Kids these days are rude .... Ok let me correct myself. Indian kids these days are rude! Every time I don't hear the 'Please' ...'Thank You' or the 'Sorry' , I wonder - was I this rude when I was a kid. I bet I was!
Let me start close at home. I remember a correction in good manners. I was about 8 or 9 years old and I was playing with a friend of mine when an old aunty who was a neighbor of ours walked by. I continued to play but my friend stopped and said ' Good evening aunty!'. I suddenly realised something was amiss and quickly followed along with her and said 'Good evening aunty'. The aunty stopped and greeted us both and then turned to me and said 'You have never greeted me before!'. I felt the size of an ANT. But from that day I always made it a point to stop my games and greet the older folk who lived in our building.
Suresh and I were discussing manners on our drive to Chennai. We had some quality time in the car while the two kids took a nap. We were mainly discussing it because I got this article from Baby center Babycenter. The title of the article says Intro to Manner for your 2 year old. I thought are you kidding me... he is two he should know more than an intro to manners. The article also spoke about table manners (Table Manners) which I thought would be lovely to introduce into Isaac's routine. I was catching Suresh up on the things we could add to our daily lunch and dinner routine when Suresh said the following. 'We Indians are rude'
Me: 'huh! Why do you say that?'
Suresh: 'I still remember in the US when I started working and I had to ask subordinates to do something they would say -- Say please! It was the same for all the Indians who worked in our team.'
Its so true. In the US, you better say 'please' and 'thank you' no matter who you are and what degree/ title you hold. I guess we learnt some manners in the US! I had to deal a lot with patients in the US and since it involved collecting data from them I really had to grovel a lot. I said a lot of 'Please's and 'Thank you's throughout my Ph.D.
A cousin of mine once said that the American's could be so pseudo. She said ' The just say hi - how are you and turn away and dont wait for a reply'. I thought that was true till I understood a little more of the US culture. The statement 'Hi! How are you?' was not something that needed a long drawn response. It was a way of acknowledging one another as you crossed each other in the corridors. For the longest time in our new neighborhood here in India I used to smile at neighbors and workman and receive no response. Now I make it a point to use the 'Hi! How are you?' (i.e. I acknowledge your presence!). I say a big 'good morning' or tell Isaac/Ziva to say hello.
Here in India the gardeners and dog walkers are shocked when I say thank you. In fact they are so shocked that some of them say 'thank you' back to me
I see a lot of Indian parents these days concentrate really hard on good scores, doing well in competitions and coming first in class. But none really pay attention to manners. I believe it is not part of the curriculum so teachers do not teach it and even if they do, parents do not enforce it. I have heard conversations between parents and children (~ 6-9 year olds) where the child says 'What did I tell you?' in a rather demanding voice or 'Just do it nah'. In the back of my mind I am thinking I will smack Isaac if he talks to me that way. I think a part of the problem is the 'cool' parents attitude. We are so interested in being friends with our kids that they (i.e. the kids) forget who's in charge. I remember telling my nephew ' I am your aunt not your best pal .... ask me nicely and I may just give it to you.'
Being the cool aunt is very important to me ... but more important is when he gets into the outside world I dont want him to have to feel like he is groveling for his demands being met. The 'Please' and 'Thank you' should just be natural!
Bringing this topic closer to home - Isaac George Joel
Isaac learnt to say 'Please' and 'Thank you' very quickly. He even learnt to say 'Excuse me' after he sneezed and ' God bless you' when some else sneezed. It all seemed very cute till we realized that it was very hard to get him to say 'I'm sorry'. Even now when he says 'I am sorry' I feel like he doesnt mean it. It burdens me because of what I read in a book by Tedd Tripp. Quoting the below from Shepharding a Child's heart by Tedd Tripp
-------------
'The heart determines behavior' (Mark 7:21-22 For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.)
What your children say and do is a reflection of what is in their hearts. Luke 6:45
A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemable
-----------------------------
Reading this makes me realize that the lack of please and thank you's show a lack of gratitude in my child's heart. In Isaac's case the lack of sorry shows a lack of repentance.
As Ziva is turning into one little 'rowdy' I know that tough times are ahead with the two toddlers. Not only teaching them to say words of gratitude but to feel it also.
