Happy birthday to me!

Yesterday was my birthday ... well not really. But for many years after I had left for the US, my dad would call me on an odd day during the year and wish me happy birthday.
Me: Its not my birthday today
Appa: Its Janmastami today. You were born on Janmastami.

I still tear up at the thought that he remembers the day I was born ... not the date ... the day.
Janmastami is a festival in India where the Hindu's celebrate the birth of Krishna. Like all Indian festivals, this follows the lunar calendar. So every year it comes on a  different date. I would always wonder what he (my father) remembered about that day .. that made it such a fond memory that he remembered it every year. There is a lot of activities in Mumbai for Janmastami. The most famous and the one I really enjoy watching is the Matki breaking. They form a human pyramid and break a pot that is way up in the sky ... usually tied between two buildings. The pot has makan ... a supposed favorite of Krishna and of course ... incentive...Money.

I always wonder what my father thought about when he saw the breaking of the pots, which you could not miss anywhere in Mumbai, as he picked up the phone to call me. One year he even distributed food to his employees on this day in celebration.

My father ... years ago

Now  5 years after he is no longer with us ... I wish I had asked him. What happened on that day? How did it happen? What were you doing?
We mom's love writing our child's birth story. But I think father's have a different story to tell... different incidents to remember ... different moments that make the day so special.  A note to Suresh to tell him to write it all down ... before we become old and frail.


Hubby dear got a lot of brownie points for wishing me. He did not know it was Janmastami as he had to work. But on his way back from work someone stopped him to ask him how he did not get a day off.  What for he asked? Janmastami.
He came home and wished me! Made my day!

 

Picnic Perfect

As a homeschoooling mom, I am always looking for something new to do. If everyday was math and phonics and writing .... a 35 year old would get very bored... imagine a 4 year old and a 2 year old.
So last week when the maid took a day off, I went on a 'picnic' to the park. It didn't go great for me, but Isaac enjoyed himself. So I promised myself to do it again. This week, I was better prepared and we had a picnic yesterday. A breakfast picnic. Isaac helped me get the basket, he put in what he wanted to take for the picnic ... ball ... books ... and of course we needed food. Bread  and egg was on the menu with cheese slices and plenty of fruits: apples and guava.
But I didn't want to miss and educating moment ... So I took blank pieces of paper and a Swiss army knife. We had a lot of fun. The kids ate, played around and I even got Isaac and Ziva to stick leaves on the paper I had taken. We even did a few math/sorting pages from one of Isaac's work books. It was a lot of fun.
When I told Suresh how much fun it was and he saw the pictures, he said 'You should have outdoor classes.' I like the idea ... it gives me a chance to get some much needed Vitamin D as well.
The best part ... when I was packing up the picnic basket to return home Isaac said 'Thank you Amma'  -- unprompted. More incentive to keep homeschooling!

Great weather to kick off your shoes

 excited about the Swiss Army knife

 Learning material

 Running around

Sibling conversation

Let the games begin

Jack be nimble... Jack jump over the candle stick

They ran 3 laps around the park

Look at them go

Basking in the sun

Leaf collection

Naughtiness begins

Troubling Isaac ... but he's laughing

Unsolicited Advise

A friend of mine was recently complaining about all the 'unsolicited' advise she got while on visit with some family. As I heard her vent, I chuckled. No! I was not laughing at her, I was laughing with her.
I had been there, felt that and wanted to throw a brick at the person giving me the advise/ suggestion/ vishesh tippany!
'When I am strict they tell me I am too strict and when I am not they tell me to be more strict!'
In situations like that we feel exasperated. We moms are the major receivers of these 'suggestions'. Dads either escape the situation or as my husband does, takes it through one ear and throws it out the other.
Me as a mom, I will take it and brood on it for the longest time. I cannot help it.
'Why do you correct him?'
'Why don't you correct him?'
'Do not yell at him?'
'Do not force him to eat more'
'Why don't you give him more to eat?'
'Why is he not putting on weight?'
'How could you let him fall? ' (Yes ... my child falling is entirely my fault and completely in my control!)
'Why don't you try to feed him ......?' (101 suggestions ... mainly from grand parents and grand aunts)

While we get a lot of suggestions from in-laws and parents and aunts and uncles, what I see is I mainly get advise from other mothers.
'Why don't you send him to school?'
'Why don't you feed him x,y and z?'
'Why don't you dress him warmer?'
'Why did you dress him ,,,?'

