly the thing my tired, exhausted DH wants to hear. Its time for a change in the conversation. Its time to ask about the stress at work and not just ask but listen to the story. Its time to listen to the work politics and dynamics. Its time!
I am among those the believe that a child strengthens a marriage. While having a baby may strengthen a marriage, it also comes with its own set of adjustments. So make the time to ‘be’ with your spouse and keep the ‘quality’ of your relationship intact with some ‘quality’ US time. Quality time together does not have to be expensive.
- It could involved just opening the door and stepping into the balcony with a hot cup of tea or chocolate
- It could a meal on the floor in the terrace under the stars
- It could involved just opening the door and stepping into the balcony with a hot cup of tea or chocolate
- It could a meal on the floor in the terrace under the stars
- It could be a game of scrabble (I love this one because Suresh lets me win!)
- It could dancing to music when the kids go out to play!
The more I can do these simple things, the more I know Isaac and Ziva will realize how important DH is to me and me to him. A good lesson right at home on the importance of marriage and the joy in a lasting relationship.
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