Being friends with youth of our church and having them be absolutely free as they speak to us has given me a DEJA VU on what it was like to think about a life partner.
At about 23 I wanted to just have a baby - no HUSBAND. Could I adopt a baby?
Today after two children I know the value of my husband. I know his importance in my kids life as a father.
But 15 years ago - It seemed like I could conquer the world and make it mine.
I had my rules - The guy should cook, he should not smoke, not drink. He should not be egoistical and should let me do as I like. He should let me dress the way I want and work where and when I want.
I guess age does make you wiser. As I watch a few young girls making similar statements, my inner being is screaming out! Don't! That's not whats important!
This BIBA ad got me thinking.
I love the ad. Its very beautiful. And I love the lovely lady who tagged me! She's one of my favorite young people along with her friend who jumped in to remind me of all the lovely traits of her friend! Lovely lovely ladies... and they remind me of ... ME ... 15 years ago.
Would you judge a man/ woman if they choose a partner based on good looks? Most likely yes.
Because beauty is skin deep!
Would you judge a man if he rejected a lady because she could not cook? Yeaaa
Would you judge a woman if she rejected a man because he did not have a job? Yeaa
Then you must also judge a woman who rejects a man because he cannot cook! Or a man who rejects a woman because she doesnt have a job.
I know a marriage counselor couple who advise young people - NO EXPECTATIONS
Now that, you would say is idealistic. I mean we all have expectations. But I think in expecting ... we forget that we are not able to meet ALL of the other person's expectations!
Is it possible not to expect? Unlikely.
But here is my advise to young folk ... Free advise hai - lena hai to lelo!
For both boys and girls : Don't expect someone who is drop dead gorgeous ... Even if you are drop dead gorgeous. Chances are you will eventually get fat and ugly. 😉😉😉😉😉😉. Or chances are you may grow ridiculously insecure :)
For girls : Don't expect someone who can cook, clean, do their own laundry ... etc.. etc.
Instead find out if they will stand and chat with you while you cook. Or someone who asks you how your day was while he tries to fold the laundry. Or someone who chops onions because you hate doing it. Or someone who will order food from outside - because you feel exhausted.
For boys : Please don't ask a girl if she can cook, unless you can cook yourself. It's a big back fire question.
For girls and boys: Will you work after marriage? Do you know if you yourself will work for sure. Life brings about circumstances that make it necessary to choose family versus career or the other way around.
Marriage is not about cooking and taking care of the other person. Marriage is not about the perfect partner with all the perfect traits. Marriage is not all romance and singing around trees.
For me marriage has been about having someone I could hug and cry when I lost my father!
It was about being given the permission to hug my husband when he lost his parents! (I am a big hugger!)
How would you know these qualities? Find out if the person loves their parents... Because if the person loves their parents and you love yours ... chances are the person will love your parents too.
For me marriage was about having someone who watched me study for the longest time. Masters... PhD ... Residency . And he brought home the bacon. And then, I watched him do his post doctoral fellowship while I brought home the bacon. Marriage is not about stability in finance or jobs. You don't know what tomorrow brings. Marriage is hard work and good times. They have to be balanced.
Marriage is not 50%
I help 50 %... my spouse puts in 50 %
I can't expect my husband to endure 50% of labor pains can I? Neither does he expect me to deliver a 7.5 pound baby and walk back to work the next day.
Marriage is 100% - I put in 100% of everything I do! And my partner will put in 100% of everything he can do.
But what if he doesn't? Well then some things wont get done! Or ... you will fight a little... big deal!
Marriage is not about having a long list of non-negotiable demands .... Marriage is about being negotiable in all your expectations.
At about 23 I wanted to just have a baby - no HUSBAND. Could I adopt a baby?
Today after two children I know the value of my husband. I know his importance in my kids life as a father.
But 15 years ago - It seemed like I could conquer the world and make it mine.
I had my rules - The guy should cook, he should not smoke, not drink. He should not be egoistical and should let me do as I like. He should let me dress the way I want and work where and when I want.
I guess age does make you wiser. As I watch a few young girls making similar statements, my inner being is screaming out! Don't! That's not whats important!
This BIBA ad got me thinking.
I love the ad. Its very beautiful. And I love the lovely lady who tagged me! She's one of my favorite young people along with her friend who jumped in to remind me of all the lovely traits of her friend! Lovely lovely ladies... and they remind me of ... ME ... 15 years ago.
Would you judge a man/ woman if they choose a partner based on good looks? Most likely yes.
Because beauty is skin deep!
Would you judge a man if he rejected a lady because she could not cook? Yeaaa
Would you judge a woman if she rejected a man because he did not have a job? Yeaa
Then you must also judge a woman who rejects a man because he cannot cook! Or a man who rejects a woman because she doesnt have a job.
I know a marriage counselor couple who advise young people - NO EXPECTATIONS
Now that, you would say is idealistic. I mean we all have expectations. But I think in expecting ... we forget that we are not able to meet ALL of the other person's expectations!
Is it possible not to expect? Unlikely.
But here is my advise to young folk ... Free advise hai - lena hai to lelo!
For both boys and girls : Don't expect someone who is drop dead gorgeous ... Even if you are drop dead gorgeous. Chances are you will eventually get fat and ugly. 😉😉😉😉😉😉. Or chances are you may grow ridiculously insecure :)
For girls : Don't expect someone who can cook, clean, do their own laundry ... etc.. etc.
Instead find out if they will stand and chat with you while you cook. Or someone who asks you how your day was while he tries to fold the laundry. Or someone who chops onions because you hate doing it. Or someone who will order food from outside - because you feel exhausted.
For boys : Please don't ask a girl if she can cook, unless you can cook yourself. It's a big back fire question.
For girls and boys: Will you work after marriage? Do you know if you yourself will work for sure. Life brings about circumstances that make it necessary to choose family versus career or the other way around.
Marriage is not about cooking and taking care of the other person. Marriage is not about the perfect partner with all the perfect traits. Marriage is not all romance and singing around trees.
For me marriage has been about having someone I could hug and cry when I lost my father!
It was about being given the permission to hug my husband when he lost his parents! (I am a big hugger!)
How would you know these qualities? Find out if the person loves their parents... Because if the person loves their parents and you love yours ... chances are the person will love your parents too.
For me marriage was about having someone who watched me study for the longest time. Masters... PhD ... Residency . And he brought home the bacon. And then, I watched him do his post doctoral fellowship while I brought home the bacon. Marriage is not about stability in finance or jobs. You don't know what tomorrow brings. Marriage is hard work and good times. They have to be balanced.
Marriage is not 50%
I help 50 %... my spouse puts in 50 %
I can't expect my husband to endure 50% of labor pains can I? Neither does he expect me to deliver a 7.5 pound baby and walk back to work the next day.
Marriage is 100% - I put in 100% of everything I do! And my partner will put in 100% of everything he can do.
But what if he doesn't? Well then some things wont get done! Or ... you will fight a little... big deal!
Marriage is not about having a long list of non-negotiable demands .... Marriage is about being negotiable in all your expectations.
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