The head tilt

I am standing besides the organic avacodos in Safeway (Suresh has gone into this organic freak show - I guess until they discovers bugs or not enough bugs in organic food - we  will be feeding Isaac and ourselves as much organic stuff as we can) when I hear ' She's so cute' and of course the first thing in my mind is -Is this person talking about me ;)?. I look up and see a lady looking at my 1 year old 'SON'. My first instinct is to smack her for calling 'him' a 'her'. Then I look at Isaac and he has this big broad priceless grin on his face and he is doing the head tilt - You know you tilt your head forward like you are shy and smile :). The smacking instinct is gone and I look back at this lady and she is doing the 'head tilt' back at him --
'Aww - How old is she?'.
I respond 'He is a year old'.
'Oh I'm sorry - I thought it was a girl - such pretty eyes - The boys get the eyelashes!'
I look back at Isaac and his head tilt has caused his head to touch the railing of the shopping cart - still smiling.
A few more head tilts later we are home and as I walk in Suresh is sitting busy working at his computer (numerous brain MRI images in front of him). I ask him ' Is my baby the cutiest or what?' He looks up and does the 'head tilt' - This time meaning 'Silly Girl'. I know though he is thinking - My boy is the cutiest and friendliest  and anything else you can add 'est' to.

All you mommys out there - bet you know about the head tilt! :)

How do we teach our children to acknowledge loss (grieve)?

I AM TRANSFERRING MY FACEBOOK NOTES TO MY BLOG .... PLEASE FORGIVE IF YOU HAVE ALREADY READ!
FROM --- AUGUST 11 2010

Can we teach them to grieve? Not just loss in the family but to sympathize with others. Can we teach them to sympathize?
This past week while we grieved as a family, the children of one family raised the bar on acknowledging the loss in our family. The Emaikwu's!
As we got ready to disperse to our Sunday school classes this past Sunday (8/1/10), Simon turned around and gave me a big hug. I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve the hug until I heard the words 'I'm sorry'. I looked over his shoulder and there in a line waiting to offer their sympathies were David, Nehemiah and Helen. Suresh and I have often commented on how wonderful these kids are and how we need to ask Br Titus and Sis Grace for advice on raising children.
I have not seen such a reaction from any other 'kids' in their teens. I stress on the words kids because Simon is probably twice my size -- as is David. I remember when I was that age, I was so awkward about how to offer my support that I ended making random jokes to make people laugh. Not the most appropriate order of things.

I would say two things go into getting kids to acknowledge loss and mourn with those that mourn. (1) Excellent upbringing and to that effect hats off to Bro. Titus and Sis. Grace and (2) Having the quality of sympathy to those that are less fortunate than you and to that effect - great job growing up Simon, David, Nehmiah and Helen (Mathew is on his way there and with kind siblings such as these he will have not any trouble)

A niece is born to us today

I AM TRANSFERRING MY FACEBOOK NOTES TO MY BLOG .... PLEASE FORGIVE IF YOU HAVE ALREADY READ!
FROM --- AUGUST 6 2010

So today as I see the joyous correspondences all over the Arthungal walls and profiles -- I cannot help nostalgia.
I am thinking about the day my older sister had a baby girl. Indeed what a wonderful day. I have often thought of sending Grace a letter of the details of the day she was born. I can still remember some details vividly.

Like when I drove over to the hospital to deliver hot water in the flask. Yea my sister has this weird thing about hot water. She likes it a lot!! At the hospital I was met by my teary eyed mom - I guess its hard to watch your first born endure labor pain. Amma has become pretty strong after 3 grandchildren. She was very calm as her fourth grandchild came into the world.

About noon we got kicked out of the hospital (India Hospital rules) by what I can only call an ' evil ayah'. We begged her saying the baby will be here any minute. NO - rules are rules. I sat on the steps outside the hospital refusing to go home - telling my father lets wait right here. He was trying to convince me that we should go home have lunch and come back when my aunt came running out screaming 'Mona had a girl!'. I quickly ran back up- dodging the 'e' ayah. Picked up the camera and ran to the door of the delivery room. Waiting.. Waiting.. . My brother in law emerges with a scrawny, uncleaned, red baby - covered with what I could only describe as yhewww stuff. 'Click a picture click a picture' he says. CLICK and the little one starts screaming because of the flash. 'Click another one click another one' he says. CLICK and a louder yell -- And she is here GRACE MARY MATHEW.

As we sat at home around the table for a very very late lunch - a crow began cawing. Old wives tale - crow cawing == A visitor is coming. My dad hushes the crow saying 'She's already here - you bring news too late!'.

