Nostalgia - familiar sounds, familiar smells, familiar weather

Its November again! Yes I know November comes once a year, every year. But for me , November marks a new beginning. An anniversary you could say! It has now been 3 years since Isaac, Ziva and I arrived in Bangalore. I think the date was November 11 2011. We had uprooted from a land we had spent 12 years in and decided to set base in Bangalore. At that time I was not sure how long we would last in Bangalore or India. But now 3 years later, Bangalore has grown on me. I even 'Swalpa Swalpa Kannada Mathadi' - I hope to make it 'More More Kannada Mathadi' in the next one year!

The other day I opened the door to thick fog and it felt so good. It reminded me of my first winter in Bangalore. There is something in the air that made me go back three years. A time when Ziva was 2 months and Isaac was having rough phase understanding why we were here. I remember days together when I would take the kids for 3-4 hrs to the park and just hang out there. I remember the house being absolutely empty because our stuff had not arrived from the US. We had one rocking chair in the living room and a flimsy carpet that kept moving about. A few days ago we had the sofa sent out to refurbish and the living room became empty. We were sitting on the carpet in the living room again and the ambiance went back to 3 years ago. Interestingly, my cousin who had visited me when the house was empty 3 years ago was again sitting in our living room and he remembered his first trip to our place.

We recently changed the battery for our door bell and realized that we had waited too long. From the usual 'boing' sound that was barely heard anywhere else in the house, the tone changed to a sweet musical tone. Flashback to the time when we just moved in. The door bells sounded loud. Too loud! A time when I wanted silence in the house. The bell ringing would wake up both kids and then the craziness and crying would start. The bell now has a sound of sweet memories of those days. The days that have passed.
At that time, those days felt like nightmares. I was afraid to wake up and I looked forward to evenings when I could rest again.
'This too shall pass'

I remember eating the amazing street food and being glad. Glad that I was back in India and wondering what would come of this. I guess an amazing love for Dosa and street food (especially Kathi roll) in both the children and so far no glances at Mc.D's
This too shall pass :)

Today as I feel the cool December weather and I know that November has come and gone - I know this too shall pass. I am enjoying the kids in this phase where they laugh and play together. There are days that they drive me nuts with their fights, but like the seasons and the months and years it will pass. I wish I could hold time still here. But I know there is more to come. More cool Novembers ... more sunny Aprils and more rainy Augusts.
And this too shall pass!

Bottle - Glass - Bottle - Glass - Ziva's world

This three year old is turning into a complete comedy central.

Most mornings now Isaac and Ziva drink milk from a glass. A special glass with an animal on the side. A cat for Ziva and a bear for Isaac. Most mornings go calmly even as milk is split on the table or the floor. But its part of the game.

Every so often Ziva will wake up and ask for milk in her sipper
Ziva :' I want milk in my pink bottle'

This request usually comes after we have got the milk ready in the glass!! Almost like she is testing our patience.

One such morning - we get milk ready in the glass. Ziva asks for the bottle. We give it in the bottle and about half hour later she sees Isaac drinking in a glass and she now wants the milk in the glass. (Yes drinking milk is a long process in our household)

Me: Ziva - You cannot keep saying Glass -- Bottle -- Glass --bottle
Ziva : Glass -- bottle --- glass --- bottle
Pauses momentarily
Ziva: I said Glass bottle glass bottle

Suresh laughing uncontrollably! Me stumped!

Maska ... Butter ... Soap .... Mani ... Flattery and its Pseudonyms

Aaa flattery!!! It works in so many ways. Sometimes it brings down the ego in you and other times it lets you soar to different levels of pride.

And then sometimes it just makes you smile. I guess it all depends on who is using the words.

Living in cosmopolitan Mumbai and visiting Kerala every summer we learned so many different words for flattery
Maska mat mar! (Mumbaiya)
Dont put butter ! (Bandra!!)
Soap idale (Manglish)
Mani adikayale ( Malayalam)

Flattery has so many pseudonyms.  Flattery is an excellent way to get your work done (by someone else) or just win your way into their hearts!

Isaac has this annoying habit of rubbing my hand. Its like a soothing technique. He specifically pulls on the skin between my wrist and knuckles. It drives me nuts. The first time he started it was when we moved from the rocking chair to the bed to put him to sleep. Till that point we would rock him to sleep. But I was so pregnant and my tummy was so big that I could no longer hold him comfortably on my lap. Hence the migration to the bed and then started the hand pinching. At first I was willing to give anything if he would lie on the bed and fall off to sleep. But when 2 years later he was still pinching my hand, I started to lose it. In addition to everything else, the constant pinching hurt my hand and would keep waking me up.

