The day I married a RICH MAN

I cannot remember how the conversation came up. It had something to do with a young girl, maybe about 15 years younger than me, talking about her choice of educational field and how it would be so hard to get a job.

We were a group of about 7-8 sitting around the lunch table. The conversation was casual when this came up.

Miss XYZ: ‘Aunty it’s very hard to get a job in this field’

Me: ‘Oh just finish your course, find a rich guy and marry him’. I joked

Miss  XYZ:  ‘Yea aunty you found your rich guy!’

I wanted to laugh out loud and say ‘REALLY!!!’

I looked across to my Rich man who was happily digging into his Thali plate.  It got me nostalgic about a time long ago when such a comment would never have even been seen in our vicinity. I have been called ‘Rich’ before and I realize that it’s time to tell the story. I guess it’s one that my kids are going to hear for a long time about how ‘Your dad and I struggled’. But looking back at that time, I never thought we would have the comfort of sitting at any restaurant and ordering whatever we wanted!

There are a lot of women who have gone from their father’s house to their husband’s house. I believe they are really lucky and blessed to have men who have taken care of them all throughout. When I say taking care, I specifically mean the financial aspect of it.

I choose a slightly different path. I left my father’s home at the age of 22 with a nice big cheque that I had hoped to return to him as soon as I got a graduate scholarship. I had made the trip across the seven seas and had promised myself that I would not ask for any more financial support if I got the scholarship. If I did not get a scholarship, I would return home with my tail between my legs and do whatever my father asked me to.

I got the scholarship and sent back the cheque save a few dollars which I needed for the initial days expenditure.

$827 per month. $413 every two weeks. That was my income for the next two years. My rent shared with 4 roommates was $235 per person. Then there was groceries, telephone and electricity bills to pay. It seemed hard but I learned to budget. It was in the midst of this that I met my RICH man!

He lived a few floors below in the same apartment building.

                                    Study on the floor ... Diwan and small side table made by Suresh!

We were class mates and guess what … he too made $827 per month. $413 every two weeks. We got married and moved into a one bedroom apartment with no furniture except a bed that the RICH man had acquired from another graduate student who was leaving. We had a few vessels and plates and we cooked and ate on the floor. The rent now was $650 totally. And then there was bills to pay. We continued our studies and graduated 3 years later. Over the three years we bought a TV, we found a computer table in the dump outside our building, my rich man made some furniture and we bought a few plants.

                                                         TV stand made by Suresh

Once we graduated, life started looking up. But for the first three years of our married life, we budgeted! We spent on credit cards till we realized we could not afford to pay the cards back and so one day we cut up all our credit cards. This meant rare eating out and social outings. We enjoyed bicycle rides to buy groceries since we did not have a car. We would put on two haversacks and buy big bottles of milk and vegetables home in them riding the bicycle both ways. We budgeted $ 5 per person per week to eat out. That meant we ate only at street carts. Hot dog cart sold a hotdog for $1. Sautéed onions was 50 cents more. We budgeted eating at a restaurant only once a month and could not spend more than $20 at the restaurant.

So it wasn’t a rich man … but it was a rich life!

At the end of 3 years of marriage when we graduated … my rich man got an awesome job. I guess I really figured out what it meant to spend money was at this time. We still did not use credit cards. We bought a second hand Mazda and enjoyed many long rides. We started to travel bit more and restaurant eating was maybe twice a week. Then 2 years later I completed my residency and got a nice job and things started looking even better. None of the above would have seemed half bad if you look at us today. But the uncertainty at that point of time was a bit scary. I wonder how we just lived without worrying.

                                                         Suresh's Study table and our bed :)


Now here we are ... 14 years after marriage. Life is comfortable. People may think we are ‘Rich’ … but we know where we came from. We know the days and weeks and months of craving to eat something fancy or just spending on clothes without thinking.

We know that tomorrow is never certain. But we are very thankful for what yesterday has taught us and we are enjoying today.