First week at school - I mean homeschool

I would say the first week at homeschool was a complete disaster ... chaos ... and super fun. Let me start with the disaster and chaos part and leave the best for last.

Class curriculum:  Somewhere between Nursery and etc ...
Location: A 20 MIMS Ardendale --- Basement
Student name: Isaac George Joel

We (Isaac and me) started on Monday June 4, 2012 morning at approximately 8:30 am.
While at the breakfast table I wrote down BIG and small alphabets till 'E' and Isaac enjoyed watching me write as I asked him to guess the alphabet.
We headed to the basement and after a small prayer, which included me asking Isaac to pray for Amma for lots of patience today I started to play some nursery rhymes. I think I was more excited than Isaac. As we started playing 'the ants go marching' I started to teach Isaac to march ... and we had a blast! I completely forgot that I was 35 years old and bound to tire very quickly. At the end of the song I was exhausted. However Isaac kept listening to the songs and kept dancing and playing with his toys.
I had also forgotten that my 2.5 year old got bored quicker than I could organize the next activity.

So it was little before 9 am and Ziva was still hanging out with us when I told Isaac we will paint when Ziva goes for a nap. Mistake number two .... My 2.5 year old still does not get what waiting means. Isaac started to throw a tantrum that he wanted to paint and in about 5 mins was annoying me. I managed to distract him with some more music. This time I introduced Mozart 'uncle' to him .... Yes Mozart - symphony #40. Luckily Ziva's aunty came and rescued us and took Ziva up for a nap. We painted and listened to more Mozart uncle. Then it was play time for Isaac! Phew! Isaac goes to the park with the maid and hangs out with another little girl his age called Kia and they both seem to have a blast and are best buddies. It seems to be a good time for him to adjust to another child who tugs toys from him and teaches him to share in her own way!
Play time was followed by lunch and reading right before nap. We have chosen a few books from the Ladybird reading level 1 and 2 set. Isaac already knows them to heart! Quite annoying when he says the dialogue before you get to the page!
-----------------END OF DAY 1

Day two started similarly with a prayer and Amma and Isaac dancing to BINGO! I had made a big mistake .... over enthusiasm. Isaac would not let me sit down and kept pulling me up to dance. Having Ziva around did not help since she kept getting into trouble and kept trying to run up the stairs!  Mid way through Isaac turned on the Organ and started playing the pre-recorded 'Livin La Vida loca'. So by 8:45 there was pure noise in the basement and one exhausted Mama.
Again Ziva's aunty came to my rescue and left Isaac and me to some caryons and drawing time. We revised alphabets and reading was Just Ducky one of Isaac's favorite book followed by me copying the ducky on a piece of paper and Isaac attempting to color it.
We learnt the difference between light and dark colors.... Light green ... dark green
Playtime
Lunch
Nap + Reading
------------------End of Day 2

Day 3
A completely exhausted me was dreading day three. But an over enthusiatic Isaac wanted to go to the basement and play music. I managed to drag myself downstairs and turn on Mozart Symphony #40. Isaac played around for a little bit.
We read 'My Big Little Bible' given to Isaac by Lincy aunty.
We revised Big 'A' and small 'a' ... alphabets
Playtime
Lunch
Nap + Reading
--------------------End of Day 3

Day 4
The house was a complete mess. There were books and crayons everywhere and we were out of groceries. I decided to use this day as learning time at the grocery store. We looked at fruits and vegetables and translated everything we could into Malayalam.
I was still exhausted from Day 1-3 and we reached back home in time for play time
Lunch
Nap + Reading
----------------End Day 4

Day 5
I went to the basement with the newspaper and tried to read in the hope that Isaac would just play around for a bit. But he kept annoying me and pulling my paper away. Finally I gave him some puzzles (4,5 and 6 pieces). He put them together in a matter of a few minutes and then was back to pulling my paper!
Finally I took Isaac upstairs and we baked a cake together. .... It was both a change for us and entertainment for Isaac to play with the batter.
Playtime
Lunch
Nap + Reading
----------------End Day 5

I had learned some important lessons this week.
a) Do not let the house go into chaos because you are trying to homeschool a 2.5 year old. i.e. take time to do some household chores that the maid cannot do like grocery shopping.
b) He is a 2.5 year old ... he doesnt need to learn something everyday !  So I am thinking every alternate day we take a break to start with
c) Curb my enthusiasm .... Week 2 was much better since I sat down while Isaac danced to BINGO
d) Its going to get better
e) Mommy needs more Prayer


Highlights of the Week 1
a) Isaac asking me to play Mozart uncle at Lunch instead of one of his animated movies
b) Isaac recognizing light and dark colors
c) Isaac looking forward to going to the basement
d) Isaac yelling 'Appa look small 'f' ' at the mall :)  (this is at the end of week two)
e) Eating cake that Isaac and I baked together.


