Things I love about US

This country has been good to us... We have been here since August 2000 and now 11 years later I can still say ... this country has been good to us. There are countless people who struggle here. Getting PhD's ... Getting scholarships ... Getting jobs ... Getting visas ... Getting green cards... But God has been good and so we have gone through these 11 years seamlessly.

I am going to miss the United States and here are some of the specific things I am going to miss.

The public library: I used to go to one in Richmond ... but did not read many books there ... what with trying to get a PhD and complete my residency. But when I walked in to the Children's Board Book section at the Anne Arundel Public library ... I fell in love with the place. I would love to open my own 'public' library with only Children's books ... and Story time by yours truly!




Roads: This is more Suresh's thing to miss. But I like to think that this blog 'Dayenu' is shared by the both of us. We love the roads. We love the order on the roads and we love how long our tires last... till of course a few rough patches in Baltimore. But we still love the roads in the United States.



Public display of affection! (PDA): I am not talking about hugging and kissing on the roadside! But here is a specific situation ... Your hubby arrives home after a week long conference and you drive to the airport to meet him. It is so nice that in this country I can open my car door and before worrying about putting in the luggage ... I can give him a big hug (totally taboo in India) and get a peck on my forehead (Suresh and I are far too coy to go further than that)



Work flexibility: I love my job ... I cannot believe that after 11 years I will be sitting at home. I am looking forward to a break. I love the work involved. I love that I can go and come at odd times.. I love that I can call in sick or just take a personal day and not have to make up tall tales. I love the people I have worked with and I love the machines I have worked with. I will miss you medical physics and radiation oncology ... sorry ... I have a calling for motherhood right now!



Sushi: I have eaten sushi in Korea ... but I have learnt to love it here in the US. My buddy Ron Broman (from VCU) and I used to keep Friday afternoon lunches especially to take walk to Hana Sushi on Cary street in downtown Richmond. I forced him to try the sushi and he got me hooked on to Sashimi. YUMMMM




Compassion: This is based on our experience last July. I always am aware of the fact that Medicine and Medical Care is a business. I have seen and heard a lot about 'running' a department. However in the midst of running this business I have seen and felt compassion in the many doctors I have interacted with here in the US. I have also felt the lack of 'heart' in dealing with 'Indian' doctors. In August 2009 - when my mother -in - law was diagnosed with cancer and set up for emergency surgery here - the amount of attention we got was unbelievable. You would think that you were the only patient in the whole hospital. As surgeons, GI specialist and other house doctors visited our room you could feel the compassion. No one ever told Amma that she was feeling too much pain or that she was fussing or that she asked too many questions or that she was taking too much of their time! No one thought her questions were unwarranted or that her fears were uncalled. No one made fun of her pain or ridiculed our (Suresh and my) concerns. I know with all the insurance issues the US has its own set of problems. But I would gladly given in to that for a few seconds of compassion from an Indian doctor. I think US physicians should set up a 101 course on how to feel your patients pain! The Indian medical industry is definitely my biggest fear!



More things I will miss coming up...
Cabins - blue ridge mountain inn

Shenandoah valley

James river

Meeting people from all over the world!

Neighbors

Suresh and I are relatively quiet people. We are not really social and in the past 11 years have rarely gotten to know our neighbors. There was the usual hello ... and hi... when we saw them in close quarters. But that was it. However this time on Pangbourne street we have had a wonderful experience. I think we can thank Isaac for it. He is such a smarty pants that even when he didnt speak he attracted enough attention that people spoke to us. Now that he speaks ... there is no stopping who he talks to .. People on the road.. animals .. plants etc.

We have two neighbors that we have gotten really close to and are enjoying their company.



