Sacrifice - Quotes from Isaacland

So we are talking about cave men as part of this years curriculum at homeschool. To give matters a biblical perspective the curriculum asks me to relate the cave men clothing to the one God gave to Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden
Me: Isaac do you know which animal God sacrificed in the when Adam and Eve were disobedient in the garden of Eden.
Isaac thinks for a while: Zebra
Me: You think God killed a Zebra
Isaac with a look of shock: No! He didn't kill a Zebra he just sacrificed it.
Aww my baby is going to be such a Tree hugger!!!

WAHM - Neither here nor there

There is a famous saying in Hindi 'Dhobi ka kutta na ghar ka na ghat ka' (Translated: The Washermans dog fits neither in the house nor on the road)

Its rather appropriate for my current situation. i.e. My current job situation. I am a WAHM. Work -AT -Home -MOM. There are many in this category and the thing about us is we are neither here nor there. We cannot really complain about the guilt of leaving our children at home. I feel this made for a good guilt trip - mostly self inflicted. We cannot complain about financial independence because usually WAHM make a pretty good cash. We cannot complain about the traffic because our office is usually the comforts of our home. We essentially have a 'sweet deal'! But somewhere in this sweetness there is a little void!

 I have been through 5 stages in the past 6 years of my life. I went from full time working wife TO full time working mom TO part-time working-mom TO stay-at-home mom (SAHM) TO work-at- home mom (WAHM). I have felt the pain and joys of each stage and I salute all women for just being sane with all the choices and all the drama in between!

What a Working-wife goes through?
If you are in this stage, I would say enjoy girl! Enjoy your work ... become a workaholic... enjoy being with your work friends ... enjoy the freedom from guilt. I know it may still be tough for some women to manage home with office - but I would say enjoy these days like good old college days.

What working-mom goes through?
The working mom goes through guilt and some times rejection. But more importantly the working-mom goes through exhaustion. You may have a maid, a cook, a nanny and your parents helping you - but the exhaustion is something that no one can take away. I remember coming home with pneumonia after one blistery week back at work post maternity leave. I dont think it was the blistery cold that caused the pneumonia. I think it was pure exhaustion. I had till that point toyed  with the idea of going part time. But the pneumonia sealed the deal for me. The guilt of walking out of the door leaving my 3 month old baby still occasionally shows up in my heart and I give Isaac an extra hug!
I never really felt any rejection, because Isaac usually ran into my arms when I reached home. However I have heard of moms complain that all they want to do is run home and hug their child. But the child withdraws into the more familiar nanny's/ grandma's arms.

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What a part-time working mom goes through?
As a part-time working mom you still have a little of the guilt, a little rejection but the exhaustion is still there. When I went part-time I started with the guilt of well I was not at work all the time which meant I would have more time. I took this as a reason to do more work around the house. I eventually turned women-grocer-launderer-cook-cleaner-dishwasher and everything in between while caring for the 1 year old.

My job was super - flexible and my colleagues were super nice. They let me come in at 6 am so I could leave by 10 am. I started feeling guilty! I started to do more than I really needed to. To get from full-time to part-time status, I had to give up one favorite aspect of my work 'Research'.  So in the end I was exhausted, over-worked and frustrated!

What stay-at-home mom goes through?
When we moved to India, I was very excited about the option to stay at home. I thought I would finally  get a break. A friend of mine once had said 'some butts are meant for sitting on the couch' and 'yours is not the kind that can sit on the couch'. He said this in reference to being a SAHM. If I could go back to that conversation, I would scream out loud that SAHM had no time for sitting on the couch. Truthfully I had hoped to put my foot up more often. But being a SAHM there was always something to be done. Bills had to be paid (paying bills online is also a chore and requires time), food had to be bought, meals had to be planned, clothes had to be cleaned and house had to maintained. Any one of these things out of place and you were a lousy SAHM. Well- not really lousy - but you constantly feel judged. I thought that I had handled an full-time job and a home and a baby. SAHM would be a piece of cake. So totally not true. As a SAHM I tried to do  more of my share of chores at home. Anything and everything associated with the house and around the house I felt was my responsibility. Ordering the solar heater , ordering the water softners, getting service done on all equipment, being around for the carpenter, plumber , electrician to fix whatever was broken. But it felt like whether it was done or not, there was no one to appreciate the efforts.
I also felt very guilty about spending money on myself. The lack of financial independence shows up for most moms who have gone through the previous phases of financial independence i.e. the phases above. I would never buy a coffee or indulge in an ice cream alone. I would think a hundred times before taking up hobbies such as baking, painting or stitching.
And then the rejection. It seemed like there was more joy on Isaac's face when he saw my husband return home than the remaining 24 hours I spent with him. I felt rejected.




