I always feel that everything should be equal between Isaac and Ziva. When Suresh opened a bank account for ISaac. I made sure one was opened for Ziva and when he dumped in some money into Isaac's account, I made sure he put in something into Ziva's account. It did not matter that both amounts just got swept off into FD's with high yields for Mom and Dad. It had to be equal! What if Ziva opened the bank account statement one day and saw the discrepancies in the amounts! Yes - I am paranoid. And Yes I am overestimating my little ones capabilities (or shrewdness). And Yes it does seem that somewhere in my childhood, I may have been scarred as the neglected/forgotten second daughter.
My councellor/ physcologist friends if you think I am over analyzing read below.
If I go to buy clothes for Isaac, I will buy at least one small thing for Ziva -- may it be even a bloomer! If I stitch Ziva a new dress ... I stitch Isaac a new vest.
When Isaac started Art class and I was feeling really bad of always leaving Ziva at home with the maid. So I started a 'Mom and me' - Toddler program where Ziva and I could go and spend two hours together once a week at a play group. I was so determined that it be a Ziva and me 'only' time that on the last class when Ziva's teachers suggested I should bring Isaac along, I paused, thought and then refused saying this was special for Ziva.
I recently got the sonlight cirriculum and there was a workbook in it. So Ziva is going to get all of Isaac's second hand books. Now there is a workbook set in there. To keep things equal, I decided to make copies of this and use bound Xeroxes for both of them and keep the original as a reference.
I know its getting crazy right! But I only realized how crazy I am today! I got some groceries ordered in - and one item was a Chocos cereal box and with it came a 'Magic spoon'. I looked at the box and almost came upstairs to order another box with the hope that I would get one more 'Magic spoon'- It had to be equal. I stopped half way through ordering and started typing this blog!
The craziness has to end. I can be equal in another way. At least with things that are common to both Isaac and Ziva.
So tomorrow when we eat Chocos, they will both get bowls of milk and Chocos and ONE Magic spoon. Isaac will get one use of the spoon and then Ziva will get one use. And thus we shall learn to share everything possible (including cooties from each other mouth - if it helps Amma's insanity with equality)
Now the question rises - who should get to use it first.
Please pray for me as I approach this new phase of insanity.