The first is a family three doors on our left. This is a family from Israel with two very cute girls ages 4 and 2.5. Roni and Yuvali have become the delight of our day. When we see them .. its not just Isaac's face that brightens up but ours too. The very first question that comes from their mouth is "Isaac's mommy - Can Isaac come to my house?" Note: They always ask for permission. Whether is it coming to our house or going to theirs. Parents Coby (Short for Yacoub) and Meital have done an excellent job of making the girls listen to them .. pay attention and obey. Disobedience is met with a series of sentences in Hebrew with no change in tone (i.e. no yelling) which we do not understand but can realize that the girls know the consequence of their actions will not go unnoticed. In the midst of several trips to their house and our house, we have learnt a lot about their culture and traditions. We have learnt a lot about raising children (especially potty training) without it being given as advise ... rather general conversation.




A few birthday parties ... dinners... snacks ... park visits and pool time later and now we are close enough that Meital tells me that she once didnt like Indians because they haggled too much :). (Coby and Meital own a few perfume stores at the mall). I told her it was trade mark Indian behavior. She has changed our mind since she met us though (it seems like it!). I on the other hand have learnt a few words in Hebrew. Yareh-ach (moon). Hatoul (cat). As most kids do, Roni and Yuvali eat very well when they come to our place and Isaac simply loves the food that Meital cooks. We are seriously considering an exchange scheme!



The second family is right next door on the right. This is an Indian family consisting of an older uncle (~70) with his wife and daughter. Uncle, Aunty and Didi (older sister) as we have fondly named them. The first time in the day you see Uncle is early in the morning when he comes out to feed the birds. If Isaac catches the time correct and is standing at the window, he will carefully watch Uncle sift through the food and feed the outside birds before taking a share in for his parakeets. Isaac's favorite thing to do is to go watch the Parakeets in their cage and call out their pretty colors. Uncle's current mission in life is to make Isaac a pakka (typical) boy. The last time we went there he was telling Isaac about breaking street light bulbs with stones. Luckily Isaac does not totally understand him. The only thing that aunty desires to do is hug and kiss Isaac and the brat that he is ... he wriggles out of her hands to run to the birds. Didi manages to catch him and shower him with a lot of affection. I enjoy seeing this ... because I miss Isaac not having an aunt around in close quarters and having Didi sometimes fills that void.



Its nice to have friendly people who you can laugh and talk to --- who you can pray for with a genuine heart and who you can thank god for bringing into your life!

Crazy

There are a millions of reasons that Suresh and I can think of for why we want to go back to India ... A few of them realistic... a few practical .. a few emotional and then a few just simply crazy ... I have listed out a few of the crazy ones below

Reason 99: Bai (maid)

Reason 109: The ironing person (Dhobi)

Reason 219: Snacks ...Samosas ... wada pav ... bhel puri ... pav bhaji... each for a $1 maybe less?

Reason 322: Train travel ... cheap train travel.

Reason 416: Chauffeur

Reason 555: Food (wonderful food .. glorious food - credit from Ice Age)

Reason 628: NO snow ... it is absolutely crazy since I love snow. But after Isaac had 4 ear infections back to back this year and I blame it on the winter, I am looking forward to NO snow.

Reason 656:Cotton clothes!

Reason 675: Family tours ...This is both emotional and crazy... emotional because its family.... Crazy ... because in my experience all our family tours end up with exhausted members .. and a few fights/disagreements! Still fun!


Coming next.... Things I am going to miss in the US.

Suresh's New Toy

So Suresh got himself a new toy. Normally I would be a little mad about the price of the toy. But this time I am very proud of hubby dear. Not because the price was good or the product was good. Rather because of the time he waited and the reason he waited.

Suresh and I went through a Dave Ramsey course on Financial Peace (http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/ictid/lmbb_FPU/) about 2 years ago through our church. I really liked it. I would not say I am an avid follower or Dave Ramsey is 'the' man but there were things we learnt that if followed definitely will help giving Financial peace. He also has a biblical spin on things starting with generous giving and even talking about not being in debt! (Pslam 37:21)

While we were not in any serious debt... following some tips from the class we paid off our cars ... a mortgage in India and were to a certain extent debt free. But I have seen a lot of people go for classes/ counseling (marriage... financial... and others) and then conveniently forget about it or not follow rules. I thought the same would happen to us. Come two years we would be back where we started. Especially in some of the smaller stuff like controlled buying or buying new cars because we had no car payments.

