A whole new world! #startanewlife

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

The butterflies in the stomach, the excitement that makes you grip the boarding pass tighter. I felt it all. 15 years ago. The moment:  My trip to the US for graduate studies.
And then I was right back there. 12 years later with the boarding pass in my hand. The grip was tighter and this time I had 4 boarding passes in hand.

I had left for the US in August of 2000 and I had somehow in my mind already fixed it to think that I would be back. I had left with two suitcases and the song above was a perfect description of the reason for the butterflies in my stomach. I was going to a completely new place. Most may think that for a twenty-something year old, it was quite a brave thing to do.
But I think the real boldness was the return to India. R2I as its commonly called has been an adventure. Starting this 'new' life in a country that was always HOME, that was the bold step. I have been asked again and again. Why did you come back? or Don't you miss the US? or Do you like it back here?

As I sit back and think about the before and after's of the move to India I think the scariest part was we were uprooting a life we had made for 12 year. I had gone from 'me' to 'us'. We had gone from 4 suitcases (2 of mine and 2 of Suresh's) to 234 boxes. I was no longer a graduate-20-something-year old. I was a wife and a mother. That was why this R2I felt scarier. We could not take chances. We were a family and there were responsibilities and decisions. We were leaving our jobs, the relationships we had created and our perfectly comfortable lives ! The reason: We wanted to be as close to family.
As Suresh made the final claim to the job in India, I finally knew it was happening. After 12 years we were going back HOME. And yet it was all new. It was a new city, we would have to make new friends and we would have to settle down in a new place and make it our own. As we boarded the plane to India, there was no fear, there was just the desire to see this whole new world. And this time I would be seeing it as a wife and a mother. India has been a blessing these past 3 years. It has received us with open arms and has let us create our little nest right here in the big city of Bangalore.

I know one day this cycle will play again. I know that I will not be holding the boarding pass in my hand. I hope this blog will inspire my son and daughter and show them the excitement in starting a new life.


This blog has been written for Housing.com (Topic: #startanewlife) . Check out their ad below:

Closing those doors!

I think today being March 23 2013 (It took me one month to write this blog -- today is in fact April 26th) and the official school year starting on June 4 2013, we have officially made our decision for Isaac  for the year 2013-2014.
Isaac will technically, according to his age, be in Nursery or Pre-K. And he will be homeschooled!
Yes after visiting 6 schools and weighing our options and even with the slight chance of me loosing my mind - we have decided on homeschooling our boy. We have also prayerfully decided that we will take one year at a time (Thanks to Shanthi and Faith for making me see that this was an option) and will revisit our decision next year and see if this is in fact the best thing for Isaac, Ziva and me.
How did all this happen? Well we started our school visits at the beginning of January. We visited 6 schools

Inventure Academy: This was a fantastic place and frankly if we lived closer, we would have sent Isaac here. But sending a 4 year old this far (17 km) seemed unfair to us. Maybe he will get used to it. Maybe we are hyper-ventilating a bit too much. But the distance to the school and a long day (8-3 pm) ruled it off our list. But I think if Isaac is going to school next year, it will be a no brainer pick of Inventure

Indus Early Learning center: I loved the place. Suresh did not. What I loved was the amount of creativity we saw in our 1/2 hour tour. Children were playing with hay and sand and having so much fun! But the fees were exorbitant which would probably be fine till Ziva was to got to school as well. Sending both of them to Indus would mean I would have to go back to work. Since Suresh did not like the place anyway, it was checked off our list.

Viha: This tiny place was not much to talk about. Just felt like any other small school/ day care facility. But the principle/ owner/ teacher was one dynamic lady. I was very impressed with her confidence in what she was doing and more importantly realized she was a no-nonsense person. In addition I had a brief view of her love for teaching. As we walked past the classes, I had seen her sitting on the floor, her back close to the black board with three kids sitting around her. She was teaching them phonics and you could see the passion in just the way she was pointing at the vowels and creating three letter words. The facilities at Viha were a little poorly maintained and after seeing places that are all yuppy, you wonder! So Viha got checked off our list.

Canadian Maple bear: This place seemed an O.K. Nice play structure. Nice class rooms. But two things put us off. One Isaac had a complete meltdown and would not calm down. To make matters worse the teachers and helps were overly nice. While I like nice people, I do not like people who encourage tantrums of 3 year old's by being overly nice! Another thing I noticed on our tour was a teacher grasping (probably gently) the wrists of a 4 year old. The child was not paying attention. I had a mental picture in my head of that child being Isaac a year later. I could not get my picture out of my head. I am allowed to hold my son's wrist and shake him to get his attention  ... but I do not give that right to anyone else. Canadian became a choice we would take if we had /must send Isaac to school and was slowly pushed to the bottom of our list.

