Running the 10 K … Running for a cause! #GirlsGlory

Life gets hectic with kids. In the past 6 years, I have realized that my life completely revolves around them. It’s all about their schedules, their interests, their nap times, their classes. Somewhere in the middle of ‘them’, I got lost!

Even when I went out to pursue hobbies, I found myself constantly thinking of the kiddos. If it was stitching class, I kept thinking about the dresses I could stitch for little ‘Z’ or the Kurta for  ‘I’ . If  it was a baking course, I would think about how much fun it would be to watch the kids gobble up the treats I made for them. It was all about them!

And then this came my way. A 10 K! I have run a 5K before, but that was hard in fact it took me 40 minutes to finish the 5 K. This was twice the distance and that too it is in May! Sweltering heat in Bangalore.

I registered because one of my young friends said, she would run only if I ran too. I just wanted more people to run for this cause. So I agreed. But in my head I thought, she is young, she can train and she will be fine. I wonder if my bones will keep up with this race. The good thing was we started planning 2 months in advance. Plenty of time to train! I managed to convince 11 other folks including hubby dear to register too! Well hubby dear does not need much convincing. He is fit!

And then I began training. I have 4 weeks more to go before the big day (MAY 15) and I now realize that its not about the race. It’s about what leads to the race! 

1.      Competition: I am competing against …. Well MYSELF. I am not aiming at being better than anyone else. I am just aiming at being better than I was yesterday. I was surprised at how much I can push myself each day. Each day I look at how much I ran the previous day and I push myself to be … faster … run longer.  I never thought I could go beyond 5 K and yesterday I pushed myself to 9 K. I will be staying at 9 K for a while now. 

(picture of my personal best with Google fit)

2.      

          Perseverance: There are many days when I wake and say. Oh what the heck lets take a break today. That’s when I remember how hard it was to start the very first day. I know a break will bring out the slacker in me and so I drag myself out, put on my running shoes and get out of the house.

3.   

         Weight loss: Well not really. Weight loss is like a bonus to all this! But definitely looking forward to increasing my stamina. The first week that I ran, I came home and slept again! You can say I have the luxury to sleep. But by the third week, I could feel my stamina pick up. I could feel the energy rushing in as I completed my walk each day. It seems like I am on a high. An exercising HIGH.

4.

          Raising fund: This has become a big deal for me. The reason is there were a few of my cousins and aunts who supported me immediately! As soon as I sent the link for support to my cousins, this one cousin pushed over money. It gave me so much encouragement that he trusted my judgement to support my cause and he had faith that I could run this race! Thanks Eldho Kuruvilla! Your faith in me pushed me ahead. I find myself now shamelessly asking people to support my cause. I know I am running a good race. I know the money I raise will be put to very good use.

5.    

          Life lessons:  I cannot live LIFE like someone else. I cannot be like someone else.  But I can try and better myself. Whether it is my walk with God, my work, my family, there is only one person (and God) who knows how I did yesterday. ME! I want to do it a little better today... It definitely takes discipline!!!

Now coming to the cause. What am I raising money for? I had a choice to support either an orphanage or a project called Girls Glory! Both were part of an NGO called Reaching Hands.

Girls Glory essentially supports girl’s education by building toilets. In case you are saying ‘Whaaaatt’, here is the way it works. 

Several government schools do not have proper toilet facilities. When girls reach puberty, this lack of facility and privacy is used as a reason to keep girls from going to school. Since every month they will miss school for 5-7 days, they are pulled out of school completely. Girls Glory will adopt government school and build toilets for them. They will educate girls on hygiene and caring for themselves.

When I heard this it made me think of me! I remember those initial years, right after puberty. Life felt miserable. Everything was tough. I remember not wanting to go to school. I cannot even imagine what would have been the state if there were no toilets. Then I looked at my little Ziva and I imagined a situation where she would not have these basic facilities and I knew at once, I wanted to support this cause!

http://icfn.in/tcsworld10k/fundraiser/rohinisupportsreachinghand/

Running for a cause … a cause to put a pause to this world where girls don’t get privacy.