I realized that he was hooked to it when on one particular train journey, I was switching back and forth between two sleeping places. Ziva still needed a night feed and my mom was sleeping with Isaac. Isaac woke up in the middle of the night and was upset with me not being besides me. My mom said he was all fine till he tried to pinch my mom's hand and realized it was not the same hand he was used to pinching! So every time he drifted off his sleep he would need my hand.

I tried all techniques to get him off this soothing technique. I slept with my hands crossed, I spoke to him and told him that my hand hurt. I made him sleep separately. I tried to bribe him. I threatened him. Nothing worked!

Then this one afternoon as we were getting ready to take a nap, we were reading a touch and feel book about a fluffy soft chicken. As he touched it I asked him 'Isaac what else is soft?'. I had expected him to say the bed or the pillow instead he touched the the skin on the stop of my hand and said
'Soft like this?'

Aaa Flattery you work in so many ways! Especially when you come in such a genuine form.

“In the best, the friendliest and simplest relations flattery or praise is necessary, just as grease is necessary to keep wheels turning. ” 
― Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace

The 'dil' and 'bill' advertisement - Financial peace for Children

Delight her 'dil' forget the bill. It is probably the worst advertisement I have ever seen.

I am tired of seeing all the bill boards of Property FOR SALE around Bangalore. Suresh and I have  a theory ... When you are in Bangalore all the bill boards are about property.
As you drive down towards Chennai you the bill boards change to Sarees. RMKV... Nallis ... and then some smaller ones you will not remember too much longer than a few 100 seconds. (Or maybe my lack on interest in sarees makes it easy to forget these advertisement).
If you start driving driving towards Kerala it is all about GOLD ... gold offers ...exchange gold ... buy and win more gold. Handsome young movie stars advertising for gold (NOTE : Handsome not beautiful)

Mumbai is a little mixed ...Bill boards with the latest soaps ' Saas Aur bahu' ' Rishtey' .... and then those of big cars that you cannot possibly enjoy on the busy roads of Mumbai!
Isnt it awesome how are city bill boards know their residents and their interests so well?

So in the middle of crazy builders ads, this one caught my eye. It  had a little girl sitting with a teddy bear and her father holding a tablet in his hand as a present for the little girl. The tag line was that you if cannot afford it BUY IT ANYWAY and pay it off with EMI's. Really! And what is the message I give my little boy or girl. Its OK if we do not have money ... we have EMI's !

I am in the state where I am afraid of having an EMI for buying a house .... and that is considered an investment ... an appreciating investment. And here is an ad encouraging me to buy something for my 3/5 year old that once given to their hands may not survive more than a few hours!

As I read the ad to Suresh he let out a  'Hmphf' and asked which bank/credit card this was and when I told him the name he said
'Interesting - when I was growing up the tag line for this same bank was - Spend you money wisely'

Now time for some introspection
Suresh and I are terrible savers. We are foolish spenders. But somewhere between the terrible and the foolish we got ourselves into deep enough soup and credit card bills that we learnt to get out of debt. There was a time when we were each making $800 and had credit card bills worth a few 1000's. I still shiver when I think of those days. It was on one wisdom filled day that we cut up our credit  cards and got our act together and at least walked to the extent of not buying what we could not afford.

The current desire is to pass that financial peace to our children. We could try and leave them a huge inheritance ... but like the prodigal son in the bible, the two of them could blow it up in a matter of seconds and so what we really need to teach our children in financial peace. This means no EMI's  ... and no buying things if you cannot pay for it. Getting into debt is the easiest thing and getting out of it the hardest. Take it from someone who has been there.
I believe a part of the fault was the previous generation. They knew how to live within their means but did not share that wisdom with us.
Quoting Dave Ramsey here... '  most young couples expect to attain their parents’ standard of living within about five years. Only it took their folks 25 years to get there! It’s a trap. Don’t fall for it. '

I recently met a 23 year old who told me that she and her brothers were made to sit with an investment adviser by their father as soon as they got their first job and first pay. That was at the age of 16. They were taught to invest and save as soon as they were old enough to earn

I look forward to putting Isaac and Ziva through that. I look forward to telling them about the things we cannot afford. I look forward to talking to them about finance and saving and giving. I look forward to saying no to some of the things they want to buy because we cannot afford it. I look forward to passing the financial peace I received to my children at least in words. What they do with it ?... well that will be where I will be praying for them.

Wearing those Skirts ... Painting those nails

I am a jeans person. I am most comfortable wearing the same ragged jeans 24 x 7.
I rarely get a manicure and pedicure done. Once a month maybe once in 3 months. I rarely comb my hair straight ... I like it frizzy. I wait for it to dry now and braid it... I rarely let it open.

But having a daughter changes so much.