This toy purchase of Suresh's is an indication that we have not yet forgotten! Suresh bought a D7000 Nikon after much thought and waiting. We have a Fuji (8 years old) that works perfectly well .. click pictures, takes videos and performs normal camera functions. Suresh has desired to have a SLR camera since Isaac got into motion. However he patiently waited. Once or or twice he mentioned that the videos we took were not of great quality and that an SLR would be nicer. Then he would correct himself saying we had a video camera (a Panasonic miniDV) that we never used and sat back on the idea of an SLR. About a month ago, during basement clean up I discovered the Panasonic sitting sad in a little bag and asked Suresh if I could sell it.(another Dave Ramsey tip ..not exactly but inferred by us). Suresh gave me the Ok and we got a buyer on Craigslist. It wasn't a whole lot but when the buyer left I passed the money over to Suresh and said " Here put this towards the Nikon buy" A month goes by and no Nikon in sight.. I finally say "Get the camera please"

He has spent the past 5 hours clicking pictures of Isaac (in motion) and blinding the rest of us!

I hope one day to teach Isaac some of these valuable lessons about being moderate and thrifty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rO35dhxNjYI

I am not sure how long Financial peace will last or how long we can follow biblical principles to stay debt free ... but for right now I am enjoying it.

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

I actually disagree with the above statement.... I think there is everything in a name... Because when I just hear the word 'rose' ... I can smell its sweetness

We (Suresh and I) have reached a season in our lives where we are yet again at a point of name squabbling. Suresh has graciously and like a true gentleman put down his sword and said ..'Its pointless ... Rohini's choice is going to prevail!' ... Either he has given up on me or he totally loves how Isaac's name matches his personality. And how the sound of the name Isaac makes us both 'laugh'. {Isaac - Hebrew for Laughter}

Time for a flash back. Also a good note for Isaac to read years down the line on how we came up with 'Isaac George Joel'.

Isaac was born to us after 6.5 years of marriage. I had given up. I thought I would never bear a child. I was ok with the thought of it. When lo and behold we are blessed. We were blessed not just to conceive a child ... but an awesome pregnancy.

I remember the days of squabbling with Suresh. In his mind he had the name 'Jacob' and of course the first thought that goes across my mind is 'deceiver'? Of course Jacob redeems himself as you keep reading the old testament. But still. I had two names in my mind 'Samuel' and 'Isaac'. Both were born to parents after a long wait. Both were born to mothers who had spent a great deal of time crying for them. Samuel was thrown out of the window, I cannot remember why now. And so we were left with Isaac and Jacob. Father and son :)

We came home one day after church and I remember someone at church had mentioned that my son would be exactly like my father-in-law. We had recently lost my dad-in-law and though we do not believe in reincarnation... someone had been silly enough to say something like that. Now do not get me wrong, I love my dad-in-law... but I had also lost my father recently and girls are always daddy's little girls and so I was thinking... well why not have some of my dad's characteristics ... after all gene-wise ... it comes from both sides. I came home and was probably so hormonal that I started crying... In the midst of tears I told Suresh I wanted my dad's name as part of my son's name and I wanted his dads name too. And then in the midst of this unseasonal shower of tears .. I asked him what was wrong with the name Isaac. The poor dude was caught so off guard that he didn't see it all coming!