Running to give girls a chance…a chance to have a hygienic protected environment.

Running to change…change the way we train girls to look at themselves.

Running to empower GIRLS!

Running to help them realize that they are created with an ability to reproduce!

Running to help GIRLS realize that life begins with this adolescent age!

Running to help GIRLS feel the blessed that they are GIRLS

If you feel led – please support my cause. Every rupee counts!

A trip to the NICU – A mother’s nightmare

It was a perfect Friday afternoon. I had just delivered a beautiful baby boy. All of 7 lbs 9 oz. He kicked and screamed and peed as he entered the world.

I was enjoying my Saturday with visitors and hugs and flowers and lots of talking about the wonderful birth experience. I was holding my little darling close in my arms , very proud of his wrinkled skin and tiny eyes.

And then Sunday came. There was nothing better than to know that we were going to go home. I got to take my little baby home. And then we got the infamous visit. As a final round to taking little Isaac home, he had a visit with the pediatrician. It was not the pediatrician we had chosen, but another one from the same practice.

The average height slightly paunchy man, with peppered grey hair and thick glasses broke the news.

‘I was checking your son and there seems to be a slight whooshing in his heart. He probably has a hole in his heart’

I remember the entire statement was short and abrupt. No pause, no preparation, no comfort.

‘He may be fine in a few days or he may need heart surgery’

I wanted to scream ‘Do you see how small he is? Are you kidding with the heart surgery’

I sat there numb. I looked at Suresh and I could see that we were just both bravely holding our faces! No tears, just a glazed look in our eyes.

‘I have sent for an echo, we will send the pictures to the Radiologist. But since it is Sunday today, we may have to wait till tomorrow for the results.’

Are you kidding me? I will not know for another 24 hours if my son needs surgery. We had waited for this child for 7 years. We had prayed desperately for 2 years. And now when it was time to take him home, I was being told, well, he may spend the next few months of his life in and out of the hospital.

I work in a Radiation Oncology department and all through my pregnancy as I saw little children come in for cancer treatment, I prayed that God would spare me the sorrow I saw in the eyes of the parents.

And here I  was sitting with something that seemed as unimaginable. Just as he had abruptly entered, the pediatrician left! I sat at the edge the hospital bed. Still sore from the delivery. All I wanted to do was lie down and sleep. But I knew sleep was way off! Suresh sad silently on the sofa across. The phone rang!

‘ Congratulations chechy!’ It was my cousin and he seemed so excited I continued the conversation. But not for too long.

‘How is the little munchkin’. I started to wail over the phone, leaving a very confused receiver. I handed the phone to Suresh as I sought shelter in his arms. Suresh bravely passed on the message. And then we just both cried!

A few minutes later , Isaac came into the room to be fed. I held him tight.  Fear had completely taken over me. There was not even a small part of me that thought that this would just go away. As I burped him and lay him in the crib, he threw up and then it seemed like he was gasping. We panicked and called the nurse.
Another crazy lady! She started talking through the process loudly.

‘Oh he’s probably short of air … we may need to give him some oxygen… yes lets do that’

And then she took him away. It felt like way too much happening, too fast.

A few minutes later, Suresh went to check on Isaac at the nurse’s station. He came back gloomy.

‘He’s doing OK! Breathing with a little oxygen tube. But they are preparing to admit him into the NICU’

Too many scary words in just a few hours. Hole in the heart, NICU, oxygen tube.