I will put up how week 2 came along  ... to let my readers know that it did get better when Amma curbed her enthusiasm!
Will put up a video of Isaac dancing to 'BINGO' soon!

Breakfast at the Joels

So breakfast in our household is normally a hurried affair. Each person eats or is fed as the food arrives. However today Sunday June 3 2012 ... it felt a little special. No there was no special occasion today. Just ... good old eggs ... and pretty pictures taken. Each one had a slightly different variation of egg. As Suresh says ' You can never mess up making Eggs!'

Here is what we had

Ziva - Wheat Kanji mixed with hardboiled Egg Yoke with a small spoon of butter mixed in. And on the side a slice of pear and to drink some good old milk! (Breast mlk!)  Ziva has just been introduce to egg. I am not certain if she likes it.

Isaac - Eggs beaten up with onions and sausage. Right as it was cooking up I spooned over the top some cheese and covered the pan. On the side was a small piece of sausage, some tomatoes and a slice of pear. Isaac decided to start with the pear and then worked up to the sausage and left the egg for last. To drink ... some good old Bournvita!

Suresh - Eggs beaten with onions, sausage, coriander and a lot of black pepper. Just as I had done with Isaac, I spooned in some cheese and covered up the pan. On the side a small piece of sausage, a slice of pear and toast. To drink ... some Litchi juice!

Me - Oatmeal with almonds and cranberry. On the side the white of a hard boiled egg i.e. leftover from Ziva and a slice of pear. To drink ... good old milk!

To School or to HOMESCHOOL that is the question

I do not want to be one of those people who force my ideas on other people because I feel convicted. I do not want to be one of those parents who go around convincing other parents to homeschool. Everyone has a reason and everything under heaven has a season. I am in a season of schooling and boy am I confused. There is a part of me that wants to send my son to school and there is a part of me that believes I may be able to give my son a better education at home. I have been hearing some scary stories about kids Isaac's age (2.5 years old) being evaluated for lack of speech or lack of knowledge. What if my child is shy in front of strangers? What if he is a slow learner? What if he prefers soccer over his math book? Which school and which teacher will accept my son the way he is and wait for him to grow at his pace. After all we all say 'Each child is different'. In a class of 20 students does the teacher have time to learn about my child the way I have time for him. This being said right now I have very little time since I spend my minutes scrambling between Isaac and 9 month old Ziva.

While I am contemplating homeschooling I have seen a few people around me and have a few bones to pick about the conversations I have heard
I do not believe school is the devil like some people claim it to be.
I do not want to condone school. I went to school in a class of 52 students and I turned out just fine. I do not believe my parents had another way or my mother had the support system to homeschool me. So this is not me saying school is bad this is just me saying there is now another way available now that may be conducive to me and my family.
I do not believe homeschooling is the bestest way of education!
I do not believe all are called to homeschool.

Reasons I feel should not be used to homeschool
My child will pick up bad habits at school. Uhhhhh  They can pick them up numerous other places ... the park ... cousins... Uncles... aunts and especially parents! I kept using the SH*& word around Isaac yesterday as I tried to clean up the basement and things kept falling from my hands. I know my son can pick up bad habits from anywhere. Its up to me on how I train him away from it.
To bring up more God fearing and biblical orientated children. I think I can do that even if Isaac and Ziva went to school. We have numerous examples of people who were not homeschooled who love the Lord more than anything in the world. Again it is for me to train up my child.
To protect my child. I am beginning to learn that there is only one person who can always protect my children. I submit both of them to HIM. I will do my best to protect them ... but I can do nothing but through him!
School is too competitive. I do not believe it is school that causes competition. I think parents play an equally big role in putting that thought into their children's hearts and minds about being better than someone else. Rarely would you find a parent who would say 'Do better than what you did last time' i.e. improve yourself.

Reasons I am nervous of homeschooling.
I do not want to justify why I am homeschooling or why I am sending my children to school. I want to do it because I feel convicted. Because God has put it in my heart.
I do not know if I am able. Patient ... reliable  ... accountable.
I like structure and discipline in my life. I would like my children to be in bed at a particular time and awake and bright eyed at a particular time. I am still not certain homeschool in conducive to as structured a life as school especially in India.