Klay Schools:  We received an excellent review about this place and were all excited about a school we were almost sure we were going to send Isaac. But I realized that you like a place and approve it based on the person who takes you around. Unfortunately for us, the center co-ordinator was in-charge of showing us the facilities. She first told us to come at 1 pm and then called at 12:30 and changed the time to 2 pm. By this point I was already half way through and decided to pick Suresh up and then wait outside the school till 1:45. At 1:45 we slowly parked the car and picked a sleeping Isaac and walked into lobby. It was another 45 minutes before our conversations with the center coordinator began. I was pissed by this point since I was to be home by 3 pm to relieve the maid and take over Ziva. To add some further fume to the fury, the center coordinator was completely unprofessional. With a checked shirt rolled up past her elbows and leaning back and rocking her chair, she gave me the impression that she was sitting at a coffee shop across her college buddies. While I loved the facilities and what they were doing, I was completely put off by our point of contact. Another thing that made us uneasy was the lack of secular environment. While looking through the calendar I noticed that in January they had decided to celebrate Sankranti instead of Republic day. I mentioned that it was odd since I would think school would give more priority to patriotism than religion. I am of the firm belief that faith and religion should be things taught at home so it matches the environment you grow up in. The coordinator casually said that they choose one holiday in a month and celebrated it large scale (I understand choosing 'one', since India has so many holidays and festivals). She continued to says 'Well in March we will be celebrating Maha shivrathri. I asked how they celebrated it.
Her response: Well the kids do a pooja.
I was a little shocked - what do kids know about a pooja. I again had a mental image of Isaac chanting something he did not understand. She probably recognized the confusion in my face and quickly added 'In April, we are celebrating Easter'. Big mistake! I do not want Isaac thinking Easter is about Easter Eggs or bunny rabbits!

---------------------------------------------------

At this point Suresh and I had this long conversation and the key phrase that I will keep in my head is Suresh's line 'What must I do to so you will homeschool Isaac?'
I think Suresh had realized that a major reason for me even thinking about school was the lack of appreciation within the home and the fear of ridicule from outside.
At the end of two or three days of conversation, we had almost decided on homeschooling Isaac for one more year. But we had one last school left to go see. I did not have much hope since most schools close admissions by January of the academic year. We were in the mid of March. But we had put in our admission forms and decided to go for the tour.
-----------------------------------------------------

Neev: Neev was  wonderful, small little place but used up so well. Lots of light and lots of arts and crafts. We felt comfortable with the place. One important happening at Neev were the other kids. Isaac was on the play structure and we were in the midst of our tour when the kids were let free for play time. One of the girls came up behind him on the play structure, probably about 2 years older than Isaac and asked him his name. As usual Isaac shied away. Then a couple more kids came and decided to be friendly and I responded for him 'His name is Isaac' All of them started squealing with joy. 'Like Isaac Newton'! For the first time Suresh and I both liked the place. Suresh made sure there were no religious celebrations that required participation (observation is fine is what he said) and he was assured that harvest festivals were the only things that were celebrated. Cultural knowledge is fine.

We seemed to have found a place and yet there was no peace! I seemed to have this feeling in my heart that something was being pulled out of me and taken away. Suresh just kept saying 'I have no peace'


That evening at family prayer Suresh prayed this way 'Lord close the doors that need to be closed!'

Had Isaac been rejected or denied admission from Neev, I would have been very upset. Instead the following day afternoon we received an email from Neev. 'Isaac has been wait-listed' Which meant he could probably get a chance to go to Neev mid-way through the year.
Doors closed!

I have never seen Suresh so elated. We were both afraid of the decision we would have to take if Isaac had been accepted. I think as parents we are always second guessing ourselves on what is good for our child. I thank God for closing those doors! (for this year at least)
Now to start praying for peace, patience, perseverance and joy in teaching Isaac and Ziva.



-------------------------------------------------------------
A few days ago (April 4th 2013) we got a mail from Neev saying they had a seat available. Suresh and I politely declined. I ended my phone conversation with the sweet lady across the line saying 'Maybe next year'
I don't want to try and open something God has closed. I don't want to challenge the peace I felt when those are closed and the peace I feel right now.

Happy Birthday

Here is a holler of a 'happy birthday' to a very special brother!


He is nice and mean all in one piece. He is shrewd and 'pavam' mixed together. But he is a perfect mix! He knows how to make you feel special and then he completely ignores you!

He is younger than me and has still taught me so many things. The most important one, I am not sure whether I will forgive him for, is TATKAL tickets on IRCTC!
He is my goto person for which Malayalam movies to watch. Though most of the time I want to kill him after I watch the movie.

He made our anniversary very special this past December (2012). I am not sure if he knows that my favorite thing about any party is games. He actually organized a treasure hunt, all included, with Sudoku and running around the house and somehow managed to get us (Suresh and me) to win. The prize -- Anniversary cake.