And just like that by Sunday evening, when I was supposed to take my first born home, I walking with him to the NICU. He seemed to be doing much better and in fact was screaming of hunger. He seemed feisty enough kick off the pulse oximeter from his crib.  The NICU nurse watched him for a little bit and then turned to me

‘He looks like a fighter. He’s gonna be out of here soon’

That’s all I was looking for. The evening suddenly got better. I actually slept that night more from exhaustion than in peace. As we waited for the results from the radiologist the next day, we got a chance to meet the NICU doctor

‘A pediatrician cannot tell you that your son has a hole in his heart! That’s the job of the radiologist! Your son seems absolutely fine. I had to start him on antibiotics as there seemed to be a risk of infection, we will finish a three day course and then he will be fine’

The radiologist result did not come till Tuesday morning. But by then we did not really care! Looking at a spunky little boy in the NICU we knew we were taking him home soon.

One small mistake. One silly doctor. Two new parents! All we needed to have said was - we will take a second opinion or are you absolutely sure! 

One year and 10 months later we were sitting in the same room. This time there was a little girl in my arms. Pink and pretty! She was glowing.

Enter – A pediatrician. This time a pleasant middle age lady with a smile on her face. She spoke softly

‘ I need to tell you guys something. But I want you both not to panic.’

Suresh and I chimed together ‘Yea she probably has a hole in her heart. It will close in time. When can we take her home?’

This time the pediatrician was confused.  

‘Wow you guys are very cool parents! Congratulations and all the best. We will do an echo and send the results home!’

I love happy endings.

Disney's Zootopia! Bring on the strong women

Disney movies are phenomenal. There was a time I got annoyed with the Cinderella , Snow White and Sleeping beauty kind of movies. There is always a damsel in distress and while I do want my daughter to know about these fairy tales, and I do want her to watch it for the phenomenal animation and great music, I do not want her to believe she needs a Prince Charming. A regular guy could make her life perfect too.
And then Disney started to change with the times. I love Tangled. Rapunzel is just so classy. I love Frozen for how it shows the relationship between sisters and how the ‘regular’ guy could actually be your true love and the charming idiot was actually the bad guy. I love Mulan that showed how daughters too can be brave and strive for their parents. I love Pocahantas for the brave princess that will do anything for peace. I love Nala in Lion King and I love princess Jasmine for being so darn firm in Aladin.
We watched ‘Zootopia’ on Monday evening and I am so thankful to Disney for yet another fantastic hero!
Officer Judy Hopps! Yes a female lead. A strong one that does not need a Prince Charming.  Being a mother of a little girl I am looking towards raising her to being able to follow her dreams. The sky is the limit. While I do want her to have long flowing hair like Rapunzel (and my little Z has never cut her hair since birth) I also want her to have a classic sense of humor and a touch of craziness.
Here are the reasons moms with little girls should watch Zootopia
1.       It starts with how we as parents put our fears on our children. We want them to be safe and careful and so we try our best to restrict them. We believe we are giving them ‘other’ options, but sometimes we are killing their dreams
2.       Little girls need to be trained to be brave! Going with the TED talk presentation of teach girls bravery and not perfection, Zootopia takes the cake.
3.       Little girls need to be taught that’s it’s OK to fail, but it is not OK to quit. Officier Judy Hopps kicks the butt of her peers in police academy to become valedictorian!
4.       Little girls need to be taught to make friends with people more than those just like them! Officer Hopps teams with a FOX! Yes a bunny and fox. We live in a world where we train girls to hang out with girls. We iron that condition out by making sure the rich play with the rich and the cool kids don’t mix with the uncool ones!
5.       Little girls need to be taught to persevere. Even in the male dominated Police force, Officer Hopps keeps going taking up the craziest challenges.
6.       Little girls need to be taught dignity of labor. We often tell our kids that certain jobs are too undignified for them. We do it in the name of career guidance. I once had a friend who was a physical trainer and got a lot of grief from her in-laws for her profession. She was constantly compared to her husband who was an engineer. She one day snapped back ‘I make more money than him’! In Zootopia, Officer Hopps has her first post as a meter maid. She does not reject it! She takes up the job as a challenge and is determined to do far more than is expected from her as a meter maid.
7.       Little girls need to be taught to be a little sly and use their brains! Officer Hopps has this classy little carrot pen and she uses it well. ‘It’s called a Hustle, sweetheart’

All in all Zootopia was a lot of fun! Disney has outdone itself again and I just cannot wait for more.

