I have been noticing for a while now ... maybe a year or two ... that Isaac does not like it when Suresh and I hug. If he catches us hugging he will immediately push us away or make some kind of whining noise. At first I thought it was cute. He is jealous. But now I am thinking of all the strange cultural taboos India has and wondering if I should make and effort to show my 5 year old that it is OK to hug.
I saw this particular post on Facebook of 'Ironies in India' and this particular one make me realize how we live in a world that is all about 'Dirty minds!' The tag line was
'Its OK to PISS in public ... but its NOT OK to KISS in public'
I keep thinking the next generation will be different. But I still see couples meeting under flyovers quietly having conversation because of either fear of the society or their family. I wonder if the problem is the society or the family. I think both should take equal responsibility.
So how can I encourage my children to realize that is OK to hug someone! It does not mean you are having an affair with the person or that you are hitting on them. How can I teach my children that there is such a thing as a healthy relation between a man and woman and everything does not end in the bedroom. How can I teach my children that there is special intimacy in the relationship between a man and woman after marriage that makes hugs healthy after marriage.
I guess I can start with hugging. I feel in the US whenever Suresh and I went for a walk we held hands. Here its seems like I think twice. So I have it in my head that PDA is not acceptable. Throw out the thought that I really do not care and maybe my children will learn about healthy relations from me and their father than the silly movies on Bollywood channels.
Someone was talking about counselling the younger generation and mentioned that the reason there were so many issues in society was because no one ever spoke about a healthy relation. Everything was behind the bedroom doors or in case of the unwed in hiding.
This brings up another point. Love! While Suresh and I openly fight, (well argue really loudly) I feel we show affection less often and this means my child is going to think marriage is about fighting. Similarly with my relation with my sibling/cousins. If I only have causal conversation with my cousins, that is all my child will understand of my relation with them. But if I hug them when they walk in and when I say goodbye, my children will imitate that affection to each other and also feel the bond I have with my cousins and thereby naturally develop and affection.
I have started taking the whole public display of affection to another level with hugs. Every time I have Isaac or Ziva say sorry to each other I always have them follow it with a hug. Maybe right now it may seem like a superficial thing ... but I hope eventually it will rub in as a healthy way to apologize and feel the apology. I also get them to hug other kids who come to visit us. Its becoming such that now if Ziva cries, Isaac will scream sorry a couple times and then squeeze her real hard. Now exactly they way I want things to go ... but we are working on it!
Guilty as charged : A young friend of mine recently changed to his profile picture to some friend (girl) of his and I asked him who it was and he said 'just a friend'. I cross-examined him a bit and I was convinced it was 'just' a friend ... but my annoying questions caused him to change his profile picture. I guess Guilty as charged!
I saw this particular post on Facebook of 'Ironies in India' and this particular one make me realize how we live in a world that is all about 'Dirty minds!' The tag line was
'Its OK to PISS in public ... but its NOT OK to KISS in public'
I keep thinking the next generation will be different. But I still see couples meeting under flyovers quietly having conversation because of either fear of the society or their family. I wonder if the problem is the society or the family. I think both should take equal responsibility.
So how can I encourage my children to realize that is OK to hug someone! It does not mean you are having an affair with the person or that you are hitting on them. How can I teach my children that there is such a thing as a healthy relation between a man and woman and everything does not end in the bedroom. How can I teach my children that there is special intimacy in the relationship between a man and woman after marriage that makes hugs healthy after marriage.
I guess I can start with hugging. I feel in the US whenever Suresh and I went for a walk we held hands. Here its seems like I think twice. So I have it in my head that PDA is not acceptable. Throw out the thought that I really do not care and maybe my children will learn about healthy relations from me and their father than the silly movies on Bollywood channels.
Someone was talking about counselling the younger generation and mentioned that the reason there were so many issues in society was because no one ever spoke about a healthy relation. Everything was behind the bedroom doors or in case of the unwed in hiding.
This brings up another point. Love! While Suresh and I openly fight, (well argue really loudly) I feel we show affection less often and this means my child is going to think marriage is about fighting. Similarly with my relation with my sibling/cousins. If I only have causal conversation with my cousins, that is all my child will understand of my relation with them. But if I hug them when they walk in and when I say goodbye, my children will imitate that affection to each other and also feel the bond I have with my cousins and thereby naturally develop and affection.
I have started taking the whole public display of affection to another level with hugs. Every time I have Isaac or Ziva say sorry to each other I always have them follow it with a hug. Maybe right now it may seem like a superficial thing ... but I hope eventually it will rub in as a healthy way to apologize and feel the apology. I also get them to hug other kids who come to visit us. Its becoming such that now if Ziva cries, Isaac will scream sorry a couple times and then squeeze her real hard. Now exactly they way I want things to go ... but we are working on it!
Guilty as charged : A young friend of mine recently changed to his profile picture to some friend (girl) of his and I asked him who it was and he said 'just a friend'. I cross-examined him a bit and I was convinced it was 'just' a friend ... but my annoying questions caused him to change his profile picture. I guess Guilty as charged!