Favorite memories of being with you - brother - Me 'Kooaling' (yelling) in a movie theater with him on one side and him violently shaking my hand saying 'Chechy please -- I may know people in here'

Favorite thing you have done that shows that you care and listen - When we just moved to Bangalore I was frantically searching for a baby nail cutter since Ziva was scratching her face off. After a couple of failed attempts we gave up. That night brother came home from hanging out with his friends and he pulled out from his pocket a baby nail cutter. I still think of you, brother, when I use the cutter to chop Isaac and Ziva's nails. I hope one day - I can give that to you as a 'something borrowed' (very american thing) when you have your first baby with that Malayalee girl who speaks Malayalam worse than me! നെറ്റൂരനോടനോട നിന്ടെ കളി

Here is wishing you a very very happy birthday Aiju --- May the Lord മുക്കാൽ you soon!
In all seriousness
May the Lord bless you! May he make his face shine upon you!

Faux pas

I have had my own sets of 'faux pas' ... i.e. social blunders. I have often called out the wrong things or put my really big foot in my really small mouth. But usually, I realize and get very embarrassed and swear never to speak in public again.

Here, back in India, after 10 years of being in a country that has a low tolerance for 'faux pas', I have realized that it is better to keep silent and be considered a fool than to open ones mouth and prove it!

Below are a few crazy conversations I have had that have made my jaw drop. The funny part is the person on the other end had no idea that they had put their foot in their mouth!

The first one happened as I was helping my kids play in the park. There was a lot of howling and screaming and a certain mom came over to give her condolence about the chaos in my vicinity. I smiled and accepted the empathy.
The next question was 'How old is your son'
Me: '2 years'
Q: 'How old is your daughter?'
Me:'2 months?'
Faux Pas:' Wow not much difference huh!'
Me in my head 'You think!'
Faux pas adder: 'My two kids are well apart!
I wasn't sure whether I should laugh or cry!

Another one
We are currently renting. And since we moved to India with 249 boxes and came here and got some closets built we trying desperately not to buy any furniture/stuff for the house. Just because the number of boxes with the next move will increase again! That being said we also have a few choices. No TV in the living room. Well the basement has plenty of space and the TV down there reduces the amount of time I spend in front of it. We had a few guests a few months back who walked in and among the first things that slipped out was a faux pas
Faux pas: 'What happened your living room looks really empty?'
Yikes - how about  saying 'Spacious living room!' instead


and yet another
Yet again in the company of another mother and here is how the conversation goes
Other mom: So are you working
Me (smiling at my two kids): No - this (pointing at the kids) is full time work
Other mom: Oh! Why do you have a full time servant then?
Me: ............. loss of words!
I am not certain whether I should that said  'I am extremely lazy' or 'because I can afford it!

Well both would have been rude! As is this post --- but just me venting!

Get off the road!

We have a 1 km ride from our gate to the main road.
Main road= a road that has a divider
Divider = something that sometimes keeps oncoming traffic from ramming into you! Sometimes being the key word here.

This 1 Km road does not have a divider but technically can accomodate two vehicles - one going up and one coming down! Well two small cars - like our Maruti Esteem and another Esteem. Or even our Eritga and an Esteem

If two big cars are coming - say a Bolero and a Scorpio or a Safari and a XUV, then both cars will have to get one wheel off the road.
Off the road = a bumpy, pot hole filled mud path

Well technically both cars should get one wheel off the road. But as it goes - survival of the fittest or rather survival of the biggest in this case. So there are two reasons why another vehicle will push you off the road
1. If its a really huge vehicle like a truck
2. If the driver in the other car realizes that there is a lady driving this car and gets the kicks to see the fear in your eyes -- fear of having your rear view mirror knocked!

Whenever I am driving and Suresh is on the passenger seat he keeps yelling  -- telling me not to get off the road when I see rouges coming ramming into me. My reasoning for taking the safe way is I dont want scratches on the car!

But pride gets the better of me most times and I hate being driven off the road!  So I learnt a new trick. If you see a truck coming from the opposite side of road, pull your car to a complete halt ! Stop! And wait. The driver in the other car (obviously a jobless nut! --- well most of the time) will honk and pretend he is in a hurry and try to force you off the road. Well he cant. Since you have come to a complete stop he will be HAVE to get off the road. He will honk madly and glare at you. Smile peaceful and enjoy the few moments of being on the road!

Oh yea! Well all's not well since if I end on this note .... well it would just be a terrible example to set now - wouldn't it! So listen to this next small bit as I close with a Proverb at the end.

Tuesday morning I had driven to pick up a few things and on my return trip I was on the 1 km road with a truck on the opposite side. I played my part carefully. Halted and smiled spitefully as the owner of the oncoming vehicle glared at me. I was so happy I had won the game!

A few meters further ... my pride took a deep hit! A herd of buffaloes! I honk ... they do not budge. I inch slowly towards them hoping to scare them ... they continue to ruminate their juicy grass. Finally one of them bent her horns at the car and I quickly drove the car off the road  and glared at her as I drove past!

Leaving you with two biblical verse

1 Corinthians 1:27
But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

Proverbs 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.