Ziva style spiritual blackmail! Ziva's world

While reading the book 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' by Tedd Tripp I came across the concept of the 'Circle of Blessing'. This is a simple way of explaining to a child the reasons for obeying parents.
It was simple and even little Ziva caught on to it. It made things easier and helped me keep calm when I had to explain to them that if they did disobey I would have to discipline them.
All I needed to say was 'I, Z you are going out of the Circle!'

Well sometimes kids help us get perspective on our methods of correction. While I think the Circle of blessing is a wonderful way to correct, I need to stop using it as a blackmail tool :)

Recently I have been getting really tired of Ziva not finishing her meals quickly. She has either being playing with her food or talking way too much. So as a repercussion I decided to have her pay the price of not eating her meals when told to do so! When Isaac and I finished our meal we would go upstairs and read a story.
The first day I did this, Ziva yelled and screamed for me to stop reading while still not finishing her food.
The second day she finished her food quickly and joined us
The third day
Me: Ziva finish fast or else Isaac and I will read 'Beezus and Ramona'
Ziva: Amma does Jesus like it when you don't read to me?


Talk about Spiritual Blackmail!

'H' is for VADI! Ziva's world

So we are a 'Vadi' family! We strongly believe in the 'rod' of correction. But as parents and the fact that we do not get a lot of training, we have made mistakes in our method of correction. So I have threatened the kids several time with a 'hanger'.

Last week we were learning 'H' at homeschool. So Ziva was looking at the pictures and calling out the names of the objects.
'H' for house
'H' for hat
'H' for horse

'H' for Vadi





She looked at me innocently. I started to laugh. She started to laugh and so did Isaac.
Me: 'No Ziva that's not a Vadi! Amma is sorry she has used it as a vadi. But that is to hang clothes. Its a hanger'

I really praise God for His correction of my wrong parenting methodology. I thank Him for Isaac and Ziva who show me how much I need to learn.
I do not believe correction is wrong. But I do believe my heart needs to be right too. I.e the purpose of my correction is only to lead my children to walk closer to HIM.





Proverbs 22:15
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him

Proverbs 13:24
Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children.

Proverbs 23:13
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die.

 Psalms 8:2
Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe

Classic Conversation - Ziva's world

It has been ages since I have written something. Its not that I dont have anything to write. But there just does not seem to be enough time in the day to school, work, bake, stitch and then write.

This morning I decided to start school in a fun way. Painting! It's always a hit in the Joel household. Paper and colors and lots of glitter and brushes. But soon the two munchkins were all over the basement pulling out toys.
Me  - I was dragging my feet. I have been having this very bad dry cough since about a week. It seemed a great time to just lay around and so I rolled over to the carpet where  Z and I were playing and flopped on my back
Me: I am not feeling well. Z can you check what is wrong with me?
Z comes over and places her hand over my chest for a few seconds. Then with a very grave face she turns to me.
Z: Amma you have a broken heart and a dry cough!!

LOL. It was just too funny. And of course Z was very happy to heal mommy's broken heart with her comical conversations!

Anger management 101 – A yelling-free childhood for my kids!

Don’t get me wrong I am not against discipline. I do not believe that kids need to be let lose to do whatever they want, whenever they want and however they want.

I am among those who believe that I am a steward to this tiny life that God has entrusted me and it is my responsibility to raise this life into a responsible, loving, caring and complete person.