A few days ago another young girl came for marital advise.

Miss ABC: ‘How important is it for the guy to be financially stable?’

Me: ‘ I married one who wasn’t  … but it worked out for me’ I laughed! ‘ It depends on how willing you are to endure the days that are not so comfortable’

I married a RICH man… he had a RICH heart  … and we had the confidence that we would make it together.

All Things Handmade! Cannanore - a lore from a loom

'Do you work?' I ask Anjali as she holds on to one of her three dogs. This passionate animal lover is an entrepreneur. About 400 meters from our home, Anjali, her three dogs, one cat, fish, daughter and husband have made their friendly abode.
'I create home furnishing' She replied, still holding on tight to the all white Boxer. That's the dogs name, not his breed!
In my head, when you say furnishing I think sofas! But when I checked out Cannanore - a lore from a loom, I realized how creative furnishing can be. Someone once said that a house becomes a home when you put up curtains. That's whats Anjali's little basement based furnishing business does. With all her pretty colors and curtains she can make a room from pure to perfect!
Anjali is a big flea fiesta person. She can be found at all events around the Bangalore city displaying her pretty products. I keep promising her that when I buy my own house, I will definitely make a huge contribution to her bank account through Cannanore-a lore from a loom.
Again a home based business. But there is something about creativity that is contagious. Yes contagious. Anjali's 12th grade daughter Shradha has her own line of designer clutches. Now that's what I call - It runs in the blood.

------------------------------------------------------ End of Flashback!

The above was a conversation I had with Anjali 3 years ago. She has come a long way! On June 29th 2014, Anjali started her store at InOrbit Mall in Whitefield. Cannanore - a lore from a loom! What started in a room in her house has now extended to ... all things handmade!
It is lovely to see an entrepreneur rise in front of your eyes. It was wonderful to see Anjali start her store and promote it through her lady friends. What is even more encouraging is the platform Anjali opened to other folks who were into making handmade things! She started with 6 brands and today has 25 brands under the same roof of Cannanore! The idea is that everything has to be hand crafted and quality driven. 

A brief conversation over Facebook with Anjali looked something like this : 'I pick and choose brands. Today of course we have some great brands who partner with us and we have regular customers who come back to us over 5-6 times to see what we have to showcase!'

There is something about women entrepreneurs that is just inspiring. It take a lot of courage to step outside the box and do something different. It take a lot of courage to take your creativity to a new level. We live in a generation where were moving into technology and leaving behind the beauty that beholds the eye. It is all about fancy and cool and so little about 'delightful'. In that generation, kudos to you Anjali ... definitely an inspiration to all the young lads and lassies! 

Running the 10 K … Running for a cause! #GirlsGlory

Life gets hectic with kids. In the past 6 years, I have realized that my life completely revolves around them. It’s all about their schedules, their interests, their nap times, their classes. Somewhere in the middle of ‘them’, I got lost!

Even when I went out to pursue hobbies, I found myself constantly thinking of the kiddos. If it was stitching class, I kept thinking about the dresses I could stitch for little ‘Z’ or the Kurta for  ‘I’ . If  it was a baking course, I would think about how much fun it would be to watch the kids gobble up the treats I made for them. It was all about them!

And then this came my way. A 10 K! I have run a 5K before, but that was hard in fact it took me 40 minutes to finish the 5 K. This was twice the distance and that too it is in May! Sweltering heat in Bangalore.

I registered because one of my young friends said, she would run only if I ran too. I just wanted more people to run for this cause. So I agreed. But in my head I thought, she is young, she can train and she will be fine. I wonder if my bones will keep up with this race. The good thing was we started planning 2 months in advance. Plenty of time to train! I managed to convince 11 other folks including hubby dear to register too! Well hubby dear does not need much convincing. He is fit!

And then I began training. I have 4 weeks more to go before the big day (MAY 15) and I now realize that its not about the race. It’s about what leads to the race! 

