Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Why I write?

I always wondered how I started writing my blog. What caused me to start? More importantly why I never did it for the first 32 years of my life! And then suddenly it all came flowing out ... the humor ... the sarcasm ... the stories...TMI

A friend recently started blogging and she said she was inspired by my blogs. Definitely a feather on my hat. And while I was sitting in seventh heaven enjoying those moments of glory, I read her blog. She had poured out her heart into the lines of that first blog.

I realised what it was that had caused me to start blogging. Healing!
While many may enjoy talking to folks as a method of healing and others may go to a counselor and still other immerse themselves into work, I realized my blogs were self-healing for me. The moment I wrote it out and read it ... there was a sense of --- it's complete.
I dont even know if this makes sense. Who would think publicly telling/writing family stories would help anyone.  And while I tell my tales, I speak the truth with a twist of humor and fun ... making everything sound light. At least that is what I attempt to do.
Talking about tales and stories, a recent workshop with 'Kathalaya - Academy of storytelling' also revealed to me how storytelling was a great form of healing.

It was then that I realised why I write. Talking about me, sharing my challenges, boasting about my success over this interface where I never really see my reader or their expression gives me an intimacy with this blank paper and none with the actual person on the other end. And yet when people read, like and comment on my blogs it feels like a burden is lifted off.  Sometimes I look at the stats on Blogspot and realize that someone in Russia is reading. I really do not have any friends or acquaintances in Russia and the sense of anonymity of my reader adds in a twist of mystery. When I see that my blog about parenting has been clicked on I wonder what that other mother/father is feeling that they decided to click on my vague blog. I wonder whether they too have experienced the same kind of things. And then I realize what people mean when they say ... 'Everyone goes through it!' I do not like that statement by the way 'Everyone goes through it.!' No! my challenges, my problems and my feelings are only mine ... no one else goes through it. And my problems are the biggest because they are mine.

When you tell someone that their problems/success are also felt by others, you underestimate the level of sorrow/ joy they feel.  Whenever I have heard that I feel like ... am I overreacting to something that all feel. I feel judged and that's another reason I write... this blank white piece of screen that looks at my face ... never tells me to stop writing. It never tells me that the whole world had already read what I am about to write.

And that's why I write.

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