Tough parenting days ahead!
Let me start close at home. I remember a correction in good manners. I was about 8 or 9 years old and I was playing with a friend of mine when an old aunty who was a neighbor of ours walked by. I continued to play but my friend stopped and said ' Good evening aunty!'. I suddenly realised something was amiss and quickly followed along with her and said 'Good evening aunty'. The aunty stopped and greeted us both and then turned to me and said 'You have never greeted me before!'. I felt the size of an ANT. But from that day I always made it a point to stop my games and greet the older folk who lived in our building.
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| Lord Please can I have a balloon today! PLEASE |
Suresh and I were discussing manners on our drive to Chennai. We had some quality time in the car while the two kids took a nap. We were mainly discussing it because I got this article from Baby center Babycenter. The title of the article says Intro to Manner for your 2 year old. I thought are you kidding me... he is two he should know more than an intro to manners. The article also spoke about table manners (Table Manners) which I thought would be lovely to introduce into Isaac's routine. I was catching Suresh up on the things we could add to our daily lunch and dinner routine when Suresh said the following. 'We Indians are rude'
Me: 'huh! Why do you say that?'
Suresh: 'I still remember in the US when I started working and I had to ask subordinates to do something they would say -- Say please! It was the same for all the Indians who worked in our team.'
Its so true. In the US, you better say 'please' and 'thank you' no matter who you are and what degree/ title you hold. I guess we learnt some manners in the US! I had to deal a lot with patients in the US and since it involved collecting data from them I really had to grovel a lot. I said a lot of 'Please's and 'Thank you's throughout my Ph.D.
A cousin of mine once said that the American's could be so pseudo. She said ' The just say hi - how are you and turn away and dont wait for a reply'. I thought that was true till I understood a little more of the US culture. The statement 'Hi! How are you?' was not something that needed a long drawn response. It was a way of acknowledging one another as you crossed each other in the corridors. For the longest time in our new neighborhood here in India I used to smile at neighbors and workman and receive no response. Now I make it a point to use the 'Hi! How are you?' (i.e. I acknowledge your presence!). I say a big 'good morning' or tell Isaac/Ziva to say hello.
Here in India the gardeners and dog walkers are shocked when I say thank you. In fact they are so shocked that some of them say 'thank you' back to me
I see a lot of Indian parents these days concentrate really hard on good scores, doing well in competitions and coming first in class. But none really pay attention to manners. I believe it is not part of the curriculum so teachers do not teach it and even if they do, parents do not enforce it. I have heard conversations between parents and children (~ 6-9 year olds) where the child says 'What did I tell you?' in a rather demanding voice or 'Just do it nah'. In the back of my mind I am thinking I will smack Isaac if he talks to me that way. I think a part of the problem is the 'cool' parents attitude. We are so interested in being friends with our kids that they (i.e. the kids) forget who's in charge. I remember telling my nephew ' I am your aunt not your best pal .... ask me nicely and I may just give it to you.'
Being the cool aunt is very important to me ... but more important is when he gets into the outside world I dont want him to have to feel like he is groveling for his demands being met. The 'Please' and 'Thank you' should just be natural!
 |
| Chicken Little |
Bringing this topic closer to home - Isaac George Joel
Isaac learnt to say 'Please' and 'Thank you' very quickly. He even learnt to say 'Excuse me' after he sneezed and ' God bless you' when some else sneezed. It all seemed very cute till we realized that it was very hard to get him to say 'I'm sorry'. Even now when he says 'I am sorry' I feel like he doesnt mean it. It burdens me because of what I read in a book by Tedd Tripp. Quoting the below from Shepharding a Child's heart by Tedd Tripp
-------------
'The heart determines behavior' (Mark 7:21-22 For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder, 22 adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.)
What your children say and do is a reflection of what is in their hearts. Luke 6:45
A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemable
-----------------------------
Reading this makes me realize that the lack of please and thank you's show a lack of gratitude in my child's heart. In Isaac's case the lack of sorry shows a lack of repentance.
As Ziva is turning into one little 'rowdy' I know that tough times are ahead with the two toddlers. Not only teaching them to say words of gratitude but to feel it also.
Tough parenting days ahead!
Good Luck!!!
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