1.      Competition: I am competing against …. Well MYSELF. I am not aiming at being better than anyone else. I am just aiming at being better than I was yesterday. I was surprised at how much I can push myself each day. Each day I look at how much I ran the previous day and I push myself to be … faster … run longer.  I never thought I could go beyond 5 K and yesterday I pushed myself to 9 K. I will be staying at 9 K for a while now. 

(picture of my personal best with Google fit)

2.      

          Perseverance: There are many days when I wake and say. Oh what the heck lets take a break today. That’s when I remember how hard it was to start the very first day. I know a break will bring out the slacker in me and so I drag myself out, put on my running shoes and get out of the house.

3.   

         Weight loss: Well not really. Weight loss is like a bonus to all this! But definitely looking forward to increasing my stamina. The first week that I ran, I came home and slept again! You can say I have the luxury to sleep. But by the third week, I could feel my stamina pick up. I could feel the energy rushing in as I completed my walk each day. It seems like I am on a high. An exercising HIGH.

4.

          Raising fund: This has become a big deal for me. The reason is there were a few of my cousins and aunts who supported me immediately! As soon as I sent the link for support to my cousins, this one cousin pushed over money. It gave me so much encouragement that he trusted my judgement to support my cause and he had faith that I could run this race! Thanks Eldho Kuruvilla! Your faith in me pushed me ahead. I find myself now shamelessly asking people to support my cause. I know I am running a good race. I know the money I raise will be put to very good use.

5.    

          Life lessons:  I cannot live LIFE like someone else. I cannot be like someone else.  But I can try and better myself. Whether it is my walk with God, my work, my family, there is only one person (and God) who knows how I did yesterday. ME! I want to do it a little better today... It definitely takes discipline!!!

Now coming to the cause. What am I raising money for? I had a choice to support either an orphanage or a project called Girls Glory! Both were part of an NGO called Reaching Hands.

Girls Glory essentially supports girl’s education by building toilets. In case you are saying ‘Whaaaatt’, here is the way it works. 

Several government schools do not have proper toilet facilities. When girls reach puberty, this lack of facility and privacy is used as a reason to keep girls from going to school. Since every month they will miss school for 5-7 days, they are pulled out of school completely. Girls Glory will adopt government school and build toilets for them. They will educate girls on hygiene and caring for themselves.

When I heard this it made me think of me! I remember those initial years, right after puberty. Life felt miserable. Everything was tough. I remember not wanting to go to school. I cannot even imagine what would have been the state if there were no toilets. Then I looked at my little Ziva and I imagined a situation where she would not have these basic facilities and I knew at once, I wanted to support this cause!

http://icfn.in/tcsworld10k/fundraiser/rohinisupportsreachinghand/

Running for a cause … a cause to put a pause to this world where girls don’t get privacy.

Running to give girls a chance…a chance to have a hygienic protected environment.

Running to change…change the way we train girls to look at themselves.

Running to empower GIRLS!

Running to help them realize that they are created with an ability to reproduce!

Running to help GIRLS realize that life begins with this adolescent age!

Running to help GIRLS feel the blessed that they are GIRLS

If you feel led – please support my cause. Every rupee counts!

A trip to the NICU – A mother’s nightmare

It was a perfect Friday afternoon. I had just delivered a beautiful baby boy. All of 7 lbs 9 oz. He kicked and screamed and peed as he entered the world.

I was enjoying my Saturday with visitors and hugs and flowers and lots of talking about the wonderful birth experience. I was holding my little darling close in my arms , very proud of his wrinkled skin and tiny eyes.

And then Sunday came. There was nothing better than to know that we were going to go home. I got to take my little baby home. And then we got the infamous visit. As a final round to taking little Isaac home, he had a visit with the pediatrician. It was not the pediatrician we had chosen, but another one from the same practice.