Reasons I am nervous about school
I do not want my child to spend 2 hrs of his day in a school bus
I do not want my child to spend those 2 hrs on the bus napping. If he needs a nap he should be at home in bed restful not bumpy!
I do not want my child to lose his creativity if he goes to school.
I do not want someone who does not know my child to decide where his aptitude lies after a series of written tests.
Especially between the ages of 2 and 7 I want my child to have to option of 'doing something different today' - like go to the park and pick up stones, read some books ... or go grocery shopping with me (Very educational that grocery shopping trip !)

Why would I send my Child to school?
Well I do not know if Isaac will enjoy school unless he goes to school. I do not want to spend my life wondering if I deprived my child of some joy he would have gotten if he had gone to school. 
I do not know if Isaac will 'benefit' from school unless he goes to school.
Suresh loved school. He says he has some really good memories from school. Of course Suresh was also one of the more brilliant students and an all rounder and walked way with best student of the year and best sportsman of the year in his 12 grade. This past weekend Suresh's sister (Zoraida) was here and she handed me a book and said 'I thought you would like to keep this for Isaac.' It was a short stories book and she said Suresh got one of those every year for General Proficiency. The book Zoraida handed to me was from Grade II. I gave it to Suresh and his eyes lit up. I guess School memories can also be some good memories.

I have met numerous homeschooling families in the US and I am thrilled by my interactions with them. I love the idea of chores and children helping parents at home and sibilings sitting down together to study. I know one particular family where the kids have to go to bed at  8:30 pm and they have to be awake, make their beds and clean up before coming down for breakfast all before 6:30 am.

In India I know I will have the issue of parents around asking me why I am not sending my child to school. But I have watched my sister brave those issues and hope to get some pointers when I get stumped with hard questions. I have also watched my nieces and nephew enjoy themselves and sometimes complain as they immerse themselves in math, science and languages (Hindi!)

I occasionally ask Isaac -' Isaac do you want to go to school' Isaac so far has replied ' NO'
Then again Isaac says NO to everything.

For this year Isaac is not going to join any school for nursery! I will revisit my blog in about 6 months to see where we stand. I also like Faith's way of going about this --- one year at a time (http://faithfullmama.blogspot.in/2011/01/weve-come-to-decision.html)

So hows life in India?

It has been just a little over 6 months since we moved to India. A lot of people have asked me ' How do you like India?' or 'How do you like Bangalore?' ....

Do I like it?
And how has it been?
Frankly telling you even though I was the instigator of the INDIA MOVEMENT, I was definitely a little afraid of how it would be in India. After all we had been out of India for 11 years.
Things have changed a lot! People we love a lot have passed away (My dad and Suresh's mom specifically) and new people have come into our lives. While we were making the decision to return, Suresh was concerned about the financial aspect of things and I was concerned about the emotional (and family politics) aspect of things.
So here is life in India for you from the Joel's

PART 1 - EMOTIONAL
Well we have not yet been drowned in family politics. I guess I can thank the Lord for placing us in Bangalore. Bangalore is kind of like the centroid of three places - Mumbai, Kochi and Chennai. Between Suresh and me our family is dispersed between these three places. We have a sprinkling of cousins and friends in Bangalore but not the kind that will tell you how or which car to drive :). That being said it is wonderful to be close to home.

Suresh has rubbed off on me also in the past 11 years and his nonchalant manners come very handy when there are 6 people telling you to feed your child and 8 people shoving food down your child's throat. So the theme is to nod your head, take what you like and leave the rest at the table and calmly walk and away .... and remember DO NOT LOOK BACK!

But enough of me ... Isaac and Ziva are having a blast. I could think of no other place where there would be 6 people telling me to feed Isaac and Ziva and 8 shoving food in Isaac's mouth as he walks past them. Invariably the food is something I DO  NOT approve of like chocolate at 12 noon .... Excuse me its lunch time! The funniest was my aunt giving Isaac a candy while we were waiting to go from a wedding to the reception ... her point ' He's hungry' Isaac quickly munches the candy down and the goes back to my aunt, puts his chin into her handbag and says 'He's hungry ... He wants more' (Yes Isaac occasionally talks about himself in third person). Some six candies later he was bouncing off the wall with Suresh trying to control him and maintaining his 'nonchalant' looks.
But with a series of Appacha's (Grandpa's), Ammachi's (Grandma's), uncles and aunts around, Isaac and Ziva are enjoying family and hugs and kisses.

