The day I stood still

 

I am usually doing two things at one time.

I dont mean I have more than one tab open on my Chrome window .... I mean like literally two things
Watching TV and working. That's my favorite one. This morning I was baking bread and cake at the same time.
I know what you are thinking - completely unnessasry. I know! But yet I do it. Its like I get a strange kind of pleasure or thrill... The sad thing I don't thing either of the tasks get done great. I know I am not the only mom that multitasks. I know many more do.  Talking on the phone and folding clothes... feeding the kiddos and cleaning the vessels. Cooking and cleaning vessels (so you get done quicker!)

But today for about 1 hr I did just one thing! I sat at my computer and paid bills. Even though there were multiple windows open, for me it was like only one thing going on. No TV was on ... No kids screaming for attention. And it felt so .... NICE... at one point I actually realized that I was doing only one thing and decided I just had to blog about this.

Suresh keeps saying - 'Do one thing. Why do you have to get all stressed and try to finish a hundred things in one shot?' . I know he is right. But there is something about multitasking that is addictive. And just like any addiction there is a low point in multitasking

The addictive part of multitasking: You get a lot more done

The low point: You can never make out which one is most enjoyable. Now you may think between cleaning vessels and cooking, well both is a chore. But they both can be made enjoyable.  And then you can think well if I talk on the phone while folding clothes at least the clothes will get folded. But you will never enjoy that phone call.
Today as I finished multitasking (Baking bread and cake) I was exhausted and had not enjoyed either. While baking I had tried to pay the bills and transfer money to someone. The website had not worked and by the end of the morning I had gotten a lot done (in terms of baking) but with a lot of frustration (website getting back at me!)
Finally after the kids left for the park I took a shower and came and sat on the bed with my computer and just tried to pay the bills. And it worked! It was then that I realized that I was not multitasking ... it was just me and my computer.

The reason for multitasking: A multitasker friend and I were discussing how we watched TV while doing most of our mundane daily stuff and we had another friend stare at us. 'You are crazy' she concluded. But here was my reasoning to multitasking. When I have the TV on, I sit in one place thus getting the mundane work done. Whereas if the TV is off, I will look for ways to go to another task!

The myth about multitasking: The most common one is that only woman multitask. Lets correct that right now. I may have always been a multitasker, but I became a heavy multitasker after the kids were born. It seemed at that point the 24 hours in the day was not enough to complete all the life was throwing at me. So next time you see someone multitasker know that she is probably a mom and has a list long of things to do and if you truly let her go she may actually like to sit on the sofa with her feet up. If you dont believe me look up the images on the internet for multitaskers and you will see that they all have a baby or a diaper or a stroller in one of their many hands.


The thing though about a multitasking  is that its a hard habit to break. And while the world does not understand why a multitasker does what she/he does, one multitasker does get the crazy and the weird life of another multitasker. So here's a big 'Cheers' to my fellow multitasker!

Siblings and all that ... Jazz

I remember when I was growing up... people would come up to my mom and  say 'Two girls'  and '3 years apart' ... 'oh they must not fight at all'. My sister and I we fought like cats and dogs! We used words a lot and we got on each others nerves all the time. My mom had to constantly yell  'If I come there both of you are going to get it.' - Reminds me of Russell Peters  'Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad'
We also were inseparable (At least till she got married and I left for the US). And that is the other side of this sibling coin. I cried when she got beaten and she fought for me (to get my parents approval) when I wanted to marry a man of my choice. Do I need say more?

When I had Isaac and Ziva with a 22 months space, I knew the nightmare would come. Someone told me 'Don't worry, they will be really close'.
Yes Maybe - but 'Payback's a *&^%$!'.
I am sure I gave plenty of grief to my mother, so it was my time now.   I watched my sister deal with my nephew and niece and I realized any age gap and the sibling jazz was bound to dazzle us all. And now its my turn

I am seriously tired of the  yells and screams coming from the basement. ‘Amma she is not sharing with me.’  ...'Amma he is looking at me!' ....Really !! Another favorite place for them to fight is in the the back seat of the car. 'Amma his leg is close to my car seat.'
I find myself frequently saying 'If I come there .. you both are going to get it'

Sometimes its minor tugs and pulls while others are more emotional and long-lasting fights and it seems like they may kill each other.
I know these sibling quarrels are a common occurrence in most households. But I have started thinking of how I can set the rules so we can have a calmer day. Especially since we homeschool - Isaac and Ziva just have to get along for more than a seconds!
Suresh keeps saying set the rules and if they dont abide its time for the rod. But what are the rules and should I read it out to them like the ten commandments!

Commandments:  As in every household the most important thing is ‘Rules’. No one likes them! But everyone must follow them! Here would be my commandments for the Joel Household for the next few years
1. No hitting,
2. No name calling
3. No hoarding
That's it ! If I can just get them to abide by these, the world would be more peaceful.
But it does seem like sharing is the toughest. Yes - especially in a household where there are over a thousand toys both will have a tug off for one toy. And of course we are almost going to the point of  'I had it first' . So what do I do. ' No share - no play'. It works! They both cry for a while and then its almost like they gang up against me and play together with a completely different toy!

Good Job: The best sprinkling of masala over the wound at this time is. Good Job guys! I am so proud of you two sharing and I have my babies back in my arms! Now Ziva has even started asking me. 'Amma are you happy with Isaac and Me'!