And so it came to be Isaac George (After my dad) Joel (after Suresh's dad). Isaac is true to his name. He is currently going through his shy phase where he take a while to warm up to a stranger. But on the whole, he brings laughter to us. He never wakes up crying. In fact there are days that through the baby monitor we hear him whispering to himself when he wakes up... but no cries. I remember when we went to India at age 4 months for Isaac, my sister picked him up once and said 'Look at this boy ... true to his name' and he had the cutest grin on his face. He is now showing some amount of stubborn behavior which could be one of three things

1. Age

2. Grandpa Joel and George or

3. Mom and dad

We are thankful to God for blessing us with laughter and now blessing us again.

Time to put on the armor to fight Suresh for the name!

Its all in the name!

A Flurry of Words

A - B - C - D - E - F - G
H - I - J - K - L - M - N - O - P
Q - R - S - T - U and V,
W - X - Y and Z
Now I know my A - B - C's
Next time won't you sing with me?

My boy is now 16 months. And he shows off all his 16 months.
At 12 months the only word he said was ‘balla’ – which meant Ball. His favorite thing in the world! Anything round was meant to be thrown in hopes it would bounce back or kicked in hopes it won't hurt his leg!

And then suddenly one day – it all just came out --- so many words … so much talking.
He now recognizes a lot of animals and can say the name of most common wild and domestic animals. Titer= tiger … hipp=Hippo .. hoose=horse … quack=duck … birth=bird. But the best one is Golla=gorilla. He loves his golla, that now takes a bath with him.

If you ask him ‘Whats your name?’ he has a broad grin and taps his chest with a proud ‘Ittach’.

He recognizes and names body parts and they sound so cute. Nsss= Nose … iys=Eyes …tteeh =teeth …toss=toes. If I ask him ‘Isaac where are your cheeks?’ he uses it as an opportunity to pinch mine with a chickss. He chooses the moment we are rocking him to sleep to identify our iys and nsss! If I say ‘Isaac where’s your bumboos’ He taps his tushy with both hands and says bumboo.

He loves his vegetables and has learnt to ask for them by name brocco =broccoli, mussshoom=mushroom, toyoto=tomato. Anything on the stovetop is patta=pasta which he loves eating. It could be rice or noodles or pasta. He calls all of them pasta and is happy to gobble them down. He has a new found love called dosa and much like his dad loves eating dosa with podi (spicy dal mixed with gingely oil).

He is learning that repeating what we say makes us laugh and he loves to make us laugh. We have been telling him to ‘go back’ from the TV and he now repeats gobak… gobak. He loves going to the basement to play on his Appa’s keyboard and will let you know his interest godumm = go down. I called him a drama king the other day and he instantly said dama.

The first thing he asks for in the morning is chocco=chocolate milk. In 5 seconds he gets distracted by the cereal box (seerea in his vocabulary) in the pantry and the next thing you know he is picking up cranberry (canbeee) and gobbling them down moving away the cereal.

The most exciting part of his day is watching the kids get on the school bus. There are three buses that come close by where we live. Each time we say ‘Isaac, school bus’ … he runs to the window (he now knows which one gives him the best view of the blinking lights) while repeating koobus.

He hates us brushing his teeth. But give it into his hand and he knows exactly what to do with it and enjoys it. Toobush=toothbrush




Suresh mentions a poem in Tamil (by an ancient poet) his dad liked a lot that goes something like this
Kuzhal inidhu {The flute is sweet}
Yaazh inidhu {The veena is Sweet}
Enbar .. { So they say}
Tham makkal {Their children’s}
Mazhalaichchol {Sweet talk … broken talk}
Kelaa thavar {Who have not heard}

Translation
Speaking of the sound of flute and the harp as sweet tones are people who have not heard their little children’s prattle or lisping.


Proverbs 22:6 (King James Version)
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

The odd couple

I’m a believer - Monkees

I thought love was only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else but not for me.
Love was out to get me
That's the way it seemed.
Disappointment haunted all my dreams.

Then I saw his face, now I'm a believer
Not a trace of doubt in my mind.
I'm in love, I'm a believer!
I couldn't leave him if I tried.

That’s what I call Suresh and me. We are definitely the odd couple. Why do I say that because we are poles apart.