So yes I discipline my children, they are told when they do something wrong and corrected. In our house disobedience is especially not tolerated. But discipline has nothing to do with the ‘Y’ word. Yelling is the worst form of any speech I must say! In the recent couple of months I have realized that the pitch of my voice has especially reached very high decibels. I do it in the name of correction and discipline. But I have reached so far beyond the point of discipline that from where I stand and yell, discipline looks like a dot! Yelling is just a form of venting! Unfortunately my kids do not understand ‘venting’! My kids do not deserve ‘venting’! Most days as I think of how I need to protect my kids from the dangerous outside world, I now think of how I need to protect my kids from ME!

 

When I expressed my fear and my frustrations, DH calmly told me to stop yelling. Yes! More easily said than done. DH is a much calmer person than me. He does occasionally yell, but it take a lot to push him to that point. As a result I began to feel more and more like the monster in the house! As I started trying to make changes in our daily routine, I noticed a couple things that made the yelling a lot less.

Distractions: We are a homeschooling family and the first half of our day involves some active learning and sit down time. I am the one who spends the first 4 hours with my kids and guess who comes along with me to class. My phone! I think if I were sending the kids to a school and the teacher in the classroom was checking her emails or messages during class, I would be pissed. The past one week, I decided to set aside my phone for the morning hours. I turned off my WI-FI for most part of the morning. The thing with the phone and the internet bringing the world closer, it also brings my problems right to my fingertips. While I love Whatsapp and Facebook, not all messages and posts are fun and if there is conflicts/ arguments/disagreement via messages, guess who bears the brunt of it! Yes the kids! So now during the morning time I turn of my Wi-Fi on my phone. I leave my phone on vibrate and enjoy my one on one time with the kids. School has become easier and calmer since this has started. But more importantly since I am not distracted, Isaac and Ziva respond quicker to what I am teaching them. Less yelling! The past two - three weeks have been especially good! We finish math quicker and there is even laughter at the study table!

Guilt: In addition to being a homeschooling mom, I am also a WAHM (work at home mom). Some days I am unable to get anything done. What with trying to rush around and get school stuff prepared, the kitchen set for breakfast, lunch and dinner and the house half orderly, I am barely able to put in the required hours per day. This brings about a lot of guilt. As I try to juggle being wife, mom, employee and house manager, I end up doing a terrible job in all my tasks. So now I have started outsourcing. I ask the maid to make breakfast and some days I even ask her to feed the kids. Some days I ask DH to help with math or just read-alouds. I order in groceries and supplies for the month or week so I do not have that additional thing on my mind. As these tasks get completed in the right amount of time, no stress and therefore no GUILT. No guilt, much less yelling.

Take a break!: Sometimes the kids need a break from me and sometimes I need a break from them. Usually this break is needed right in the middle of a routine busy morning. It feels like if I could just get this one more page of reading or writing or math done, the world would be a better place. But I am learning to let go! So every time we finish something, I take a break and they take a break. Isaac runs around the room and sometimes flips upside down on the couch. Ziva finds a spoon and starts to play with her doll. It does take longer to get them back at the table and focus on what they are doing, but I have calmer more willing kids to deal with and much less YELLING!

In the past two days I have been able to look at Isaac and tell him that I am not happy with what he is doing. Whether it is disobedience or annoying his sister, I have managed to convey across to him with no words that he has crossed the line and will soon be disciplined. This is not a look that indicates anger, or displeasure or emotional ‘athaychar’. It’s just a look. Our eyes lock and he knows, that if he continues with his actions he will be in serious trouble. Sometimes he stops, sometimes I believe he just wants to test the waters to see how far he can go. I also know from the gaze in his eyes that he is not afraid of me, but he is definitely afraid of the consequence of his actions. No yelling! It is still hard to capture four-year old Ziva’s attention. But I have learned that yelling does not help either.

I know it’s too early to say all of the above works, I will never yell at my kids and celebrate. Like every addiction and every diet, I may crash land to a much worse spot. But I then have this blog to remind me how I had that one week of yell-free time and the joy on my kid’s faces as they enjoyed their time with me.

I do not want my children to tremor in front of me or be afraid of me. I want them to have a yell-free happy childhood.