A few weeks back my maid came home laughing at what someone asked Ziva in the park and how she responded
Aunty XYZ to Ziva: Ziva you want to come for nail polish party
Ziva (Who I am sure has no idea what a nail polish party is ): Can I bring my mama too?

On second thoughts I think she does know what nail polish is ... else she would have said can I bring by papa too!!

More than anything I was thrilled that she wanted me to come along. I wonder how long that will last! I also wanted to knock Aunty XYZ on her head for asking my 3 year old for a nail polish party!!! But I did realize that I have a little girl and I need to start doing a few more girly things. This does not mean nail polish parties, but I think my little girl would enjoy painting  her nails. When I mentioned this to Suresh he flipped out! Oh God no ! was his response. 'I dont want her getting all crazy so young'
I responded 'If she is anything like me ... we wont have to worry about it'

A few days back I was wearing a wraparound skirt and swirled around to avoid a chair. The skirt did a little swirl. I saw that Ziva was noticing. She immediately got off her chair and started to swirl her dress.  
A friend of mine has been recently being showering me with a lot of beautiful colored trinkets and Ziva loves looking at me put them on.

While I do not agree with 'Run like a Girl' because my girl runs as fast as she can .... I think there are lot of things that a girl enjoys that should be enjoyed ...
Here is to many years of girly things ... painting nails, wearing skirts ... cupboard full of shoes ... long baths ...  combing my hair down ... wearing eye liners and earing drops!

And what about the boy... I recently wore blue colored eye liner and Isaac happened to notice it.
'Hi Amma your eyes are blue'
Thanks to the boys who will balance us out when we go crazy :)

Public Display of Affection (PDA)

I have been noticing for a while now ... maybe a year or two ... that Isaac does not like it when Suresh and I hug. If he catches us hugging he will immediately push us away or make some kind of whining noise. At first I thought it was cute. He is jealous. But now I am thinking of all the strange cultural taboos India has and wondering if I should make and effort to show my 5 year old that it is OK to hug.

I saw this particular post on Facebook of 'Ironies in India' and this particular one  make me realize how we live in a world that is all about 'Dirty minds!' The tag line was
'Its OK to PISS in public ... but its NOT OK to KISS in public'

I keep thinking the next generation will be different. But I still see couples meeting under flyovers quietly having conversation because of either fear of the society or their family. I wonder if the problem is the society or the family. I think both should take equal responsibility.

So how can I encourage my children to realize that is OK to hug someone! It does not mean you are having an affair with the person or that you are hitting on them. How can I teach my children that there is such a thing as a healthy relation between a man and woman and everything does not end in the bedroom. How can I teach my children that there is special intimacy in the relationship between a man and woman after marriage that makes hugs healthy after marriage.

I guess I can start with hugging. I feel in the US whenever Suresh and I went for a walk we held hands. Here its seems like I think twice. So I have it in my head that PDA is not acceptable. Throw out the thought that I really do not care and maybe my children will learn about healthy relations from me and their father than the silly movies on Bollywood channels.
Someone was talking about counselling the younger generation and mentioned that the reason there were so many issues in society was because no one ever spoke about a healthy relation. Everything was behind the bedroom doors or in case of the unwed in hiding.

This brings up another point. Love! While Suresh and I openly fight, (well argue really loudly) I feel we show affection less often and this means my child is going to think marriage is about fighting. Similarly with my relation with my sibling/cousins. If I only have causal conversation with my cousins, that is all my child will understand of my relation with them. But if I hug them when they walk in and when I say goodbye, my children will imitate that affection to each other and also feel the bond I have with my cousins and thereby naturally develop and affection.

I have started taking the whole public display of affection to another level with hugs. Every time I have Isaac or Ziva say sorry to each other I always have them follow it with a hug. Maybe right now it may seem like  a superficial thing ... but I hope eventually it will rub in as a healthy way to apologize and feel the apology. I also get them to hug other kids who come to visit us. Its becoming such that now if Ziva cries,  Isaac will scream sorry a couple times and then squeeze her real hard. Now exactly they way I want things to go ... but we are working on it!

Guilty as charged : A young friend of mine recently changed to his profile picture to some friend (girl) of his and I asked him who it was and he said 'just a friend'.  I cross-examined him a bit and I was convinced it was 'just' a friend ... but my annoying questions caused him to change his profile picture. I guess Guilty as charged!

Writing on the wall : Daniel:5 - Quotes from Isaacland

Had to share this one from Bible time with the kids. Suresh is having his morning session with the kids. The story is about Belshazzaar and the writing on the wall.

Suresh: Isaac you know what the story from the Bible today
Isaac ... blank stare

Suresh: 'Writing on the wall'
Pause - Isaac looks at Suresh

Isaac: Its not good to write on the wall
Ziva: Yes we should ask for paper!!