I could go on and on. But then I stop. Mainly because I find myself guilty of the above as well. I find myself giving 'unsolicited' advise ... frequently.

The other day as I was speaking to another mother  and she decided to vent. 'He doesn't eat anything!'. All she probably wanted was a listening ear. I decided to go on an advise spree.
'Have you tried  .....'
I found myself half way through listening to 'myself' speak. Why was I doing this?
So here is my urge mommies .... lets not do it to each other... give unsolicited advise. If you catch me ... proclaim me guilty.

A halleluia moment - Joys of homeschooling

I have been trying to get Ziva to recognize her alphabets. It has been a painful experience. I keep reminding myself that she is ahead of her game with great vocabulary, excellent spatial skills, can pretty much beat any chap her age and size to a race and has figured out how to turn on 'livin la vida loca' on the keyboard!
But I still cannot give up the fact that by 18 months Isaac recognized all his alphabets. So I tried to push Ziva. But the little fireball resisted all the pushing.
Finally I gave up and switched gears. I phonically taught her the alphabets. We have an alphabet stack set from Baby Einstein. Each alphabet had a few words associated with it. So for instance ... A had apples, aeroplane and alligator. But to get my fireball's attention for longer than two seconds was very hard. I still tried a few alphabets everyday.

Today we came home from some shopping and I had purchased a plastic file that had the word 'PHEASANT' on it. We were sitting around the table eating Katti roll and Ziva was randomly pointing at the alphabets and singing the alphabet song. With minimal expectation I asked her.
Me: 'Ziva where is T for tiger'
Ziva: 'There it is!' pointing correctly to the T. My eyes light up. I look at Suresh ... he has pride floating around him.
Me:'Ziva where is P for Penguin' .....
Ziva moves her finger over the entire word and then points at P: 'There it is!'
Now I am overjoyed. I have a CD with the word MOD written on it.
Me: 'Ziva where is M for monkey'.
Ziva points to O: 'Hmmm thats O' She point to M ...'That W for whaler ' .... I know she got it flipped but Iwas still struggling to control my head growing into the size of a pumkin.
Isaac joins the game.
Isaac: 'Ziva where is D for dog'
Ziva: 'There it is!  D for dog ... D for dinosaur!'

Lesson complete! I could hear  Handel Messiah' Hallelujah in my head

Nursery rhymes are turning over in their grave - Ziva's world

So Ziva has been singing aloud and completely messing up a few nursery rhymes. I am not talking about tune. She get's that alright. But here is her version of Mary had a little lamb.

Mary had a little man... little man


And this morning it was baa, baa black sheep
Baa.. baa black sheep have you any wool.
Yes sir yes sir, Three bags full.
One for  the Diaper and one for the dame.

Sorry Mother goose!

Raising those boys and girls right - A continuation to my woes!

Since I wrote my previous blog about modesty and my little girl, I have had a little conversation with neighbor and awesome conservationist Debjani Banerjee.

Debjani Banerjee Rohini George: i am going to have to argue with you on this. As the "other mother" referred to in the blog, I would have to say that the coach's attitude was extremely problematic and far from fatherly. First, there is an assumption on his part, that if my daughter wears a tank top and shorts, boys will LOOK and then, there is the assumption that if my daughter dresses more "modestly" they will not. The entire "gaze" perverted to use your word, depends on the clothes the woman wears. Unless we are able to condition boys and men differently, this is a vicious cycle and a dangerous argument. The Nirbhaya episode in December had brought this out quite clearly. We can protect our girls as we will continue to do; but this coach's prescription will not make the world safer for them to live.

Rohini George Debjani Banerjee ... completely agree with your argument ... mainly because I am the girl in the tank top, shorts, etc. But I am also beginning to believe that we need to meet the boys/men half way through. Just to be fair to both sexes ... since both you and I have a boy in household


Debjani Banerjee Absolutely Rohini George: which is why I refuse to have them monster-ized (sorry, thats not really a word) --ALL boys will look...that is very problematic. At the same time, boys too, need help to re-position their gaze and their response to girls/women. Hope our girls can inherit a safer world. 