We have been to Kerala two times in the past 6 months and once to Chennai. The Chennai trip was especially fun because it was Suresh's sister Zoraida's little girl Amy's first birthday. A very special day indeed and we are glad we were close enough to make the trip!

We also went for our first family vacation in a long time with my sister and family and it was a blast!

 

                                                 (He's not a tame lion you know!)

I haven't yet had the need to partake in any serious family decisions and for this again I am grateful.

Part 2 - FINANCIALLY -- FILTHY RICH
I am just kidding ... no we didn't turn millionaires when we moved to India! But it seems life in India is much more affordable for  the salaried!  In the US for quite some time we were a DINKS couple. Double Income No Kids. But it seemed very difficult to save anything significant. We were probably bad spenders and along the 11 years in US we have learnt a few lessons in debt/ spending/ budgeting.(Thanks Dave Ramsey:http://www.daveramsey.com/home/ ) Life was always comfortable but I would never really call it luxurious. We did take a few good vacations (London/ Paris/Germany/ Hawaii x2/ Mexico/ Canada/ Korea) ...  but all well planned/ well saved up vacations!

Now we are a SITKS : Single Income Two Kids. But financially life is good. No we dont own a house or two cars. In fact we are using Suresh's mom's old car which works perfectly well for our little family. We rent in a lovely quiet neighborhood far from the city with a huge park within the community. As I have told many a friends and cousins who ask  ... I wouldnt care if the house was a hut instead ... but the park is to die for! I wouldn't have made it the first couple months in Banglaore (when I didnt have help with child care) without the park and 3 hr play times twice day!



We are also avoiding a significant expenditure every year ... $5000 for an India trip!

Food in India is CHEAAAAAAP ... Well you can get really expensive food if you want but we are freaking out on some street junk still. The chaats,  dosas and Katti rolls are  yummy and a family of 4 can eat a stomachful (with no repercussion the next day) for under Rs. 200 ($4). My cousin introduced me to this wonderful place called Adayar where my two year old sits alone and downs an entire masala dosa with no adult help.

Masala Dosa - $1
Watching Isaac eat it - Priceless

Suresh and I were discussing our finances the other day and for those of you who do not know we are big Dave Ramsey fans! Well per Dave Ramsey we have completed most of our Baby steps - i.e No debt, have 6 months savings in our bank and about 1/2 way through saving for a house! We had only 2 of the baby steps covered in the US. (http://www.daveramsey.com/new/baby-steps/)
This being said I think it would be far besides me to not acknowledge the 'big Guy above' who has taken care of our every need so far. Thank you Jesus ... I know You will get me through the rest.



Part 3 - The Maid ... The Nanny ... The Cook ... The Dog walker and The Car cleaner
Life in India is not all that easy. Unlike the US you cannot leave vacuuming / sweeping for once a week! No it is a daily chore. Cooking is not as simple. Now  that you  are in India you get all the spices you need for your gravy .... you better use them all. Washing you car is a daily chore not once a month and time is precious so you rather not walk your dogs.
Even before we had a Gas stove in our house we had a maid who swept from top till bottom of your three level house and wiped down all the windows. Even before we bought a fridge or a microwave we had a cook. Suresh spent the first one week without a fridge and this lady (cook) was so phenomenal that she was able to cook for him exactly one meal! I.e. No leftovers! I remember I was in Bombay, still waiting for our stuff to arrive when Suresh called me and as we were chatting he mentioned now nice it was to have hot steaming FRESH food every night!

The maid now is our nanny -  a promotion she more than willingly accepted. She absolutely dotes on Ziva. Isaac is slowly warming up to her. He spent the initial few park visits howling, for me. Now he willingly says goodbye and is jabbering with her as she pushes the stroller to the park. Interestingly Isaac speaks no Tamil and our nanny speaks very little English. They understand each other perfectly. She is for us now Isaac and Ziva's Aunty who gets introduced to all our guest like she is part of the family.
I must say we are getting spoilt rotten. Isaac and Ziva's aunty does all chores in the house including putting in clothes for wash/ folding them and putting them into their respectful place in the wardrobes!  The other day I came back from grocery shopping and had about three big bags. I had to drop it at the kitchen floor and run off after Isaac to put him down for a nap. His nap became my nap and when I woke up two hours later all the bags were emptied and each item put in the correct place! There was this feeling of wow ... I must be on a vacation or something. The downside of this - I have gained 4 lbs in the last two months.

So ... I guess I can conclude Life in India is wonderful so far.

But .... there are annoying things too  and I will talk about it at another time. We also have a long TO DO list with respect to government paper work that we are afraid to approach. ... All that for next time.