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What work-at-home -mom goes through?
And then I woke up one day to an email asking me to work for 20-40 hours a week right from the comforts of my couch!
The reason I call my self the 'Dhobi ka kutta' is I have two kinds of guilt at this point. When I am working I feel like I am not spending enough time with my kids and when I am with the kids I think about all the work I need to get done.  Its like double guilt! And to get over the double guilt, I overdo it! I wake up at crazy hours to work. I plan picnics and activities with the kids to make up for the time I spend with my work. Guess what - double exhaustion.
I do not have work friends where I can whine about 'how the server went down' or 'the annual review'. Well there is a positive - I usually don't have an annual review. But that also means I get really no appreciation from work.
I miss getting out and shopping for groceries or household items. I usually try to get things ordered online to save time.
The 24 hours in the day never seems like enough time to get all the things I want to get done!
All hobbies have been currently been put on a hold!!! So its work -kids-work-kids and repeat as needed!

Reading my above whine list I see two things in common
1. We women suffer from exhaustion. No matter which stage we are in WAHM, SAHM, WM ... We suffer from exhaustion
2. We ladies are not nice to each other. We either believe our grass is greener or the grass on the other side is greener. One thought leads to pride and the other leads to envy. Both are terrible when combined with exhaustion! Remember every mom in every stage is exhausted and could use a little lifting up!

One thing the past 5 stages has taught me is to handle the questions such as 'Arent you bored at home ?' or 'Oh my God how can you leave your child at home?'  I normally handle them both based on the tone of the question. If its a mean question it gets a sarcastic answer. If the tone needs encouragement it gets encouragement. If its just a question - it gets an animated response from an over-enthusiastic WAHM.

While the whine list above may be long, as in everything there is Good.
Working moms enjoy financial independence and friends.
SAHM's are able to completely enjoy their kids
WAHM's are able to do a bit of both.
If you look for joy you can find it in whatever you do! 

The day I stood still

 

I am usually doing two things at one time.

I dont mean I have more than one tab open on my Chrome window .... I mean like literally two things
Watching TV and working. That's my favorite one. This morning I was baking bread and cake at the same time.
I know what you are thinking - completely unnessasry. I know! But yet I do it. Its like I get a strange kind of pleasure or thrill... The sad thing I don't thing either of the tasks get done great. I know I am not the only mom that multitasks. I know many more do.  Talking on the phone and folding clothes... feeding the kiddos and cleaning the vessels. Cooking and cleaning vessels (so you get done quicker!)

But today for about 1 hr I did just one thing! I sat at my computer and paid bills. Even though there were multiple windows open, for me it was like only one thing going on. No TV was on ... No kids screaming for attention. And it felt so .... NICE... at one point I actually realized that I was doing only one thing and decided I just had to blog about this.

Suresh keeps saying - 'Do one thing. Why do you have to get all stressed and try to finish a hundred things in one shot?' . I know he is right. But there is something about multitasking that is addictive. And just like any addiction there is a low point in multitasking

The addictive part of multitasking: You get a lot more done

The low point: You can never make out which one is most enjoyable. Now you may think between cleaning vessels and cooking, well both is a chore. But they both can be made enjoyable.  And then you can think well if I talk on the phone while folding clothes at least the clothes will get folded. But you will never enjoy that phone call.
Today as I finished multitasking (Baking bread and cake) I was exhausted and had not enjoyed either. While baking I had tried to pay the bills and transfer money to someone. The website had not worked and by the end of the morning I had gotten a lot done (in terms of baking) but with a lot of frustration (website getting back at me!)
Finally after the kids left for the park I took a shower and came and sat on the bed with my computer and just tried to pay the bills. And it worked! It was then that I realized that I was not multitasking ... it was just me and my computer.

The reason for multitasking: A multitasker friend and I were discussing how we watched TV while doing most of our mundane daily stuff and we had another friend stare at us. 'You are crazy' she concluded. But here was my reasoning to multitasking. When I have the TV on, I sit in one place thus getting the mundane work done. Whereas if the TV is off, I will look for ways to go to another task!

The myth about multitasking: The most common one is that only woman multitask. Lets correct that right now. I may have always been a multitasker, but I became a heavy multitasker after the kids were born. It seemed at that point the 24 hours in the day was not enough to complete all the life was throwing at me. So next time you see someone multitasker know that she is probably a mom and has a list long of things to do and if you truly let her go she may actually like to sit on the sofa with her feet up. If you dont believe me look up the images on the internet for multitaskers and you will see that they all have a baby or a diaper or a stroller in one of their many hands.