I realized at this point, that the only people Debjani and I could change were our own children. Just like Debjani, I want a safer world for not just my daughter, but also my son. And for this I need my son to respect all women and turn his gaze away when he needs to. I need to tell my daughter that if she does not want to be gazed at, she should not wear clothes that will not cause her to be gazed at and she should be sensible enough to know the difference between a place that is and is no OK.

But that being said ... I remember being completely suited up waiting for the train at the Baltimore Light rail station and got a compliment ... well lets hope we can call it a compliment ... Someone passed by and said ... 'Oh my I think I've seen an angel'. Flattered as I may have been, I felt scared, unsafe and just wanted to get home. I guess this is what Debjani meant when she said ... it was also up to the boys to look away.

Bottom line. I will teach my son to look at women with respect. I will teach my daughter that she cannot get all men to turn their gaze away .. so she needs to be wary of her surroundings. And to give them this lesson, I may have to wait another 8-10 years.
But while I am waiting ...
I urge mother's to talk to their sons. You are the only ones that can make the world safer for all the daughters out there.
I ask all Dad's to teach daughters about self-esteem and that it comes from being a strong woman (not necessarily brave) not giving into the whims of men around.
I ask all mom's to tell their daughters about modesty and individuality (something I struggled with myself).
I ask all dad's to show their sons that being a man is not about showing it on a woman or being part of a mob. Being a man is also about being able to protect the ones you love and since you may not always be around to protect the ones you love, protect the ones others love too! i.e. Take it literally when you make the national pledge 'All Indians are my sisters ... mothers... aunts... '

As Debjani puts it so well - Hope our girls inherit a safer world.

I can see whats happening ... but they don't have a clue ---- Lion King 'Can you feel the love'

I can see what's happening
 (What?)
And they don't have a clue
 (Who?)
They'll fall in love and here's the bottom line
Our trio's down to two.
 (Oh.)

The sweet caress of twilight
There's magic everywhere
And with all this romantic atmosphere
Disaster's in the air

Can you feel the love tonight?
The peace the evening brings
The world, for once, in perfect harmony
With all its living things

--------- Lion King 'Can you feel the love'

And just like .... one more is gone! When I say gone ... I mean married ... in love and gone. We may always be cousins ... but I know that when you are as much in love as he is ... you spend a lot of time on that new relationship. That is the way it should be too!

From Kartik and Vidya with love .... that was the name of their drink on their special evening. A sparkly blue tingly sweet taste on the tongue... just to let you know what the new couple was feeling deep inside as they officially stepped out of courtship into 'married' by law! A fantastic wedding. Beautiful colors, amazing clothes, a ceremony without confusion and with a lot of emotion, the best food ever and of course an awesome night of dance with strangers making it easy to lose all inhibition.

Kartik is my second to last cousin to be married. Yes he had to burden seven cousins on his moms sides getting married. To me he is the scariest, mainly because I have been beaten up by him when I was a kid even though I was 7 or 8 years older than him. That is the story I have told of him again and again. But I think I may now change it to man I know who openly has professed his love more than once to the lady love of his life. 

It isn't often that a man in my family does that. I am so happy to see his boy grow up to become a man who can take love and talk about it so boldly. Rarely do you see a man say he fell flat for his lady love. In this case it seems like it was on first sight. Most of my 'boy' cousins love talking about how their freedom is lost and how they bachelor life is OVER... (Like most of them even had a life)

Kartik has shown himself to be so different and for this I am so happy. 

Happy that he has found his lady love.

Happy that he has the guts to say it out loud.

Happy that he is happy to be in love and married to Vidya.

And Sooo Happy that he gave her kiss in front of an entire crowd of Indian folks. 

The song from Lion King ends with these lines ... 

And if he falls in love tonight
It can be assumed
His carefree days with us are history
In short, our pal is doomed

Cuzzz... you are so doomed in love ...:)


I just had to edit this blog to add a little snippet form Vidya's uncle. Am so happy for those doomed in love

For the record let me state that Vidya is completely bowled over by Karthik! I am so happy for both of them. Even if they are doomed......it is in their own 'Wonderland' and I am sure they will cherish it for the rest of their lives. 
---- Venkatesh Vasudevan