The average height slightly paunchy man, with peppered grey hair and thick glasses broke the news.

‘I was checking your son and there seems to be a slight whooshing in his heart. He probably has a hole in his heart’

I remember the entire statement was short and abrupt. No pause, no preparation, no comfort.

‘He may be fine in a few days or he may need heart surgery’

I wanted to scream ‘Do you see how small he is? Are you kidding with the heart surgery’

I sat there numb. I looked at Suresh and I could see that we were just both bravely holding our faces! No tears, just a glazed look in our eyes.

‘I have sent for an echo, we will send the pictures to the Radiologist. But since it is Sunday today, we may have to wait till tomorrow for the results.’

Are you kidding me? I will not know for another 24 hours if my son needs surgery. We had waited for this child for 7 years. We had prayed desperately for 2 years. And now when it was time to take him home, I was being told, well, he may spend the next few months of his life in and out of the hospital.

I work in a Radiation Oncology department and all through my pregnancy as I saw little children come in for cancer treatment, I prayed that God would spare me the sorrow I saw in the eyes of the parents.

And here I  was sitting with something that seemed as unimaginable. Just as he had abruptly entered, the pediatrician left! I sat at the edge the hospital bed. Still sore from the delivery. All I wanted to do was lie down and sleep. But I knew sleep was way off! Suresh sad silently on the sofa across. The phone rang!

‘ Congratulations chechy!’ It was my cousin and he seemed so excited I continued the conversation. But not for too long.

‘How is the little munchkin’. I started to wail over the phone, leaving a very confused receiver. I handed the phone to Suresh as I sought shelter in his arms. Suresh bravely passed on the message. And then we just both cried!

A few minutes later , Isaac came into the room to be fed. I held him tight.  Fear had completely taken over me. There was not even a small part of me that thought that this would just go away. As I burped him and lay him in the crib, he threw up and then it seemed like he was gasping. We panicked and called the nurse.
Another crazy lady! She started talking through the process loudly.

‘Oh he’s probably short of air … we may need to give him some oxygen… yes lets do that’

And then she took him away. It felt like way too much happening, too fast.

A few minutes later, Suresh went to check on Isaac at the nurse’s station. He came back gloomy.

‘He’s doing OK! Breathing with a little oxygen tube. But they are preparing to admit him into the NICU’

Too many scary words in just a few hours. Hole in the heart, NICU, oxygen tube.

And just like that by Sunday evening, when I was supposed to take my first born home, I walking with him to the NICU. He seemed to be doing much better and in fact was screaming of hunger. He seemed feisty enough kick off the pulse oximeter from his crib.  The NICU nurse watched him for a little bit and then turned to me

‘He looks like a fighter. He’s gonna be out of here soon’

That’s all I was looking for. The evening suddenly got better. I actually slept that night more from exhaustion than in peace. As we waited for the results from the radiologist the next day, we got a chance to meet the NICU doctor

‘A pediatrician cannot tell you that your son has a hole in his heart! That’s the job of the radiologist! Your son seems absolutely fine. I had to start him on antibiotics as there seemed to be a risk of infection, we will finish a three day course and then he will be fine’

The radiologist result did not come till Tuesday morning. But by then we did not really care! Looking at a spunky little boy in the NICU we knew we were taking him home soon.

One small mistake. One silly doctor. Two new parents! All we needed to have said was - we will take a second opinion or are you absolutely sure! 

One year and 10 months later we were sitting in the same room. This time there was a little girl in my arms. Pink and pretty! She was glowing.

Enter – A pediatrician. This time a pleasant middle age lady with a smile on her face. She spoke softly

‘ I need to tell you guys something. But I want you both not to panic.’

Suresh and I chimed together ‘Yea she probably has a hole in her heart. It will close in time. When can we take her home?’

This time the pediatrician was confused.  

‘Wow you guys are very cool parents! Congratulations and all the best. We will do an echo and send the results home!’

I love happy endings.