He is calm and composed. I am irrational.

His idea of a vacation is museum hopping in London. Mine is a book … a beach and nothing to do!

He loves traveling. I wouldn’t care going more than a few miles away from home.

He likes short stories. I like big fat multiple chapter books. (I haven’t read one in ages!)

He loves animals. I would rather have a stuffed toy!

We recently celebrated 8 years of marriage. Seems like a long time – 8. But then you meet people who have been married 18 and 50 years and you think – Wow – we’re young!

It seems like a good time to think back on how we met … what made us think we would be able to live together … and how we survived the past 8 years.

Suresh and I met on August 16 2000 (We argue about the date – but I am pretty sure I am correct – ok Maybe it was the August 17 2000).

First impression: I thought he was a geek. Reason he was dropped off by his uncle and he just had the look of GEEK stamped on his face.

He thought I was his soon to be roommate’s girlfriend. Reason: his roommate had picked me up from the airport and I was hanging out at their place.

Second impression: He thought I was a snob because I refused to smile at him at the International student orientation.

I thought: what a typical desi – since he was very late for the orientation. (Suresh ... Late ... Yikes!)

Third impression: I thought: The geek is sitting across me at the Graduate Student Orientation … when I hear ‘Yuck’ and a burger flung back on his plate. ‘This thing is tasteless!’ Little did I know that I would have to endure the next 10 years walking around with Sirachi sauce in my purse!

He says: ‘Are you Christian? Where are you going to Church tomorrow?’ (I call that his pick up line!)

We met the next day and walked all up and down Franklin Street because there were a gazillion churches in that small little neighborhood. We became the best of pals for the next 6 months. We attended Physiology and Signal processing class together. Imitated our professors. Studied together. Spent hours over frustrating homework.

And then sometime after that … We knew! It is good to be married to my best pal. It is also annoying sometimes since he still smacks me on my head in public – lovingly of course – but still!

So why do I bring this up now. We have recently started a couples/young families gathering at our fellowship. It is a good time of fellowship and fun. But for me personally it is a time to visit my relationship with my husband. I have seen many troubled martial relationships in close view. And just because ours in a ‘Love Marriage’ (as Indian aunties and uncles will ostracize) it is not free from issues. The devil creeps into a marriage without you even realizing. But for that reason it is good that the person I go to – to shed my tears about my husband is my best friend – i.e. my husband.

The last couple’s meeting we had on January 22^nd was very important to me. Not because of what was said at the meeting. But because of the conversation after the meeting in the car that Suresh and I had. The meeting was about the husband’s responsibility to love his wife unconditionally and the wife’s responsibility to submit to her husband. There was something said at the meeting that made me uncomfortable. I did not pick it up to discuss there. But as we got into the car and were driving away I spoke to Suresh and he immediately said ‘I knew you would be thinking about this!’ It is annoying to have a husband who can practically read your mind (annoying in a good way). So I asked him ‘Am I not submitting to you by making these choices?’

Suresh’s answer blew me away ‘Submission for a wife is difficult when the husband does not love her unconditionally. When he does love her unconditionally submission is not longer an issue!’ It is so true – My personality shows very strong traits of stubbornness and adamancy. Like most people I like to have my way! But listening to Suresh and doing as he says has never been hard for me. I guess unconditional love and submission are like a vicious circle. i.e a husband who feels his wife is not submissive does not love her unconditionally. Similarly a wife who feels like her husband does not love her is not being submissive.

As I was writing this note I was thinking of moments in my life where I have been submissive and where Suresh has shown unconditional love. One example each --

Suresh showed unconditional love when he left his perfectly wonderful (and I must say well paying) job at Richmond picked up and followed me to Maryland because he thought the move was good for my career.

My submission. His name is Danny and he is our 5 and half year old dog who I am still learning to love! I am not a big animal person. But I am learning they aren’t so bad! (Deep breath – For Suresh!)

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away