Life is not a snapshot!

If I can just get past this exam, I will be great.

If I can just get into a good engineering college , I will be fine.

If I can just get into 'an' engineering college, I will be good.

If I can just  make it past these 4 years,  life will be normal again.

If I can just find a job, I will be good.

If I can just get into grad school, things will work out.

If I can just make it past my thesis defense, I will party.

If I can just finish my residency, I am sure I will get a great job.

If I can just find a perfect guy, life will be a piece of cake.

If I can just get married to the nice guy without the world being at war with me, things would be perfect.

If I can just have a child, life would be super duper

If I can .....

 
We all go through those stages of life. Each stage seems uncertain and scary. It always seems like if you can just pass those scary stages, life will be perfect. If you can just pass this one crazy phase in life then all will work out.
But life is not a snapshot! Its not about that one moment of pain when you lose someone you love. Its not about that one moment of joy when you hold your child in your arms. Yes those are the special moments. But life is all the craziness in the middle. Sometimes in the midst of all the craziness there is a strong desire to press the eject button. My way of 'eject button' is to go into hiding. Stay low and let the wave go over!

The above statements describes all of me for the past 40 years. Initially stressing about each and every exam. Then the jobs and then getting married etc. Half the time I didn't know what I was doing.
To put it in F.R.I.E.N.D.S philosophy : It seemed like there was a plan ... everything was all figured out ..But now its just 'floopy'.
Actually ... if you look around almost no one has a clue of what is going on. Some are just getting rocked about by the waves of life and ... others are the waves of life!
But again with the F.R.I.E.N.D.S philosophy: It's all gonna come together and it's gonna be un-floopy!

Notice after the last line ... I kind of stopped....
If I can just have a child, life would be super duper

.... Once Isaac came, life was super duper for sure. But there were so many floopy moments still. Moments where I felt like I was going to drown. But some how it became un-floopy and I rose above the wave. It was around the time that Suresh's mom passed away. A big wave for me! Maybe my faith got hit more than anything and it washed me to the shore till I picked up and decided to dive back into the ocean called L.I.F.E. You can't sit on the shore forever! With the arrival of Ziva, I had another round of floopy to un-floopy. I had been wallowing so long in the self-pity of being a terrible mother that I was honestly terrified of baby #2. But the ease of being her mother made me realize - motherhood was not a snapshot. There were going to be floopy and un-floopy moments!

Life is not about losing that job or getting it.
Life is not about buying that dream house or moving.
Life is not about an empty womb or one abundantly filled.
Life is not perfect ... but if you rise above the wave each time... look around ...It's beautiful!




Before the morning - Josh Wilson


Do you wonder why you have to,
Feel the things that hurt you,
If there's a God who loves you,
Where is He now?

Or maybe, there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Would you dare, would you dare, to believe,
That you still have a reason to sing,
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling,
It can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on, and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling,
It's just the dark before the morning

Pretty ... beautiful .... EARS ???

So my little boy Isaac has the prettiest little eyelashes. Just like DH they are long are curl upwards to touch the top of his eyelids. They are thick giving his eyes a dark and deep look. When he smiles ... his eyes smile too.
My little girl Ziva has the cutest and loveliest little cheeks. They still have their baby charm in them and her smile drives her cheeks backwards to a warmth that radiates around to everybody.

Yesterday as I watched them wake up from their afternoon nap, they looked like little angels and my heart got all warm and fuzzy. I picked up Isaac
Me: Isaac when God made you he put these pretty eyelashes and made them so special.
Isaac - 1000 watt smile
I turn to Ziva
Me - Ziva when God made you he put these cute little cheeks and made them so special.
Ziva rubs her eyes and smiles.
Me: Ziva - What special thing has God give amma?
I wait with baited breath to see what my child will notice about me
Ziva : Your ears!

And thats a wrap!

There are lot of blogs out there telling us not to draw vanity to your children by calling them pretty or beautiful. I really do not agree with it. While I would never call my daughter a princess or my son a king, I believe they need to hear from their parents that they have been specially and beautifully created. There is a fine line between self-esteem and vanity. We as parents are called to build our children's self-esteem while making sure it does not add up to vanity.

I believe parents should tell their children how kind they are , how good they are and how well-behaved they are. But they should also tell them that every cell in their body is beautiful. It teaches children to values their bodies and themselves. And my biggest fear is if my child does not hear it from me he or she make seek it from elsewhere.