The thing though about a multitasking  is that its a hard habit to break. And while the world does not understand why a multitasker does what she/he does, one multitasker does get the crazy and the weird life of another multitasker. So here's a big 'Cheers' to my fellow multitasker!

Siblings and all that ... Jazz

I remember when I was growing up... people would come up to my mom and  say 'Two girls'  and '3 years apart' ... 'oh they must not fight at all'. My sister and I we fought like cats and dogs! We used words a lot and we got on each others nerves all the time. My mom had to constantly yell  'If I come there both of you are going to get it.' - Reminds me of Russell Peters  'Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad'
We also were inseparable (At least till she got married and I left for the US). And that is the other side of this sibling coin. I cried when she got beaten and she fought for me (to get my parents approval) when I wanted to marry a man of my choice. Do I need say more?

When I had Isaac and Ziva with a 22 months space, I knew the nightmare would come. Someone told me 'Don't worry, they will be really close'.
Yes Maybe - but 'Payback's a *&^%$!'.
I am sure I gave plenty of grief to my mother, so it was my time now.   I watched my sister deal with my nephew and niece and I realized any age gap and the sibling jazz was bound to dazzle us all. And now its my turn

I am seriously tired of the  yells and screams coming from the basement. ‘Amma she is not sharing with me.’  ...'Amma he is looking at me!' ....Really !! Another favorite place for them to fight is in the the back seat of the car. 'Amma his leg is close to my car seat.'
I find myself frequently saying 'If I come there .. you both are going to get it'

Sometimes its minor tugs and pulls while others are more emotional and long-lasting fights and it seems like they may kill each other.
I know these sibling quarrels are a common occurrence in most households. But I have started thinking of how I can set the rules so we can have a calmer day. Especially since we homeschool - Isaac and Ziva just have to get along for more than a seconds!
Suresh keeps saying set the rules and if they dont abide its time for the rod. But what are the rules and should I read it out to them like the ten commandments!

Commandments:  As in every household the most important thing is ‘Rules’. No one likes them! But everyone must follow them! Here would be my commandments for the Joel Household for the next few years
1. No hitting,
2. No name calling
3. No hoarding
That's it ! If I can just get them to abide by these, the world would be more peaceful.
But it does seem like sharing is the toughest. Yes - especially in a household where there are over a thousand toys both will have a tug off for one toy. And of course we are almost going to the point of  'I had it first' . So what do I do. ' No share - no play'. It works! They both cry for a while and then its almost like they gang up against me and play together with a completely different toy!

Good Job: The best sprinkling of masala over the wound at this time is. Good Job guys! I am so proud of you two sharing and I have my babies back in my arms! Now Ziva has even started asking me. 'Amma are you happy with Isaac and Me'!

Wearing my boxing gloves: Sometimes, though it does seem like I have to get down in the boxing ring and separate them! And this is when we use the hug theory. Hug, are the best thing, I have realized, and use it commonly when there has been a physical fight. Its not possible for me to always use my eight eyes and watch who started the fight or who pushed whom. Conversations are not entirely clear and this seems like the perfect time to talk about forgiveness. Usually in this case no one is innocent. So we go into hug mode. 'Isaac and Ziva hug each other. Now say I am sorry.' This is irrespective of who had done IT! And I think its not the words ... but the touch that makes them both melt down and again in 5 minutes we have WORLD PEACE.

Unity in Adversity: 'Isaac you must protect Ziva. Ziva listen to Isaac he will take care of you.' I found him 20 minutes later sitting next to her quietly watching her. She too was sitting besides him and they had not pulled each others hair out. Somehow when you make the family claim, even kids seem to understand the song 'We are family'. Best way to leave them alone and hope for peace - Add a touch of responsibility!'

Who's dunn it!: And then there are those times when you just got to know who is the culprit. This may be the broken phone that they were both yanking at or the TV that just wont switch ON because both wanted to turn it ON. You just got to know. Currently we use books for various characteristics. We have a series called Bubbles  and one particular one is  'Bubbles Owns up' ... There are tons more about not fighting with other, Not being a spoil-sport. And recently we found one very good one about not teasing your sibling. It hit a home-run with Isaac and now all I have to say is 'Remember how Pipo was mean to his sister' Lot of perspective. And it works way better than me screaming 'SHARE' or 'BE NICE'. The books are nice because they are so non-judgemental

Vishesh Tippany (Translated special message): I am slowly also realizing using myself as a example may also help the kids relate to relationships and their value. So I guess Isaac and Ziva are going to here a lot of stories about Amma and 'Mona Velliamma' and of course 'Ammachi!'

At the end of the day I just got to remember that I too  have waged the sibling war and turned out fine. The key is to keep the whole sibling rivalry healthy with plenty of love and forgiveness and HUGs!