Wearing my boxing gloves: Sometimes, though it does seem like I have to get down in the boxing ring and separate them! And this is when we use the hug theory. Hug, are the best thing, I have realized, and use it commonly when there has been a physical fight. Its not possible for me to always use my eight eyes and watch who started the fight or who pushed whom. Conversations are not entirely clear and this seems like the perfect time to talk about forgiveness. Usually in this case no one is innocent. So we go into hug mode. 'Isaac and Ziva hug each other. Now say I am sorry.' This is irrespective of who had done IT! And I think its not the words ... but the touch that makes them both melt down and again in 5 minutes we have WORLD PEACE.

Unity in Adversity: 'Isaac you must protect Ziva. Ziva listen to Isaac he will take care of you.' I found him 20 minutes later sitting next to her quietly watching her. She too was sitting besides him and they had not pulled each others hair out. Somehow when you make the family claim, even kids seem to understand the song 'We are family'. Best way to leave them alone and hope for peace - Add a touch of responsibility!'

Who's dunn it!: And then there are those times when you just got to know who is the culprit. This may be the broken phone that they were both yanking at or the TV that just wont switch ON because both wanted to turn it ON. You just got to know. Currently we use books for various characteristics. We have a series called Bubbles  and one particular one is  'Bubbles Owns up' ... There are tons more about not fighting with other, Not being a spoil-sport. And recently we found one very good one about not teasing your sibling. It hit a home-run with Isaac and now all I have to say is 'Remember how Pipo was mean to his sister' Lot of perspective. And it works way better than me screaming 'SHARE' or 'BE NICE'. The books are nice because they are so non-judgemental

Vishesh Tippany (Translated special message): I am slowly also realizing using myself as a example may also help the kids relate to relationships and their value. So I guess Isaac and Ziva are going to here a lot of stories about Amma and 'Mona Velliamma' and of course 'Ammachi!'

At the end of the day I just got to remember that I too  have waged the sibling war and turned out fine. The key is to keep the whole sibling rivalry healthy with plenty of love and forgiveness and HUGs!

The 'dil' and 'bill' advertisement - Financial peace for Children

Delight her 'dil' forget the bill. It is probably the worst advertisement I have ever seen.

I am tired of seeing all the bill boards of Property FOR SALE around Bangalore. Suresh and I have  a theory ... When you are in Bangalore all the bill boards are about property.
As you drive down towards Chennai you the bill boards change to Sarees. RMKV... Nallis ... and then some smaller ones you will not remember too much longer than a few 100 seconds. (Or maybe my lack on interest in sarees makes it easy to forget these advertisement).
If you start driving driving towards Kerala it is all about GOLD ... gold offers ...exchange gold ... buy and win more gold. Handsome young movie stars advertising for gold (NOTE : Handsome not beautiful)

Mumbai is a little mixed ...Bill boards with the latest soaps ' Saas Aur bahu' ' Rishtey' .... and then those of big cars that you cannot possibly enjoy on the busy roads of Mumbai!
Isnt it awesome how are city bill boards know their residents and their interests so well?

So in the middle of crazy builders ads, this one caught my eye. It  had a little girl sitting with a teddy bear and her father holding a tablet in his hand as a present for the little girl. The tag line was that you if cannot afford it BUY IT ANYWAY and pay it off with EMI's. Really! And what is the message I give my little boy or girl. Its OK if we do not have money ... we have EMI's !

I am in the state where I am afraid of having an EMI for buying a house .... and that is considered an investment ... an appreciating investment. And here is an ad encouraging me to buy something for my 3/5 year old that once given to their hands may not survive more than a few hours!

As I read the ad to Suresh he let out a  'Hmphf' and asked which bank/credit card this was and when I told him the name he said
'Interesting - when I was growing up the tag line for this same bank was - Spend you money wisely'

Now time for some introspection
Suresh and I are terrible savers. We are foolish spenders. But somewhere between the terrible and the foolish we got ourselves into deep enough soup and credit card bills that we learnt to get out of debt. There was a time when we were each making $800 and had credit card bills worth a few 1000's. I still shiver when I think of those days. It was on one wisdom filled day that we cut up our credit  cards and got our act together and at least walked to the extent of not buying what we could not afford.

The current desire is to pass that financial peace to our children. We could try and leave them a huge inheritance ... but like the prodigal son in the bible, the two of them could blow it up in a matter of seconds and so what we really need to teach our children in financial peace. This means no EMI's  ... and no buying things if you cannot pay for it. Getting into debt is the easiest thing and getting out of it the hardest. Take it from someone who has been there.
I believe a part of the fault was the previous generation. They knew how to live within their means but did not share that wisdom with us.
Quoting Dave Ramsey here... '  most young couples expect to attain their parents’ standard of living within about five years. Only it took their folks 25 years to get there! It’s a trap. Don’t fall for it. '

I recently met a 23 year old who told me that she and her brothers were made to sit with an investment adviser by their father as soon as they got their first job and first pay. That was at the age of 16. They were taught to invest and save as soon as they were old enough to earn

I look forward to putting Isaac and Ziva through that. I look forward to telling them about the things we cannot afford. I look forward to talking to them about finance and saving and giving. I look forward to saying no to some of the things they want to buy because we cannot afford it. I look forward to passing the financial peace I received to my children at least in words. What they do with it ?... well that will be where I will be praying for them.