Mommy is sick

**Rant begins**
What happens when mommy falls sick?
I rarely fall sick ... at least in the past 3.5 years since moving to Bangalore ... Maybe I had a cold or tummy ache once or twice. Whenever I have a bad day with the kids ... I keep thinking ' God I wish I could call in sick to work tomorrow.'
Work is right here and falling sick makes no difference to anyone really. The chores are the same... the place is the same and the 'REST' is out of the question. Yes I do have a full time maid but the  maximum I can get is an extra half hour and that too gets taken up because I am just able to drag myself about the house to get things done before the crew is back in the house jumping on the bed ... yanking at each other guts and screaming bloody murder (actually Ziva is the only one who screams murder ... Isaac runs behind her just to hear her scream.)
Yes I am on a roll today. And I am whining. But after 4 days of headaches ... today I can actually think straight!.  And after this past week I am very grateful to God for Good health.
In the US, it is FLU season. I remember for the first 7 years wondering why people complained about getting the FLU. Then the 7th year I got it. THE FLU. I have never rolled out of bed before but those 7 days days in Feb 2008 I could do nothing but roll out! Luckily there were no kids and so lying in bed was allowed.
In 2010 about 3 months after Isaac was born, I was diagnosed with penumonia and while rest of was recommended ... mommy had a surprise waiting. Little boy Isaac was diagnosed with RSV and spent  4 days in the hospital. Sick mommy + sick baby makes a terrible combination.
 Then I had a three year break and 2011 Feb I got the FLU yet again. This time Isaac was around but I was pregnant and Ammachi and Appa took full charge of Isaac and I got to lie in bed again!
And here we are again 2015 and the FLU is back. I am trying to think whether the headaches were worse or driving to art and soccer class with the kids was worse. But I would drive any where just to have an hour of no kids and peace around me.
I think there is an unwritten rule book that says ' Mommy - thou shalt not fall sick'. Every time I pop vitamins and drink down gallons of water at the slightest sight of a cold ... Suresh says I am slowly bordering on becoming a hypochondriac. Then again I would prefer being a 'hypochondriac' Mommy than a 'sick' Mommy
Last week the FLU had hit Daddy too. Now I don't know if Daddy's just handle sickness better or they have a whole lot more strength than us. Daddy popped an antibiotic and a pain med, complained about his headache but carried on about his day as usual ... making me think that he went to work and slept it off!!!
I remember going to work with colds and headaches ... and I keep wondering whats different now. After all the bed is just a couple steps away. I think the key is psychology! At work I had the joy of going home early because of my 'ailment'. I remember the joy of filling in the form that said 'Sick' day and sending that email to the boss or calling in sick. After all we had 'SICK' days.
I think mommy's should have Sick days! Just so that we can claim it!

And guess what the next thing on my plate is bound to be?  With all my runny nose and sniffling and yet snuggling and co-sleeping, I am sure Isaac or Ziva are bound to come down with something and while Mommy gets no one to bring her hot soup/tea or tuck her into bed ... This mommy may be on nurse duty driving down medicine into a 3 and 5 year old! Lets stock up on the Vitamin C!

**Rant ends (does it really!!)**

Blood on the road! Quotes from Isaacland

Isaac loves maps. Isaac loves mazes. He loves tracing his hand up and down and round to get from one point to the other. He loves maps like the ones you find in Winnie the pooh that shows the details of the 'Hundred Acre woods'
And then recently Isaac got his little eyes into Google maps... Aaah what excitement.
So one evening we are traveling in the car and keep getting stuck traffic. After a 1/2 hr of frustration I pulled out my phone to check how 'bad' the traffic was as our journey continued. The map came up and as usual the whole of Bangalore looked like a jam at 7 pm. Isaac peers over my shoulders and his jaw drops
Isaac: Amma there is blood on the road!

Google maps you may need to change your color code to save the innocence of my 5 year old!

Classic Ziva - Ziva's world

She is a 'Vayadi' - i.e. jabber mouth. She can go on for hours non-stop. She will douse you with questions without needing answers. She will talk about anything and everything.
That's my girl and she definitely does not get that characteristic from me. i.e. Talking! I keep telling Suresh that comes straight from Patti Amma Kalyani who could go on talking.
At the dinner table one evening
Ziva: Jabber Jabber Jabber
Me: Ziva! Less talking more eating.
A few nights later we are going to bed and
Ziva: Jabber Jabber
Suresh: Ziva! Less talking more sleeping

Silence. A few seconds of peace and I remember I had to tell Suresh about something that happened in the day.
Me: Suresh you know what happened...
Ziva: Amma less talking more sleeping
Silence
Laughter ... squeals ... hugs!